anticipation Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 He broke it off in January...We were not in touch for 3 mths..After that he txted. We have met 3 or 4 times since then... He spoke to me for 5 mins on the phone last night...I felt that he had been pretty depressed for a few weeks so I decided to meet him to tell him I could help him... We ended up talking about loneliness, getting on with our lives and happiness...I wouldn't expect it. And he told me that our relationship just didn't work out and he knows it wouldn't in the future. The problem is that my opinion is different. There has been an attraction between us and he really likes me and adores my face and body. But he said I would have to pull myself together and start getting involved in various activities, sth that I like. He spoke with such an intelligent attitude, he tried to explain to me that I should be self-confident and strong as I have a potential to make my life more exciting. He was sooo right!!! It was like a psychological lesson from someone that I care about. However, why would he not consider rekindling anything between us in a few months? I will get stronger and happier, I will definitely improve myself for myself! But I want to have that chance down the line. I want him to see me stronger and more optimistic in a few months... What could I do? Would it be any chance in the future to show him that I've changed? Is there any chance he will change his mind if he finds out I have acquired a new attitude and my life is no longer a misery? P.S. I know he has been in touch with his ex ex whom he damped 2.5 years ago. She's getting married in a few months and he's telling her now that he misses her...why is he doing it? He said to everyone he had never loved her!!! And they haven't seen each other for 2.5 years! He also told me yesterday that the timing was wrong, that he won't settle down for the next few years (He's 28 and I'm 26)... He kept saying 'I know you hate hearing that, but in a few months you will find a lovely guy who will adore you because you are intelligent, pretty and funny.' He said last night we shouldn't be in touch as it decreases my potential and chances. And when I looked at him, tears started to roll down on my cheeks. I could feel so much love when I was talking and listening... I felt so comfortable and safe around him. I don't believe there is no solution, not even in a few months or a year... Please do not say, move on and forget him. I've tried to do it for almost 5 mths now and I still love him the same love that I did when we started our relationshp. I have to move forward with my life. That's the fact. But I lone for that chance in the future. Does anyone have a story that would support my dream? thank you xx Link to comment
QWit Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 i feel the best thing for you to do is give him his space. Moving on does not necessarily mean forgeting about him. It means adjusting to life whether he is there or not. As for other people's stories, you can look through this forum to find those stories. However, just because they sound good does not mean that will YOUR story. Those stories will only inhibit you from moving on and learning to get yourself back. The best advice I could give you is take this guy at his word and seriously work on MOVING ON. No one knows what will happen in the future, but you will never know if you keep trying to be with someone who does not want you. Let him go and work on yourself. Let the future decide whether he wants to come back or not. Sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear. However, I think it's what you need to hear. Link to comment
anticipation Posted May 7, 2009 Author Share Posted May 7, 2009 It means adjusting to life whether he is there or not. well said...thank you... however, that's definitely the most difficult part to achieve... Link to comment
Timebandit Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 Please do not say, move on and forget him. I've tried to do it for almost 5 mths now and I still love him the same love that I did when we started our relationshp. I am sorry, but this is really the advice I will give you. You have to move on. I think there is a paradox; you will only be as strong and happy as would be required by him, once you have given up the idea of getting back with him, and have taken the steps to improve on yourself for yourself ONLY. I think he really loves you (in a non-romantic ways). Unfortunately, once people break up, they have often passed the point-of-no-return where romantic feelings have been lost. Link to comment
diabolik Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 Please do not say, move on and forget him. Ironically, I think doing this would be the best chance of getting him back. Link to comment
SighSob Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 Move on and forget him. Or better, fake till you make it. You probably won't stop thinking about him (or "loving" him) until you meet a fantastic new guy. That's my 2 cents. Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 I think he is trying to tell you in the kindest way possible that you are a wonderful person, just not the person for him. And you shouldn't make changes in yourself to try to turn into his dream girl because those changes are not genuinely motivated from within, more to try to lure him back. You need to be who you are, and he should love who you are, and if he doesn't, then he's not the right one for you. The fact that he doesn't want to be in touch and wants you to look for other people shows where his thinking really is. Often, people who talk this way have met someone else they are interested in, and he is trying to say that you should get out and do the same thing. Link to comment
anticipation Posted May 7, 2009 Author Share Posted May 7, 2009 The problem is that it was him to break our NC a few times ...And obviously, I felt good about it. Yesterday I said 'So we won't be in touch at all' and he kept saying 'I don't think it's a good idea.' I said "so just tell me if we won't hear from each other at all. I need to hear 'no'" and he still said 'I don't think it's a good idea' Why did he not just say 'no'??? Sometimes I feel that he wants me to lone for him, no matter what...And he is sure that I love him from the bottom of my heart because it was him to say last night 'u need to pull yourself together and there will be a guy that will have the same standards that I have' But I do know I was special to him and don't really understand that after a year everything was sweet and 6 months later everything collapsed and he chaged his mind...How can it be that people suddenly think that they stop likeing sth about another person? What triggers that? I will have a hope and will try to move on... but does this statement not contradict itself?... Link to comment
QWit Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 "I don't think it's a good idea" is also another way of saying no. So in his on way, he did say "no" without actually saying it because he probably does not want to hurt you more. Think about it, if he would have actually said "no", I don't think you would have left it at that. You are overanalyzing the situation instead of taking it as it is. At this point, he loves and cares about you just not the way you want him too. Time to take him off the pedestal and move on. He is putting it as nicely as he can to tell you that he is just not that in to you. Link to comment
rapunzel Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 I'm sorry for what you are going through. It doesn't matter that he broke NC. Dumpers have their own reasons for doing so: ego boost, loneliness, guilt. My dumper has contacted me, trying to be my friend, but also gave me the "I think you're a wonderful person" line. It doesn't mean anything. The fact that he has encouraged you to meet someone else is VERY telling. And yes, it is very common that once you HAVE moved on and you are no longer under his grip emotionally, and you have transferred your feelings to someone else, his interest in you will be renewed. It's ironic, frustrating and unfortunate, but that's how these things often go. My dumper wanted HIS ex back after she finally moved on....and admitted to me that he didn't worry or care much about losing her when they were in their "off again" stage...but once she turned the tables on him, he wanted her back. Alas, after 4 years of on again, off again, it was too late. And I can't afford to give him 4 years of my life, so after two tries, I'm done. Whether or not he will find me suddenly attractive after I've found someone else is yet to be determined. Good luck honey, move on....you will find someone else...it just takes time and faith. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.