Re-Initiating Contact after 2 weeks

[LostSolace]

Hi all.

 

You might have seen me browsing the forum and posting various messages in relation to my own personal grief.

 

Basically the lady of my life left me after five years following a very ridiculous argument started by myself. I had taken it so badly that I ended up pushing her farther away through begging/pleading up until four weeks ago where she asked me to no longer speak with her, remove her from her myspace and MSN accounts. I agreed to do so out of respect and courteousy..

 

One week later she contacts me saying that she was in a bad mood that day but still wants us to talk. I say that's fine.

 

Four days of IMing each other and talking about life follow; each night was the same. We'd talk about normal things; I'd make her laugh but then, at least once a night, have a dig aimed squarely at me. Something along the lines of "Money is the root of all evil..but you should know that..because you lost everything as a result of it."...the row in relation to that, amongst other things..

 

It was the night after when I asked her how her friends were..that she told me I was being jealous and that if I was any good that I'd respect her for who she is and what she's doing. Thing is..I was respecting..but I had to let her know that with the way that things were going..with how she was being so negative with me and how we could not hold a steady conversation without going back to the relationship..I needed some time alone and to figure things out. To try and heal. When I asked her this she told me that she hasn't been in love with me for almost two years and that we'd have never gotten back together anyway..

 

...I told her that if she ever had an issue to not hesitate to contact me. If she ever had a change of heart..to contact me. She replied "Don't worry. I won't call."

 

She's a very proud woman. Someone who's amazing but very proud..

 

I initiated complete NC for just over two weeks. I know it's not a long time..but we've been broken up for almost 4 months..

 

I want to contact her and ask to meet her..as I haven't seen her face to face in those four months..I haven't even heard her voice in two..

 

Is it madness? I know NC seems to be the way to 'heal' but I don't want to have that feeling of just letting her go like that..

 

I feel prepared to take rejection in the name of trying. I just want her to know that I care..because one of the main issues we broke up over was that she felt I didn't love her..

 

But my God; do I love her. I'd do anything for her.

 

Is it crazy? Or should I try it?

 

Thanking you for listening.

[AJEDrew7]

first of all...HUGE mistake by saying this..."...I told her that if she ever had an issue to not hesitate to contact me. If she ever had a change of heart..to contact me. She replied "Don't worry. I won't call." " You're letting her know she has complete control of the situation. You don't want to look like you NEED her and that whenever she's ready to come back to you she can...

 

Here's the thing. When you break NC, if she isn't having it, then you have to be prepared to not talk to her for a long time and get over the relationship. So, you need to pick your spot to break NC. If you feel strongly that NOW is the best chance you have at her being willing to talk, then I'd say go for it. Two weeks isn't very long of NC but its not a short time either. Honestly, I'd probably say a month would be the amount of time I'd wait, but that's me personally. Just to remind you, when you do break NC, you NEED to just talk normally. No I want you backs, no lets hangout sometime soon. Give talking some time and go from there. I'm sure you know this, but a friendly reminder doesn't hurt. Good luck to you.

[dan10]

ok first off (and i really dont mean to offend you by this) she's not the kind of woman you want to be around. if she says that she hasnt been in love with you for 2 years then that means she is either a gold digger and was using you for your money, or she thought of you as a btn boyfriend. either way nothing about this breakup was your fault. she has her own issues that she needs to work out. i know that it will be hard for you to get over her but you need to. and nc is a very good idea in this case.

 

and about asking her to meet you face to face... ARE YOU NUTS?!!?!?! whatever you do, do not meet with her. a meeting will only lead to bad things for you. based on your description of her and what she has done, if you meet with her or even ask she will find some way to twist it to make you look like a horrible person. right now she is bitter about the breakup. even if she is a very proud person after being with someone for 5 years it is a big blow to just not be with them anymore.

 

but honestly just stay as far from her as you can. if she tries to contact you ignore her, if she calls dont pick up, if she emails delete it without opening it, if she texts delete the text without reading it. do whatever you have to do to keep yourself away from her. i know you love her and i dont know her so my opinion of her means nothing but i'm basing it off what you said about her.

 

and if you find it excruciatingly hard to keep yourself away go out and flirt with other women. throw on a smile and head to the grocery store or a club if it is late enough, and just flirt. dont try to get their number, dont try to get anything from them. just flirt for the fun of flirting and fake it if you have to. just dont talk about your ex and think about anything that doesnt have to do with her

[Xplode]

mate, hard words ahead, read at own risk.

 

when a woman says its over. i wont call. No contact, then your sole goal in life is to make urself as happy as u can. with other things. other people. friends family, gym, ANYTHING,

just let her go.

 

iv just finished the same thing. i chased. i was the one that she would fall back on. WE are better than that. someone will love you. and when someone says i havent loved you for 2 yrs. dont make excuses like she is proud. she is a fool! that is all. so get angry. find a reason that makes u feel like this is the best.

 

imagine another 2 years of not being loved? how much harder would it have been. this is the best thing!

 

all the best, im sorry to see your heart is still in it and hers isnt. just let go. you dont need her in your life. you didnt prior to 5 yrs ago. u dont now.

[thedude27]

Ok you need to stop trying to make it up to her. Please. Yes, you said something dumb you apologized and she can either accept that or not. I think you probably went over and above in the apologizing department, right? So its not that you arent apologizing hard enough or showing her you care. Stop continuing to do what isnt working. Taking it further isnt going to get you what you want, its just not.

 

When you tell me this story I can feel her losing respect (and thereby attraction) for you because of the way you acting. She should have aplogized to you for the "jabs" but you let this test slide and this started the downhill slide to the lack of respect you now have from her. You are in the midst of the "begging" stage(actually probably more towards the end of it) that all of us who have been through this regret. Asking her to see you now would be relationship suicide, do you not think she knows you "care" she has been wiping her feet on your caring for a while now. You need to regain the upper hand in this relationship.

 

As far as the "I didnt love you for 2 yrs" that's most likely BS. You tell me... did she love you for the last 2 yrs or not or was that just some statement an angry person made to hurt you? You'd know, you were around her for those 2 yrs.

 

If you want to have any chance with her you need to turn around this dynamic, you know the one where she treats you like cr@p and you continue to try to show her how much you care. I understand the difficulty you are having, i lost someone I was with for 8 years. Someone who I loved more than air. Someone I would have died for or killed for. I did the same things you are doing and they didnt work, my ex didnt talk to me for 6 months. I was treated like I didnt exist, like we never even had anything special and boy did that hurt. She went on to her new bf and I sat here in pain. Everytime I talked to her I did what you are doing. Then one day I stopped. I stopped because I was good to her and what she was doing to me was unfair. I stopped because I'm not the one who should be begging. I stopped because as much as I lost, she lost more. Guess what? We've talked more in the last 3 weeks than in 8 months since we broke up.

 

Anyways, I know you're sitting there desperate to know what to do next to win her back. The answer is stop trying at the cost of your self-respect. You made a mistake, you didnt kill anyone... enough acting like you deserve this treatment, you dont. If she's to dumb to see that then someone else will. However, she will never have the chance to see it while you are showing her that its ok.

[FriendnorFoe]

I am sorry friend, but I must say, from the sound of your post I really dont feel like you are prepared to take rejection, I think you are just adopting this all or nothing mentality, which is not too healthy, If you were truly prepared to take rejection, getting back with her would come off as very secondary, to me it sounds like you are still just way to into her to get shut down again.

 

Stick with NC and you will know when the time comes to "extend an olive branch to her."