Why does me asking about her ex freak her out so much?

[aLucidMind]

My gf and I have been talking about our past and I brought up one of her exes, who had been killed last year. She still cares about him and everything and she says that he and I are the only two who treated her right. She hadn't really talked much about him so I started asking about him. Asking her to share memories and things like that with me telling her I want to be closer to her.

 

She says no one has ever taken this much of an interest in her life and that it freaks her out so much that it makes her unsure how she feels about sharing these things with me.

 

Why does this freak her out so much? We've talked about literally everything else but this with no problem.

[erase this face]

Obviously this is a sensitive subject for her. Maybe she's not over his death. If she doesn't want to talk about it, you should respect her wishes.

[aLucidMind]

She says she trusts me with the information and everything, its just that every time she lets someone get close to her that they hurt her. The only time that was not the case was with me and him.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

It is important to be open and honest with your partner, but that doesn't mean that absolutely everything is on the table for discussion. Talking about an ex to the partner can be very very difficult and I don't think it is necessarily healthy to share information about exs. They are in the past and what is the point of dredging up the past. Moreover, this guy died..and the death of someone you know, particularly someone you once had a relationship with, can be very painful to talk about. Her future is with you...this ex is her past. Leave it in the past and focus on what you two have together.

[tulipsfav]

Hi, this is a very sensitive issue, have you been seeing each other long? Lots of people find it very difficult talking about death, she will talk about him in her own time. She probably feels also that she could only talk to those that knew him, trust could be an issue also. Did your gf ever receive counselling?

[tulipsfav]

Ok she trusts you, it will take time for her, dont pressure her. If she wants to talk about it she will, let her know that you are there for her.

[simply complicated]

I don't get why you would wanna bring it up, understand that when you lose someone that close to you, you never get over it, you just move on, she's clearly trying to do that, but by you asking about her ex, makes it a whole lot more difficult to do, if you wanna be there for her, then help her move on by taking the past off her mind and move forward, leave it alone, I would never wanna talk about something like that to someone new.

[yellowcal]

Obviously a sensitive subject for her, just leave it be. Is there really any reason you feel such the need to keep bringing it up?