LillyA Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 I’m 22 and graduating from college this May and like the title says, never kissed a boy, never dated, etc. It’s really sad. In high school I was shy and socially awkward. I thought back then that I would grow out of my shyness when I entered college, but that never happened. In college, I was just as shy as I ever was. I pushed myself though. I made myself join a sorority, which btw was hell for me but the girls were very nice and I actually had fun and other clubs as well. So, I did meet guys, guys that I was interested in and were interested in me as well. But it they never turned into dates, because lets face it, no one wants to spend hours with someone that couldn’t string 2 words together. I know what my problem is. I’m extremely shy and this is holding me back, but I’m working on getting over it. I like to think that I’m becoming more outgoing everyday. But it’s definitely difficult. I envy all you outgoing people. I really do. But the thing is, when I’m with my friends and people that I’m 100% comfortable around, I’m as outgoing and loud and fun as anyone else. I wish I could show this side of me when I’m meeting people for the first time, instead of the shy version. It just takes me a really long time to really open up to someone. Is anyone else here like me? Overly shy? Also, if I ever do manage to get asked out on a date, would my lack of experience be a problem? It’s so frustrating. Link to comment
DN Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 I suggest you join some sort of group where both men and woman participate but where meeting men to date is not the primary purpose. I belong to a community theatre group and I have lost count of the number of people who have met their partners while working on a play. I remember a very shy girl who joined and barely spoke to anyone. She worked backstage mostly but once I gave her a small non-speaking part onstage. She was so encouraged she took a theatre course at uni and a year later she showed up with a new boyfriend and the change was amazing - very confident, very happy and she had lost her shyness. The good thing is that there is no pressure. You don't have to act, there are plenty of backstage things to do - but you do get to meet people without the pressure of "looking for a date" - it just happens naturally and easily through working together. Link to comment
doc wannabe Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 There are TONS of people like that here. I was the same way, and if somebody would have told me when I was 20 that there are shy girls I would have been incredulous. Anyway, I echo the previous poster's advice. I think that people in general tend to become less shy as they get older ... for me I had to do that because I landed a job where I had to deal with the public. A lot of face time with total strangers will pretty much force you to become more outgoing. The interesting thing that I have noticed as well is that I tend to be a little bit over-outgoing maybe in new social situations now as a defense to combat my natural shyness and feelings of awkwardness. So a job where you deal with the public, and then in your free time, do something that you like and hang out with people that like to do the same things. I liked the theatre story, I've always wanted to try that, but never had the time. But what hobbies or interests do you have that you can pursue. That makes you a more rounded, more confident, more attractive person. And the guys are going to fall all over you, because that's what guys do. Link to comment
Bad Wolf Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 I'm the exact same way Lilly. But after awhile you do slowly come out of your shell, you just gotta give it time and try be as social as you can... Join clubs, hang out with friends more often and prolly the thing that's helped me is... Drinking! When I'm drunk you usually can't shut me up so I end up by talking to a lot of people and in the morning I'm usually pretty sweet with them. I can talk to them like I do any of my friends. Link to comment
Virgil Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 I'm the exact same way Lilly. But after awhile you do slowly come out of your shell, you just gotta give it time and try be as social as you can... Join clubs, hang out with friends more often and prolly the thing that's helped me is... Drinking! When I'm drunk you usually can't shut me up so I end up by talking to a lot of people and in the morning I'm usually pretty sweet with them. I can talk to them like I do any of my friends. I mean no disrespect Bad Wolf – you evidently have far more experience that I do – but I personally would not recommend getting drunk to overcome your shyness. The last thing you want is to do something really stupid and end up embarrassed and shy. Still, whatever floats your boat I suppose… I cannot really add to what the posters before me have said. All of them will know this better than I will. However I wanted to say that your lack of ‘experience’ will certainly not be a deterrent. Why, I would almost kill to meet a girl or two that could honestly say they were ‘new’ to the game. Of course, that certainly doesn’t mean everyone out there feels that way, but we are certainly around (if not overly common). Good luck, Virgil Link to comment
Striker17 Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 Honestly, if you want something to happen, go out and get it. Go to a bar (one for younger people, obviously) or a club and start talking to guys that you think are cute. All you need to do is compliment them on something that they're wearing, or even an enthusiastic "How's it going?" If they seem like a good guy, can hold a good conversation, funny, charming, etc... (there's no pressure on your part since guys are expected to come up with up to 90% of the dialogue in these situations) well then... go for it! If you guys spend more than half an hour talking, it means that he's into you. Ask him if he wants to move "somewhere quieter." Take him away from his/your friends to an isolated area (doesn't actually matter if it's quieter or not, as long as you two are sitting). I guarantee you a good makeout session before the end of the night. Trade numbers with him, and hopefully he'll call you up for a date within the week. As far as lack of experience... well, people would just assume that you're a bad kisser. Or that you're slightly awkward. But evolution has done a pretty good job at getting you to know what to do (kissing is actually a genetic thing too). Honestly though, kissing isn't too complicated, and sex, well, for women, it doesn't exactly take a brain surgeon either. You'll more than likely do fine Link to comment
Ramm Zwei Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 Am I the only one here who thinks there is something wrong with society when a guy is expected to do all the work, yet women like to talk about "equality" and how they can do anything a man can do? Link to comment
iwishiknew Posted May 13, 2009 Share Posted May 13, 2009 LillyA I'm in the same boat as you. I'm 31, and I never dated or kissed a girl yet. I know the feeling, it is very frustrating as the years go by. Link to comment
dr_styles Posted May 13, 2009 Share Posted May 13, 2009 I know what my problem is. I’m extremely shy and this is holding me back, but I’m working on getting over it. I like to think that I’m becoming more outgoing everyday. But it’s definitely difficult. I envy all you outgoing people. I really do. How much of it do you actually believe it is your problem though? Surely you can't be that shy to come off as unattractive? btw I'm not trying to convince you or anyone else of anything. I know what my "problem" is too (shy and not very outgoing) and try to work on it, but still I'll see other people around and think "Why not me?" (because I know I can't be that bad, I've seen people who are more shy, or geeky, or just unfriendly, or [whatever]). Is anyone else here like me? Overly shy? Also, if I ever do manage to get asked out on a date, would my lack of experience be a problem? It’s so frustrating. Well being a guy in the same boat really as iwishiknew. But at least you're a girl so I'm sure someone will ask you out on a date if you keep popping your head out at least. Link to comment
hmm1 Posted May 14, 2009 Share Posted May 14, 2009 I'm 22 and I've never kissed a girl. Come to think of it I've never actually been "in love" either. I'm a real freak. Link to comment
Stuffy Nose Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 @ Ramm Zwei: It's not changing anytime soon, so it doesn't matter if it's fair or not. You've just gotta get used to it. @ LillyA: Because a guy is supposed to do most of the work, I think it's much easier for a girl, especially one your age, to go out and meet a guy. Heck, you could probably just smile at one and, unless he's as shy as you, he'll come talk to you. Just remember that absolutely no guy will hate you or be annoyed by you paying him attention. Some may be neutral, but the overwhelming majority will welcome the attention, if only for a confidence boost. Link to comment
MiseryGuts Posted May 23, 2009 Share Posted May 23, 2009 I can totally understand your situation because it's the same as mine. I'm also 22, never dated a girl. I used to be really shy but have moved on greatly. I found that once I finally decided to confront my shyness issue, my attitude started to change. I really think it's all about attitude, so recognising the problem and being determined to change it is the most important thing you can do. I'm just taking the same approach now for meeting people -- focusing on my attitude. First thing I would say is, it's not sad. Just accept that you are who you are and you are in control of who you are going to become in the future. Many other people have also never dated, so it's not an issue with you, just a combination of situation and attitude. Don't second guess your decision that you want to find a guy by thinking negatively. When you get asked out on a date, just say yes. Trust me. I've made the mistake before of letting my shyness overcome me with a girl who I was totally comfortable with before she asked me out. From my perspective I was just being shy and made an excuse to say no. From her perspective I blew her off pretty bluntly, she was offended and wouldn't talk to me afterwards. So, make the decision now before it happens: you're going to say yes, even if you're not really interested in the guy. Link to comment
Mariahee Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 Im 17 and i haven;t kissed yet. I think it's because i don't feel old enough or ready to do stuff like make out yet, but it doesn't really bother me. I have a boyfriend, and im not going to kiss him unless i really want to Link to comment
iwishiknew Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 Im 17 and i haven;t kissed yet. I think it's because i don't feel old enough or ready to do stuff like make out yet, but it doesn't really bother me. I have a boyfriend, and im not going to kiss him unless i really want to Your still young, when reach 31 like me and have not kissed yet it might bother you. Link to comment
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