Moment of clarity... when did yours come?

[twiceinoneyear]

I had mine last night. Although it resulted in a few tears (which hasn't happened since week 2 of NC - I'm on week 15), and I'm in a bit of a funk today, it was definitely a good thing. I was lacking clarity and it was holding back parts of my healing.

 

I have Kings of Leon to thank for my moment of clarity. While listening to "Revelry", which is a song about a guy who screws up a relationship with a great girl because he's not finished his young, stay-out-all-night party phase, I realized that's exactly why my ex left. He's nearly 4 years younger than me and while it was always him who initiated the marriage, babies, buying a house together talk, I think the reality of it all smacked him upside the head one day and he spooked.

 

Our relationship wasn't perfect, but I could not for the life of me figure out how he could bring me flowers, hold me tight and tell me he was "so in love with me" on Thursday and then dump me on Saturday. While I accept my faults, maybe the whole thing was bigger than just me.

 

I'm going to take responsibility for my shortcomings in the relationship and work on them while I'm single, but I'm also going to give myself a break and stop beating myself up. I used to see it as an excuse, but maybe he really did just need to go be a 22 year old guy. *exhale*

 

Has anyone else had a similar realization? How far into your healing did it come?

[AJEDrew7]

WOW. This is post really scared me. My moment of clarity came last night too. AND i was listening to kings of leon (though my song of choice was use somebody) AND my situation is basically the same as yours tooo! My girlfriend broke up with me like 7 weeks ago after a 7 month relationship. Basically, she felt she was too young and not ready to commit (we're both 20) she just wants to be a party girl and have random hookups...which, she's been telling me about...UGH. anyways, we broke up on spring break. The WHOLE plane ride home she rested her head on my shoulder, gave me kisses, and told me she loved me. I wasn't perfect either as I got a little police-y because we were LD and she was spending a lot of time with this guy friend of hers who was in LOVE with her. Basically, I'm going to take the time to work on my problems while I'm single, stay close from her and grow stronger from the pain and just learn and grow as a person. Right now, my realization has took me to another level of healing. I'm done being upset over her even though I really do love her. I'm not going to let her get me down anymore and I'm moving on with my life (but not necessarily moving on with my feelings for her) We're going to stay close, and maybe things will work out? Just maybe...but I'm not expecting them to. Don't know if you're staying around at all with your ex...

[twiceinoneyear]

Use Somebody is one of my all time favorites. We may have messed up relationships, but we have FANTASTIC taste in music LoL!

 

That realization is kind of bittersweet, isn't it? I finally have my "closure" but I also had to realize that closure means that's it, that's all - it's done.

 

I'm not staying close with my ex. We're in NC, but I call it "Polite NC" - we work in the same building so we see each other every couple of days. I wasn't raised to be a vindictive person so I always have a big smile and a "Hello" for him, but I never stop to chat or engage him in conversation. I absolutely miss having him in my life, but talking to him every day and hearing about what's going on in his life (like your ex is telling you) would be way too hard for me and it would be really bad for my healing. I love him with my whole heart and soul, but I won't ever take him back. You only get 1 chance with my heart because my heart is an incredibly special thing.

 

If close contact is what's best for you, I say go for it. But I just caution you to remember that hanging on to this girl might leave you with a false sense of hope and the last thing you want is to see your life passing you by because you're waiting for something that isn't there.

 

Stay strong!