wandererlust Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 Anyone ever do that? To "say goodbye" in the sack? We wanted to have "one more memory" last night so I was able to prepare myself for "the last time" so I kept my emotions out of it- to the point of not even wanting to cuddle afterwards....and it was probably the worst sex I have ever had for that reason- emotionless sex with one you really love. I had no hopes of getting back together with him when the decision was made to have a last tryst- it was purely for a physical moment. Funny thing though, it almost helped em move on, having a "last memory" that wasn't so great....and learning about myself that I am not capable of sex without emotions... (I figured that this was more "breaking up" forum than "sex" forum) Link to comment
LemonCheesecak Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 Nope, could never do that. Wouldn't help me in the slightest, I'm not a casual/physical sex kinda person though so.. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 That would have caused me so much pain. Not worth it at all. Link to comment
mikel01 Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 Anyone ever do that? To "say goodbye" in the sack? We wanted to have "one more memory" last night so I was able to prepare myself for "the last time" so I kept my emotions out of it- to the point of not even wanting to cuddle afterwards....and it was probably the worst sex I have ever had for that reason- emotionless sex with one you really love. I had no hopes of getting back together with him when the decision was made to have a last tryst- it was purely for a physical moment. Funny thing though, it almost helped em move on, having a "last memory" that wasn't so great....and learning about myself that I am not capable of sex without emotions... (I figured that this was more "breaking up" forum than "sex" forum) I am the same way about emotionless sex and have been in the same situation. I was probably one of my worst decisions ever. It only left me feeling empty and used. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 There are lots of people who have sex with the ex hoping that it will entice the ex to get back together with them. Never does. I think I would find it too degrading to have sex with someone who doesn't care about me enough to be in a relationship and who would think "hey you are offering no strings attached sex, sure I will take it". Link to comment
OrangeMoon Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 I did it when we 1st broke up our last night together...it was so devastatingly intense that i started crying in the midst of it....it was sooo good..it was awful. I never wanted to experience that again. We got back together..but it ended again..and this time we both didnt do it again. Done and dusted.. Link to comment
Cat76 Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 There are lots of people who have sex with the ex hoping that it will entice the ex to get back together with them. Never does. I think I would find it too degrading to have sex with someone who doesn't care about me enough to be in a relationship and who would think "hey you are offering no strings attached sex, sure I will take it". I've been there (my first serious relationship). I made all the mistakes, grovelling, pleading, begging, being his booty call even when I knew he had already lined up the next girlfriend. As soon as the new girl offered herself up, I was out of the door. I know now why it happened, 1) he was a idiot and 2) I let him. (Never again). I have made some of the same mistakes, i.e. the pleading, but I have and will never be someones booty call again. But we all learn from our mistakes, hindsight is great! Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 I'd probably do it as a final way to "close the book" on things. Yeah, it'd hurt but maybe something to remember. I'm weird though. Link to comment
wandererlust Posted May 7, 2009 Author Share Posted May 7, 2009 I know this sounds terrible but part of me wanted to hurt him by giving him an emotionally distant experience...I certainly didn't feel used, I almost wanted him to feel used... It's all a learning experience, and it will never happen again, just wondered if anyone else had gone through the same.... Link to comment
yellowcal Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 That would have caused me so much pain. Not worth it at all. I agree.. would be far too painful for me. Link to comment
wandererlust Posted May 7, 2009 Author Share Posted May 7, 2009 If I had gone into it like I used to with all of my emotions involved, sure it would have hurt like h***! Now I just feel a bit guilty that I turned into a person that we all vent about here on these forums - an ex that used you for sex in order to move on....so what hurts now is that I was a creep.... as I think about it, THAT is something I do not feel ok with, but I need to forgive myself, not be that person anymore and move on... Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 Sex with Ex as a final farewell? Sorry... but I think that's just wrong. And twisted too... Link to comment
leixling Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 Anyone ever do that? To "say goodbye" in the sack? We wanted to have "one more memory" last night so I was able to prepare myself for "the last time" so I kept my emotions out of it- to the point of not even wanting to cuddle afterwards....and it was probably the worst sex I have ever had for that reason- emotionless sex with one you really love. I had no hopes of getting back together with him when the decision was made to have a last tryst- it was purely for a physical moment. Funny thing though, it almost helped em move on, having a "last memory" that wasn't so great....and learning about myself that I am not capable of sex without emotions... (I figured that this was more "breaking up" forum than "sex" forum) meh..I did it..I went to see my ex bf because I was horny and wanted sex one last time..went over there pretending that it was to apologise for my faults in the relationship and wanting to see him.. it was a bit of the latter but more because I just wanted to sleep with him for a last time- closure. It was good but the problem was my emotions were in it and his weren't; in 3 weeks he'd gotten completely over me and was pretty much just using me for sex, whereas I'd gone over with the intention of using him for sex but afterwards it was just clearer than ever to me that I was still in love with him, and he pretty much * * * * ed me off the morning after. He didn't even cuddle me after we'd had sex, it felt like the guy I was in a relationship with had gone, leaving some uncaring jerk in his place. And when we were together he was an uncaring selfish jerk, but not to the extent where he didn't even cuddle me afterwards. My advice would be to just not go there- because it makes you feel 100x worse (unless you're the dumper not the dumpee). Unless you can honestly emotionally detach yourself fully, it's just not worth the (reinforced_) heartbreak! Link to comment
greywolf Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 I messed around with an ex once. We didn't have sex though. I don't really regret it. Link to comment
kitchentable Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 I did this. My ex had basically started acting bi-polar with me. Hot and cold to a point of serious frustration. We broke up with each other a few times. By the end she accused me of trying to manipulate her with guilt and resented me (B.S.). After being told I was resented, I went complete NC. She tried calling me several times (I didn't answer). She eventually broke into my house in the middle of the night. I argued with her for 30 minutes trying to get her to leave. She wouldn't. I asked her to be my gf again, she said I just wanted to own her. We then had sex. I was emotionally detached. She didn't seem to be though. I didn't cuddle with her even though she tried to hold me so tightly. The next morning she wanted me to help her with something. I basically told her to find someone else. She did (my friend, a week later). I know she isn't a sl$# though. Was I an A$$hole? I still feel guilty for that night but I couldn't figure out why she came over. Anyone have an opinion on this? Link to comment
Pixiedoc Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 I'd probably do it as a final way to "close the book" on things. Yeah, it'd hurt but maybe something to remember. I'm weird though. I think the terminology says it all - 'sex' not love. No way for me, although I can understand the hurt and needing to feel detached that some might feel - could be closure for some..but not me. Also renaissancewoman that guinea pig is the twin of mine!! Link to comment
COtuner Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 Nope. If I don't want to be with anyone anymore, I am not sexually interested either. I would find that to be using someone, actually. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 Same here and of course since it is an ex the parting gift might very well be an STD or pregnancy. Link to comment
Pixiedoc Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 Same here and of course since it is an ex the parting gift might very well be an STD or pregnancy. EXTREMELY good point!! Link to comment
kitchentable Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 Come on ladies. Whenever I ask about my situation, it's either ignored or people tell me my ex is crazy and to forget her. While that's all well and good, I really wish someone would at least try to tell me what they think. This truly is my last hurdle. If I can at least understand why someone who didn't appear to be promiscuous or crazy for two years would act the way she did I'll know what to look out for in the future. Link to comment
MinziGirl Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 Breaking up & having sex are 2 very different things. You can have it either one way or te other but never together. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 Come on ladies. Whenever I ask about my situation, it's either ignored or people tell me my ex is crazy and to forget her. While that's all well and good, I really wish someone would at least try to tell me what they think. This truly is my last hurdle. If I can at least understand why someone who didn't appear to be promiscuous or crazy for two years would act the way she did I'll know what to look out for in the future. People who are in emotional pain can end up doing things that are completely out of character. Sometimes they act out for a period of time and then realize what they are doing and smarten up. Sometimes it takes a long while before they revert back to their old selves. Link to comment
kitchentable Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 I don't know. She was pretty cold to me. I wasn't under the impression she was in any pain. Thank you though. You seem to be the only person on this forum that ever responds to me. As always, I appreciate it. Link to comment
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