I went away for 6 months. Any advice?

[Awayfromhim]

Hello everyone,

 

I started dating a wonderful guy last year (we're both in our 30s). We went out maybe 5 times over several months (difficult to arrange evenings when we were both free), so it was going slowly, but things seemed great. We were very attracted to each other and got along splendidly. We had kissed and made out, but not slept together.

 

I had to go overseas for 6 months, but did not discuss the relationship at all - we were only dating and had not had any talks about exclusivity, etc. He also did not discuss the relationship before I left. We kept in email contact while I was away.

 

I returned home last week to find that he's now seeing someone else (not a surprise, but certainly a disappointment for me). I don't know how serious things are.

 

Can anyone give me advice on the best way to proceed if I want him back?

 

Thanks.

[DN]

Sorry - but he's seeing someone else and is therefore 'off-limits'.

[annie24]

well, i guess maybe suggest meeting up for a friendly lunch and see if he spills anything on the state of their relationship (as in, if he's planning on breaking up with her next week, or if he's thinking of buying her an engagement ring). sorry, sounds like it wasn't good timing!!!

[simply complicated]

I say, if things aren't concrete, go for it, but let him make the first move, tell him theres nothing wrong with being friends...(assuming he even says no to gonig out again) and it's true, there is nothing wrong with being friends, however, if he makes it clear that he's serious about this other person, then you do have respect it, besides, you wouldn't wanna end up with some guy who plays women, but if it's nothing serious, like the occasional date, then nothings etched in stone, so take it slowly, and let him make the moves...good luck...

[lady00]

He's taken. Don't go there.

[Maya_A]

He didn't mention anything about that while you were away? Or did he just start seeing someone right before you got back?

 

Did he always know when you were coming back?

 

The answers to those might at least give you a small clue to where his mindset is. If he started seeing someone knowing you would be back soon then that says something.

 

If he started seeing someone soon after you left it might say something in a different way.

 

At any rate - I have to agree with those who say that he is seeing someone so only behave like a friend. If you get together with him you will likely find out how serious/not the relationship is & will also be able to get a feel for what kind of energy he has toward you.

 

I know you cited time but I do think it might also say something that you only went out 5 times over several months also.

[Awayfromhim]

Thanks for everyone's sound advice. It was bad timing. Things were starting to heat up, then I had to leave, not knowing when I'd be back and not wanting to ask him to wait around.

 

While I'm sad about the lost opportunity, you're right. If he is seeing someone seriously, I will stay away. If he is dating more casually, I might still have a chance.