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I'm still kinda new here, so forgive my impertinance. This forum is called "Getting Back Together", yet most of the threads here are about getting over your ex and moving on. That's all well and good, but sometimes people need some hope! Where are all the success stories? NC/LC is great in getting over an ex, or moving to friendship after a breakup, but tell us how YOU got back with your ex, to give us hope, and to give us a plan. The pessimistic posts in this forum may be good to ground people in reality, to help them realize that sometimes moving on is the best thing, but IT IS POSSIBLE to get back together with someone. My parents broke up for a time, and got back together and have been hapily married for 40 years. PLEASE GIVE US YOUR SUCCESS STORIES!!!

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Listen Man. Most of the people on here are bitter. No offense but when you succesfully get back with an ex, you usually dont have time to come back on here and tell everyone cause you dont care anymore. believe me i have searched for sucess stories i mean i have friends who have them at every age young and old and they aren't the exception. What u gotta do is read in between the lines, when you here a storie about a girl leaving some guy on here for her ex= Thats a sucess story for someone right. * * * * i hear that all the time. As lon as you know you did what you had to do in the realtionship, like treat the other person like gold then dont worry, eventually they will regret it or come back. BUT you have to move on and give them a chance to realize what they lost.

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I hate giving out my story beacuse I feel it'll make people hold on. My story is not the norm. It is far from the norm.

 

Let me say, first of all...that when we broke up, I eliminated all ideas of getting back together. I went full NC. I didn't even entertain the notion of him coming back. I knew I had to heal and I always put that first.

 

Story: Boyfriend and I dated in high school, went to separate schools for college. He stayed relatively close to home, I moved 13 hours away. Tried long distance for a full school year. Broke up (sort of mutual but he was the one who broke up with me) the very beginning of summer. We broke up because the distance was getting too much for us. We felt like it'd never end.

 

He got a rebound girl right away. I knew she was a rebound girl so it didn't hurt me that much. It still hurt like hell but I knew she was just a distraction. They dated for about 3 months, just kissing. My boyfriend and I were still virgins at this point. During all of summer, we both had a really rough time. All my friends were paired off and I was working a hell of a job. He got really into drinking. Felt a lot of guilt and regret.

 

Well, she cheated on him with two guys at the same. But, at this point, he had already decided that he wanted to get back together with me and didn't really care. He had been told by all her friend previously that she'd cheat on him and he saw it coming. He was afraid that he had lost me forever and was pretty low.

 

Around september, he calls me up one night (at like 2 in the morning). I answer and he apologizes and hangs up. He told me later that he was drinking at the time and the sound of my voice snapped him into sobriety. He calls teh next day and apologizes again. For like the next month he cleans up the drinking and tries to "be a better person". At this point I've become so bored with college. I realize that he wasn't holding me back from meeting people and being a "college student". I realize that I am actually naturally not like most college students and I really wasn't missing anything.

 

We start talking again. He calls me all three times in three consecutive days. We were like best friends again. On the third day, after a lot of persuasion, he finally tells me why he's been calling me. He asks for me back, but tells me I can't give him an answer right away, he wants me to think about it. He was planning on waiting until christmas break to do it in person but he couldn't wait. I wait about a week. I decide I'm going to say no. I call him, can't help but say yes.

 

Getting back together was the worst experience in my relationship. I felt insecurity and jealousy at levels I have never felt before. It sucked in general.

 

But, many months later, we are still together and stronger than ever. Tomorrow he is flying down to pick me up from college and we are driving home together. We plan on making up for last year.

 

I probably left out a lot.

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Aiight, here ya go.

 

Me and my BF had a rocky relationship at first. We didn't have a whole lot of time together (alone) and his friends didn't like him dividing his time. We broke up after less than 6 months. I was upset, but I thought I could shake my feelings for him. Didn't happen.

 

We got back together 7 months later and at first things were perfect. BUT, he works for a union that calls him out of town alot and after we had only been back together for 5 months, they called him for a long term gig, several hours away. He didn't feel like we were a strong enough couple to deal with a LDR at that time so we broke up again.

 

While he was out of town he hooked up with an old ex that happened to live near where he was working. She was basically his first love and when she took him back he fell hardcore. Within a few months they were engaged. So I thought at this point in time, "There's no third time's a charm."

 

But the issues his ex had when they broke up the first time were still present and she gave the ring back in March of last year. Around the same time, he moved back to the city. We hung out as just friends alot after his breakup and kept at arms length for a couple months. Then in late May, we started a FWB situation, mostly because he couldn't in good conscious call me his girlfriend while he was still getting over the other woman. I wanted us to be more than that, but I had a hunch that we would get trapped in the situation.

 

Then over the summer, he officially started referring to me as his GF and recently admitted to me that he was glas that whats-her-name dumped him because he loves me more now than he loved her before.

 

We're living together now, and we've even managed to get through a few LDR spots where he's gone out of town on a job. I don't know if we will last forever or not, but this is the first time I really feel like I'm with him instead of just going through the motions.

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Listen Man. Most of the people on here are bitter.

Ha ha ha ha, sad but true.

 

There's some good advice here, but it's heavily skewed by those "bitter" people who insist that because their relationship didn't work out, yours never could either! Don't believe it.

 

Keep in mind, too, that this forum probably is skewed toward a younger crowd (under 25, sometimes teen-agers) who would be expected to have a low rate of reconciliation. Young people should date lots of people before they settle in, and that means, by definition, lots of permanent breakups. (Which is actually a good thing ... how else you gonna learn?)

 

I'd love to have a "30+" version of this forum, but, alas, this is what we get.

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Wow..get ready! lol He had been in a 17 year relationship with another woman and has a daughter with her. Neither of them were happy and they both cheated on each other for years before I came along. He and I had a thing for each other when we were teenagers and we reconnected after not seeing each other for 17 years. He tried living with her and seeing me. At first it was behind her back, then he just seemed to not care anymore and we were open about our relationship. To make it short, he spent about a year flipping between the two of us. We even tried it letting him date us both, and the three of us hanging out, but it didnt work. Too much jealously. We broke up so many times I lost count. He'd get mad at me and go to the now ex. Then come back to me. Finally, I stopped it after about a year of putting up with it. I went NC and had a horrible emotional breakdown. Afterwards, my mind was clear and I saw where I had gone wrong. He made the decision to keep his house and the now-ex moved out. Their daughter decided to go with her mom. We started low contact, just on the phone and we spoke alot about where we hurt each other and how insecure we felt, among other things. Low contact went on for a couple of weeks and then we finally decided to meet for dinner. We soon after decided to get back together yet again. About 5 months later, we'd been dating, living separately, and we found out we were pregnant. It was yet another ordeal because I didnt want to move in with him, but ultimately I did. We've had a couple of flare ups since then, but nothing major. Just before we found out that we were pregnant, he got drunk and said some stupid things about his ex, which caused me to break up with him, and that was the last break up. We're actually doing really well now. He has some problems with alcohol, which he is getting help for. His family has come to see that I am not the evil witch they thought I was, and they are actually learning that his now ex is not so great a person as they thought she was. Our new son is absolutely perfect and we have his daughter come stay with us half the week. We've made a beautiful family. I'm not saying it's easy by all means, but having his family and my family both supporting us now and helping us, has made a huge difference. When his family hated me, it was so stressful on him. And his ex was and still is at times very mean and spiteful.

 

But long story short, we made it and we're still making it. We have to work at it, but we are both determined to make it work.

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Well my story is a little crazy and I don’t know how it will end but it’s a sort of success I guess.

 

My wife left me for another man back in March of last year. After about 3 months she came back because she missed me and I did all the right things (no fighting, gave her space). She stayed for about 6 months then ended up leaving again because of unresolved issues with the other guy.

 

About a month after that she ended up coming back again (did NC but she wasn’t planning on coming back). She was having some issues with the other guy so took a break from him and stayed with me for about a month. Left AGAIN because she really didn’t intend to leave him in the first place and thought she could connect back with me. She was still in love with me but couldn’t get over how I neglected her all these years (which I did) and the other guy feed her ego so much she couldn’t resist. This was back in Jan and I went NC since then. She filed for divorce at the end of Jan because of pressure from the other guy (who was also married) then she moved in with him.

 

A week ago I started pressuring her to finalize the divorce and found out her life is hell and she pretty much hates the other guy now. He’s a lair and may end up getting her fired since he’s a business associate and his company is screwing over her’s. She wants out and said she never intended to divorce me and now just tells me how much she misses me and I was the only man that ever understood her.

 

I’m taking a wait and see approach. She screwed me over and I have a lot of pinned up resentment. One thing she said that made a difference was that when we did communicate I was very short and cold with my responses on top of waiting a while to respond in the first place. She could tell I was detaching and it hurt her to know I was moving on. For now we decided to meet up once a week for drinks to catch up and see if anything can be resolved as I try to learn to forgive if I can and she leaves the other guy and gets her head on straight. She’s on meds now and sees a therapist so maybe there’s hope, I don’t know. I do know I can live just fine without her now.

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Well my story is a little crazy and I don’t know how it will end but it’s a sort of success I guess.

Dude, I haven't seen you post in a while. That's a helluva roller-coaster ride you've been through, and I'm glad to see that you're sounding pretty good.

 

My girlfriend left me for "time and space" and (mostly) to live downtown with her sister. She left me for her own sister! I can ride that out. But riding out that blatant, opportunistic and shameless infidelity, even if she does regret it, would be very difficult for me.

 

Stay strong, man.

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There is really no point to a 30+ version. It's been discussed greatly on ENA and the same conclusion is always reached.

 

A) people lie about there age. ENA has no way to prove your age. So, most likely it will not be age exclusive at all. Just a lot of people pretending

 

B ) It promotes ageism. ENA is discrimination free. Yet, many assume that someone is incapable of emotional depth based on age alone.

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people lie about there age. ENA has no way to prove your age. So, most likely it will not be age exclusive at all. Just a lot of people pretending

Fully aware of that, and that wasn't the point. If the demographics actually were different, then the discourse would be too.

 

And it has nothing to do with emotional depth. It has to do with life experience, which can be gained one way and one way only.

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Fully aware of that, and that wasn't the point. If the demographics actually were different, then the discourse would be too.

 

And it has nothing to do with emotional depth. It has to do with life experience, which can be gained one way and one way only.

 

You'd be surprised.

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Fully aware of that, and that wasn't the point. If the demographics actually were different, then the discourse would be too.

 

And it has nothing to do with emotional depth. It has to do with life experience, which can be gained one way and one way only.

 

Fully agree. I approached relationships/breakups, etc at 20 alot different than I do at 35 with a baby in tow!

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This disappoints me as I thought I had helped you quite a lot, despite my age.

 

DB you have helped me quite a bit and you are intelligent far beyond your years. You know this. But I'm sure that you also can see that some things you learn by doing and by living, and no intelligence can teach you "life lessons". That was the point that I am trying to make. And I was dead on that I approached relationships in my 20's with half a thought. In my 30's and now with a child, I approach them wayyyy differently. I have a baby to look out for, so I am more vested.

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There is NO one fits all - AND there are always exceptions to every rule....

 

BUT - its very clear that LOTS of research is done by age groups... tv shows, movies, cars, products in general, websites all have target audiences. YOU aren't advertising denture adhesives to 20yr olds... AND the hip hop fashion store is not advertising to your grandmother.

 

Being older doesn't mean you are mature and being young doesn't mean you are immature but with that being said DW I would challange you to write a note to yourself on relationships/life issues/meanings and put in a time capsule and come back 25yr later after you are out of school and have a mortgage and a husband and a baby or two and read it and reflect on how you would currently answer those questions 25yr later.

 

That being said I am not denouncing anyone on this board due to their age.

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Ha ha ha ha, sad but true.

 

There's some good advice here, but it's heavily skewed by those "bitter" people who insist that because their relationship didn't work out, yours never could either! Don't believe it.

 

Keep in mind, too, that this forum probably is skewed toward a younger crowd (under 25, sometimes teen-agers) who would be expected to have a low rate of reconciliation. Young people should date lots of people before they settle in, and that means, by definition, lots of permanent breakups. (Which is actually a good thing ... how else you gonna learn?)

 

I'd love to have a "30+" version of this forum, but, alas, this is what we get.

 

 

Brownstone - maybe it is your calling to start one : )

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I could do that and be completely different within the month. I could challenge you to do the same and I bet in 25 years you'd be completely different too.

 

But, it is highly offensive to say that someone has gone through more and therefore has more wisdom based on age. I have gone through more than what most adults have, and I do not claim superiority.

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I could do that and be completely different within the month. I could challenge you to do the same and I bet in 25 years you'd be completely different too.

 

But, it is highly offensive to say that someone has gone through more and therefore has more wisdom based on age. I have gone through more than what most adults have, and I do not claim superiority.

 

I know I'm making different decisions from when I was 19 and I'm sure in another 10yr I'll have a whole new set of things that will affect my decisions.

 

I think saying everyone who is under 25 can not offer good advice is wrong... BUT I would say that the advice offered by a 25yr would be different from someone 45yr. I'm not saying the advice would be bad or wrong but different based on differing levels of personal experience.

 

BUT age alone does not qualify a person for giving advice.

 

Heck - I'd be happy to give advice on how to do your own car repairs... but the bottom line is I have NO experience in that so I would give crappy advice.

 

I think what is being stated here is that advice is often offered based on personal experience and often times personal experience comes with time and lots of trial and error. Therefore age does and will play a role.

 

Why do you think that there is a minimum age at which you can be president of the USA? There is a minimum at which you can obtain a permit to drive a car.... a minimum at which you are allowed to consume alcohol.

 

I don't think anyone here has a problem with your advice or your age - but you must agree to some degree that age does play a role in this world. I think you are a great person and give lovely advice.

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+1

 

It's really a whole different ballgame as you get older...

 

Agreed!!

 

Looking back, I can honestly say that all of my long term boyfriends (who ended the relationships) have wanted me back at some point or other. Hey, even my ex-husband wanted me back some 7 months after leaving me. I took him back and we were together another 6 years before he left again. I don't regret the decision I made in taking him back as we had our 3rd beautiful daugher in that time.

 

Roll on two years and hes making noises about wanting me back again - but this time "no". I have moved on. I met someone else and I can now never look back. Sadly, that relationship hasn't worked out (too many issues). Its the breakdown of this relationship that made me stumble accross this site. I'm only 10 days into NC and, yes, I want him back. As to whether he will ever come back only time will tell. Of course if he leaves it too late I may have moved on again lol

 

Can you call them success stories when at 41 I am here on ENA?? Ho-hum!!

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As for success story.

 

Good and bad depends on context. Which, since you do not know the context that an event will be in your entire life, you cannot call a single event either successful or a failure.

 

Boy gets horse for free (you would think good fortune)

Horse tramples boy during a ride (you would think bad fortune)

His injuries prevent his draft into the army (you would think good fortune)

 

I forget the origin of this analogy. But, I've lost my train of thought. Point is, success is in context. Whether or not you and you ex broke up is not neccessarily a good or bad thing.

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As for success story.

 

Good and bad depends on context. Which, since you do not know the context that an event will be in your entire life, you cannot call a single event either successful or a failure.

 

Boy gets horse for free (you would think good fortune)

Horse tramples boy during a ride (you would think bad fortune)

His injuries prevent his draft into the army (you would think good fortune)

 

I forget the origin of this analogy. But, I've lost my train of thought. Point is, success is in context. Whether or not you and you ex broke up is not neccessarily a good or bad thing.

 

Well I couldn't call them unsuccessful really because each time I moved on and been happy again ... not to mention older and wiser.

 

Each time a relationship has broken down and I have found love again I have also found somone who has taught me new things and with whom I have shared new experiences with. Its all part of life's journey I guess to make us who we are. Therefore each relationship, tho unsuccesful in their outcome, have actually had their successes. Hope that makes sense.

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