Jump to content

Long story.. don't read unless you're medicated :)


Recommended Posts

Here is my new story, which I'll try to keep as short as possible since I've been a member for a year now and as a frequent lurkers sometimes I find stories that repeat themselves boring

 

Short recap: Joined this forum last year april or so after splitting up with a girl I've dated for 5 years, had plans to get married etc etc. / fact remained we were both young me 19/she 18 when we started going out, we both had maybe GIGS issues on top of others regular relationship problems and we split up -> she broke up with me. Something I found extremely hard to cope up with, was devastated around a year or so, last year went down the drain basically...drinking, stalking, anti-depressants etc. Then recovering, working out, dating / casual stuff FWB etc ....

 

I got better, took me a year to get over her and get back on my feet. Happy, detached from her, normal.

 

Then back in January this year, I met a girl. (Mind the fact, I met/been with 3 girls last year but none of them I found worthy to be actually dating/relationship/future partner "material")

 

This new girl, (met her on facebook), is kinda a lot younger than me, she just turned 21, I turned 27. Despite the age difference she is mature for her age. Very beautiful girl, gorgeus, very mature in her own right / very normal for her years in other aspects.

 

I met her in an extremely difficult stage at her life... month or so before I met her her mother passed away not unexpectatly, she was in bed for 3 years but still, losing a parent is... I won't even start commenting on the issue, reason I mention the fact is that I'm not sure whether I met her or something outside of herself.

 

Anyways we hit it off right away. 3 days messaging back and forth facebook/skype, 5th day we went out to a coctail bar, hooked up, and we were inseparable for almost 45 days. One of the best periods of my life to be honest. The chemistry was amazing, the attraction, appeal, the bonding, the sex....you name it. First girl in my life I felt I'd like to have children with, she felt the same. On a level, above the social, we were soulmates.

 

After 45 days when things started getting back to normal...real life calling, her exams, etc etc. problems started to pop up. I tried to keep distance from her, tell her that she needs to study, that I've met people that've been overcome with pain and grief of losing a loved one and they've dwelled on it for ages and losing their lives/sanity over it, tried to help her get back to her exams etc etc. but she wouldn't do it.

 

She became clingy, calling me 1am..3am...5am telling her bad dreams, asking me to come over. I started to feel she is displacing her feeling and going into other waters, befrending me or whatever. Her friends weren't a moral support, her father was also a wreck losing his ex wife and yelling at her..mess..., here I was, a guy that she knows for a month becoming her shoulder, best friend, everything...

 

After a month she said we are going in too deep.. Feelings for her ex bf started popping up (31 year old guy who went back to his 10 year old ex gf).. that she loved him, that he (he also lost a parent at age 21, his father) understood her better and she loved him more bla bla...

 

We had a 3 day break then she got back to me.

 

After that, other issues started popping up. She called me out and we went to a band gig to meet another short affair of hers (ex bf). Another married ex also called her once at 5am and messaged her... It became too much for me, I said she can have as many male friends as she likes but, ex boyfriends calling drunk at 5am, having feelings for other ex-es is too much for me even at age 27, I am open and forgiving, modern, objective...call it what you what, but there's a principle at play here. Few arguments here and there.. and she totally cooled off.

 

So after 45 days of honeymoon sort of speak relationship, we started having our problems. These lasted for a month or so going back and forth. She said she just wants to be friends, she isn't feeling the romantic feeling for me anymore, wants to hangout etc. and keep me around..

 

Being a member on this site for a year taught me plenty so, I said I can't be a friend with her if I have feelings, want to kiss her, hold her... be intimate, I mean how can you be at a distance with someone whom you spend 45 days in bed with?

 

I said I appreciate the time we had, it was genuine, at least for me, and one of the best periods of my life, despite our age difference, despite the reality of the entire situation, despire of our social views and differences...I felt a connection like no other. I thanked her for it and said maybe in the future, we can get back together once she gets over her ex-bf, the loss of her mother etc etc.

 

Took a week of her calling asking me trivial questions and problems... she even broke a tooth and I ran down to see her.. Still, she was cold, distant, acting like we are aliens. I asked her for the last time it's hurting me too much to try to restrain myself and act cold as a friend. She got the idea, said how sorry she is, (she knows, ive explained my entire last year to her and how I felt after the 5 year relationship) and she won't be contacting me.

 

This was begging of april. Month of NC passed by, I removed her from msn, skype, facebook, everything. Didn't call her, didn't email her, sms or any other form of communication. Total NC for around 30 days.

 

Then... yesterday she calls. It was 2 minutes 40 seconds conversation. Actually she ringed my cell, I didn't pick up.. then I called her. 2min40 seconds confo, "How are you, how've you been, are you getting ready for your sister's wedding" questions she asked me. I kept it light, asked her how she is, whether she is going to the academic excursion etc. Light trivial convo.

 

That was it..

 

I wonder, why? The reason I wonder is because, I don't call girls I don't have interest in. I have no reason to call them.

 

....

 

 

On top of it all, the girl I dated for 5 years... once I met this new girl, the moment I met her, she started calling me, texting me, wanting to see me, make up.. everything I tried to do for the past year and she refused/denied me, she came back as a fish on plate almost begging to get back to me, saying how we have a history, how this new girl is a skank, a cheap thrashy 21year old that wants to get married fast to a successful guy etc etc..

She still does it, I don't love her anymore, I don't feel anything for her. Yet I'm left with a feeling of apathy, disdain, why does life play these games to us... One girl broke up with me, I begged her to get back to me...and begged, I got over her after a year of begging... I meet another girl, the new girl and me hit it off nicely, the old girl comes back begging / this time I feel nothing for her / the new girl leaves... Now its like everyone is miserable. Old girl has the perfect guy that adores her, yet she doesn't love him/like him the same way as me, and she wants to get back to me, My new girl is left longing for her ex .. and calling me after 30 days of NC to do trivia chat with me oh the drama and the limbo

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm not usa resident and getting books delivered here is a pain so thank you for your recommendation stumped1245 but, point being, I don't need encouragement, I'm hanging just fine, flatlined. Sighing at the entire situation, rasing shoulders, feeling apathy. I feel disarmed, forces at play here that are beyond me. I will get better, rise up, meet someone new, it's not the issue here. The issue was why it has to be like that like AGTC says..

 

Hell, I slowely but surely start feeling like I'd have to satisfy for a girl that will respect me, like me and ...thats it. Nothing magical, no soulmate crap, no otherworldy feelings beyong mutual respect and understanding... Sad And there are plenty of girls like that, plenty... The magical ones I meet always end up having less than perfect and happy ending

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Fascinating story. And I'm not even on meds!

 

Look ... you need time alone. You really need to back away from dating and sort out your own feelings. Sounds kinda girlie, I know, but I think that's what you need.

 

As for your love triangle, I say "45 Day Girl" is bad news. The fact that the relationship went from "zero to eleven" at the outset shoulda been a warning sign -- she's erratic, and she needs to grow up. ('Course these things are so much more clear with hindsight, I must admit.)

 

As for "5 Year Girl" ... sounds a lot more stable. Five years was a long time. You might be surprised how you really feel about her if you withdraw from the dating scene for a good while and give this wacky situation some time to ferment.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yeah brother. Women confuse the living hell out of me. When I'm cold and distant (silently heartbroken) I have to beat them back with a wooden spoon. Then when I'm ready to open up again they stab me twice, once in the heart and once in the back for good measure. Then back to being cold and distant and having girls fall for me all over the place. I don't know if I'll ever be happy with women. I figure I'll eventually marry someone who breaks my heart or someone who is trying to get me to open up to them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

At the moment I am totally withdrawn. Last year, after the 5 year old relationship breakup I had this urge to get back on the scene, date, meet, etc etc., totally erratic

 

I found peace and confort with this new girl, and things ended up the way they did unfortunately. Finally I'm at peace with myself, I'm not dissapointed, I'm not devastated nor depressed, I'm... starting from the beggining kinda, feeling I last felt when I was 13-4 year old. When you feel you have/can reshape/remodel your life again.

 

During my long relationship, the girl I've dated for 5 years I've aquired enough material property so I can chill/learn/live/study for the next 15 years, don't need money, I live alone, provide for myself etc, I'm totally independent. My only goal in life is finding a partner I'll be happy with, not happy in the honeymoon but overall/generally sustain a state of well-being and harmony for the rest of my life. I don't like to end up like my parents to be honest, which past the honeymoon phase live..miserably, like 2 strangers under the same roof.

 

So, what I do at the moment is... I am at home, watching youtube, playing warcraft, chatting with friends I know for ages. My ex-5year old gf talks to me on warcraft sometimes reminescing events (I got her into the game where she met the new bf and broke up with me). I also consider ideas for writing a novel, something I've always wanted to do in my life, maybe learn a musical instrument (guitar or a piano) or a foreign language (german/japanese/spanish).

 

Days go by without much events. My sister is getting married may 17th (she is 24, husband 33, they dated 3 months, she ended up pregnant) .. I'm preparing for that.

 

Dunno, feels like, naked in a storm, yelling "what's next". I mean, you can plan and direct your life when it comes to career, personal success...you can be an amazing person, but when it comes to things like health, relationships, other people... you can't predict, you can't channel it..it's so... arh, math, desires, logic, all fails here.

 

It's cool,

I know this one thing, I won't settle for less. I won't settle for a girl that I don't feel like a soulmate, or something special and magical or something otherworldly like this last girl was. I won't settle for a mate just to be married, be socially accepted, have children and end up as tax payer statistic. Either I'll find someone I'm amazed by and she is with me, or I'll end up living alone hell with compromises, I can make compromises for small things, not for things that eventually take your breath away.

 

Cheers

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm tired, tired to act just to match a stereotype. I've tried it, and it works, male stereotype that women "dig". And works perfectly... It's sad. It's sad that knowledge you can aquire from the internet, "tips and tricks" works on the 99% on the female population, and as long as you stick to that role, ideal male, you're fine, even if it goes counter your humanity and character or empathy...

 

I knew what I had to do with this last girl. When she called me 5am in the morning, stressed, crying coz she saw her dead mother in a dream, I shouldn've had ran over to bring her food/cookies/kiss and confort her, I should have acted selfishly, sleep, hang up on her, be macho and strong, keep a distance, like an animal!

 

Hell with it! I'm not an animal. I felt empathy, I felt like a human, wanted to help her and be beside her. I didn't like to be confused as "friend" / "brother" or whatever weak class women degrade lovers and boyfriends into. I'm not weak, I'm human.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yup and look at all the heartbroken girls here. They all are broken by a$$holes. They say oh, if only he was nicer and listened. If he was, she would get bored and break his heart. Well put with "friend/brother being a weak degradation of boyfriends".

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, imo, if u didnt go and cheat the girl from your 5 y.o. relationship with a * * * * * you met on the street, and if she didn't get suspicious'and eventually found out, she might have never left you...

 

 

Since you did that, cheat and lie, and I know this for a FACT, you kinda deserve all you have been through.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

nah it's not busted, ssv is the girl I dated for 5 years, she kinda felt the need to chime in and spice it up after I sent her the link to this site.. ofc she just took the whole thing and translated it using her own matrix of perception...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

nah it's not busted, ssv is the girl I dated for 5 years, she kinda felt the need to chime in and spice it up after I sent her the link to this site.. ofc she just took the whole thing and translated it using her own matrix of perception...

 

I'm confused. I thought that you guys were broken up for a year before you met Ms. 21. So is the story fabricated?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

nah it's not busted, ssv is the girl I dated for 5 years, she kinda felt the need to chime in and spice it up after I sent her the link to this site.. ofc she just took the whole thing and translated it using her own matrix of perception...

 

 

Ok, this does not make sense to me, dont know about anyone else

 

Anyway... you would think that ppl would be more honest about their stories if they need people's honest advice/opinion. What's the point of getting advice based on a wrong story?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ok, this does not make sense to me, dont know about anyone else

 

Anyway... you would think that ppl would be more honest about their stories if they need people's honest advice/opinion. What's the point of getting advice based on a wrong story?

 

I guess some people are bored and need the attention. It's ashamed.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Maybe it was his demented way of trying to tell the 5yr ex that he screwed up. Some people have a REAL DIFFICULT time with expressing themselves. My husband is one of them. Had I not learned to work through his inability to communicate, we would not be together. Even to this day, if we have a disagreement, I have to give him at least 3 - 5 minutes sometimes to gather his thoughts to respond. A lot of it comes from him growing up in a house with a lot of conflict. He absolutely hates it.

 

So, after I learned to talk with him about our conflicts instead of going off on him in an emotional way, I then also learned I needed to give him A LOT of time to gather his thoughts when he responds to my statements/questions/etc. Some people are just like that and unfortunately, in their own minds, they do see situations in a totally different light and misconstrue the truth. Does it make it right, no. But eventually with time, their eyes open & they begin to acknowledge the fact they have a poor conception of reality & relationships. If they don't, then it is best not to get involved with them.

 

If they do, then they could make one heck of a partner. Everyone has to figure it out for themselves.

 

And, as for being bored in a relationship after years go by...guess what...if you think you're going to have the romantic knock your socks off relationship 24x7, then don't bother getting involved.

 

As a friend once told me, life is full of peaks, valleys, & flatlines. The majority of life is flatlines. If you don't learn to be happy in the flatlines, you'll NEVER BE HAPPY OTHERWISE.

 

Ok....stepping down off the preacher stool now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...