Should I wish him happy birthday?

[addicted_to_3]

I dont want to go into details of the break up, but my ex bf and I broke up about a year ago. I was finally able to re-establish some

contact with him. I asked to see him and he hesitantly (it took him a week) said okay, but that he's busy for the next month with school and won't be around until its over. He will be done in mid-may. I told him to take as much time as he needs to finish his work well.

 

He's a very stubborn boy and I wouldn't be surprised if he's dreading seeing me b/c he thinks I want to yell at him or ask difficult question about him or the relationship. While originally I was that person, I'm her no longer now and am much happier and positive and I just miss being able to talk to him once in a while.

 

 

I have no idea whether he plans on getting back to me or not, or if he remembers. But his birthday is next week. Should I contact him again and wish him happy birthday or leave him alone since he already knows I want to talk to him?

[hockeyboy]

leave him alone and move on. you broke up a year ago and when you contacted him again he basically told you not to talk to him for a month? doesn't sound like he is interested.

[Jd1983]

No, you should not contact him and wish him a Happy Birthday. Please move on with your life and let bygones be bygones. If he really wanted to contact you, I'm sure he would have done so by now. Focus all your energy on yourself.

[addicted_to_3]

leave him alone and move on. you broke up a year ago and when you contacted him again he basically told you not to talk to him for a month? doesn't sound like he is interested.

 

No - he just said that he's very busy for the next month with projects and won't be home until after school is over.

[hockeyboy]

From what you wrote it doesn't sound like he's interested. Why pursue someone who is not interested?

[Scorpion Fury]

no, do not wish him happy birthday.

[Cat76]

I'm having a hard time with this bday thing. My exes bday is next week. When we first started going out, we had a 'little bump' about 6 weeks in and technically we were on a 'break'. But we stayed in touch and he sent me a bday card as my bday was during this break. The break lasted about 3 weeks.

 

Anyway this time, we haven't stayed in touch and by the time it's his bday it will be 24 days NC. I am in contact with his mum (her decision and initiated by her and I reply sporadically to be polite).

 

Yes I would like to get back with him, but not yet. I'm still healing, but I don't want to appear rude. Which I know is stupid as 'why I should care whether his feelings are hurt'?

 

I'll be really interested in peeps opinions on this. I haven't made my mind up yet, going to do that nearer the time.

[addicted_to_3]

From what you wrote it doesn't sound like he's interested. Why pursue someone who is not interested?

 

 

B/c I just feel like "not interested" is often a very subjective thing. Esp when there are huge time lapses involved - like in this case.

 

This ex bf in question had to initiate LC for 4 years b/c technically I wasn't interested. I hadn't seen him for 4 years before he contacted me (we sat next to each other in HS), so I didn't care - I wasn't going to go out of my way to see him so I kept canceling on meeting him for 4 years. And I was dating someone else at the time as well, so I really wasn't interested. And then finally, I saw him in person, the lack of interest went out the window. But before that happened he basically had to guilt me into seeing him, and I'm so happy that he did instead of trying to maintain his ego and say - well, she doesn't want to see me that's fine, I deserve better, plenty of fish in the sea, and so on.

 

As for other ex bf's - some pursued as well, I saw, I was not interested, they wasted their time. Others pursued, I saw, I said okay - success for them.

 

And esp with the huge time lapses - people change all the time and the not interest refers to the person that he remembers from over a year ago - which is a skinny brunette that loves to wear jeans and sneakers and is emotionally closed off and terrified of rejection.

 

Now I am a slightly more curvier blond in a dress and heels that is completely in touch with her emotions and not afraid to be feminine, vulnerable and has come to terms that everyone gets rejected and its okay. Its a change in energy which might or might not be compatible with whoever he is now, but its something that we won't know until we see each other.

 

Of course, he doesn't know that b/c he still remembers me as whoever and is probably thinking - gosh, I don't want to go see her and then have her beat around the bush to imply what she wants and get upset when I miss the point and then demand I tell her why I'm not interested in her and why I haven't talked to her for a year. Obviously - he would not be interested. No one would.

 

And this is why I never against the idea of trying to get back with someone - b/c people change all the time and b/c you were or were not interested in someone an x amount of time ago isn't a valid reflection on how you will feel about them now. Until you see them in person and judge that for yourself.

 

Sorry.. that's slightly rambling but that's what I think about the interested/not interest issue and why I don't mind pursuing people - although I don't really consider it pursuing b/c I don't have a goal in mind and who knows - I might see him and be like - oh, I'm not interested in you now either.