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What do past partners mean to you/ how often do you think of them?


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Pondering, keeping myself occupied and on NC! And I guess looking for some reasons to believe its all worth it and that even though sometimes people hurt one another so badly, walk away and never see someone they once loved again, that we do make marks on one another. Anyone help me out...

 

I've been hugely positive lately but I feel sad tonight, I still miss my ex and wish I could move beyond this limbo.

 

So....how often do you think about your ex?

Happy/ sad/ good things about them/ bad things about them?

 

Please tell me circumstances of break up and what still resides within you....I'm really interested. I am baffled by my exes! I know stories from you guys will get me no closer to ever knowing what he thought/thinks but share them anyway please do!

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So....how often do you think about your ex?

Happy/ sad/ good things about them/ bad things about them?

 

Please tell me circumstances of break up and what still resides within you....I'm really interested. I am baffled by my exes! I know stories from you guys will get me no closer to ever knowing what he thought/thinks but share them anyway please do!

 

My ex and I broke up about 4 months ago and I still think about him at least once or twice a day. The thoughts that mostly go through my head are the things he used to say to me (good things) + how he treated me towards the end (bad things)... which sometimes leads me to feeling somewhat sad, but then I get over it soon... since I know I can do better. My feelings towards him are now like, "I don't give a f***" I don't feel as if I miss him anymore, which I think is good for me too since he was my first serious boyfriend.

 

My other exes before him (I only had 2 others), I never really think about anymore - they never pass through my mind at all anymore since they never really made a lasting impact on my life.

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Hmmmm. Well, here are mine:

 

- 10 year. She broke up with me, but it was mutual. It was time. Think about her once a week probably. She still contacts me.

 

- 6 months. Fell way in love. Most classically beautiful and successful person I've ever dated. Thought I found my new life partner. Dumped after couldn't get previous ex out of my life fast enough. It's funny how the really good ones pay themselves so much immediate respect. We should all take cues. Think about her too often still. Still in love with who she was, but I don't know her well anymore so it's just an illusion. She sends me occasional emails, and I hear through mutual friends how fond of me she still is. In my daydreams on occasion.

 

- Various romances, short lived. I don't think of any of these people.

 

- 5 months. She fell for me. Eventually, she was too demanding, I felt suffocated, and I dumped her. She cried like crazy, and I've heard from mutual friends that she's still not doing so hot. I still feel guilty. I think of her once a month I guess, but I don't have a lot of feelings beyond guilt.

 

- 5 months. I have no idea how this ended exactly, but I was dumped. Proof that you can "learn all your lessons", and it doesn't make a bit of difference if the connection isn't strong enough on some level. Perhaps blowing her off when she asked to meet my parents had repercussions. Live and learn even more still. Of course, I think of her all the time. I can never stop. It's interfering with my work schedule at this point so it's quite annoying.

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My 1st ex ruined my life and has continued to do so to this day, my memories of him are filled with hatred. My 2nd ex well I think of him but for different reasons. More like I should have just stayed friends with him and never moved it that level. To this day I need his friendship, but really don't have access to it.

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Pondering, keeping myself occupied and on NC! And I guess looking for some reasons to believe its all worth it and that even though sometimes people hurt one another so badly, walk away and never see someone they once loved again, that we do make marks on one another. Anyone help me out...

 

I've been hugely positive lately but I feel sad tonight, I still miss my ex and wish I could move beyond this limbo.

 

So....how often do you think about your ex?

Happy/ sad/ good things about them/ bad things about them?

 

Please tell me circumstances of break up and what still resides within you....I'm really interested. I am baffled by my exes! I know stories from you guys will get me no closer to ever knowing what he thought/thinks but share them anyway please do!

 

Well it's been 3 years and I only think about him when I'm on ena, someone asks me, or when I talk to him. I would say that it took me a few months before I stopped thinking about him everyday. In the beginning of our break up I had a lot of anger towards him, and I only thought bad things. But now that I've moved on, I only talk about the good things, and I try to learn from the mistakes I made in that relationship

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So....how often do you think about your ex?

Happy/ sad/ good things about them/ bad things about them?

 

First:

I think about him about once every couple of months but very brief and we have been broken up for 6 and half years now. I don't think about him in a bad way because I am completely over him. I just think of him the way I think of old high school friends. It took me finding someone new 2 years after the break up to finally be completely over him. We were in a very tremulous relationship. He was also toxic for me, but I just couldn't move on. It took baby steps and NC. We were together for a year and half then did the make up break up game for another year and half. We were both young and really was not a good match. He also wanted to "play the field" basically.

 

Second:

It has been 3 months since we officially broken up, but 2 months prior he was already cutting me out of life when he left to go overseas. I think about him all the time but it has subsided to the evenings more so now. I have days like today where it's very difficult and they come every couple of weeks. Most of the time it's painful, but other times it's just numbing. When I think of him, I just have a lot questions since the break up was through an email in two short lines after over 3 years together.

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Here's my list:

 

- First LTR, 1.5 years, >10yrs ago now: virtually never think of him. When I do, it's more along the 'what was I thinking' line

 

- Second, 2.5 years: virtually never think of him. Occasionally will wonder where he is or what he's up to.

 

- Third, 6 years: I Google him every so often to see where he is/what he's up to. Really more to see what lies he's been caught in lately - he got very publicly caught out as a plagiarizer a year ago, to my amusement (revenge is sweet, even when you don't cause it, and I had nothing to do with this!), as he lied to me throughout our relationship. I don't contact him as he was very emotionally abusive, and previous attempts to initiate a friendship with him led to him desperately trying to get me back.

 

- Fourth, ~1 year: I think of him periodically (maybe once a month or so?), mostly with guilt, as I ended the relationship due to irreconcilable distance (we would have had to do an LDR for 6 years, minimum, which I couldn't handle). It broke his heart when I left him, making me feel horribly guilty; I also feel bad b/c I think we could have worked out had we been able to live closer.

 

- Fifth, ~1.5 years: we're still friends and email or chat periodically, and get together occasionally when I'm in town. If a couple weeks pass without hearing from him, I'll think of him and drop him a line.

 

- Sixth and most recent (2.5 months out): I still think of him daily, heck every couple hours. We were NC for a month, but had to break NC to initiate divorce proceedings. I/we haven't decided yet whether we'll continue contact after the divorce is finalized.

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Hi makingchange!

 

It DOES tend to get better in time, at least in my experience. It doesn't mean things are great for me or that I don't wish we could have worked out but I'm not in a state of grief so much anymore. Hang in there---you will get there too if you keep doing little things at time. I can almost guarantee it!

 

To answer your question, it's been almost 4 months since my ex fiance of 7 years broke up with me. We were a happy, wholesome couple for most of that time although we had some problems here and there and went to couple's counseling at our college to work on communication skills, which actually improved a lot.

 

We had plans to get married when he finished college (which would have been last month), but he got freaked out almost suddenly and called off the whole relationship. It pretty much came out of the blue except there were definitely surrounding circumstances in our lives such as the fact that he was doing REALLY poorly in school, had horrible job prospects, was super upset with his boss at his part-time job, and kind of going through a quarter-life crises, plus changes in his family recently that were putting a strain on him.

 

I think it just got too much for him to handle because he basically had a break-down, dumped me, and dropped out of school. He said he wasn't ready to be a husband or father and I guess I don't blame him since he couldn't handle his life as it was. He spent most of his hours playing World of Warcraft and seemed to want to avoid life and basically went postal whenever I'd want to spend time together.

 

I never thought we'd break up though. Our actual relationship was pretty darn good---we were best friends, very loving, good sex (each other's firsts), and got along just great most of the time...although that starting declining shortly before the break-up.

 

Basically, he got sick of life. He wanted to join the Americorps and said I should do the same. I said I didn't want to and he got mad at me. He talked about leaving his life and just going somewhere else in the country. I told him he was running away; he said he wasn't and that he felt he and I were holding each other back and that he needed to find himself. He swore he still loved me and wanted to marry me but told me not to wait for him, as it might be giving me false hope. He cried and said he hopes we can still be friends, but now does not contact me unless I contact him first.

 

He is always friendly and responsive when I contact him but he has basically implied that he needs lots of time to work on himself so I'm only casually contacting himm ocassionally to check in. I've decided to wait at least 3 months until contacting him again unless I have a very good reason. The last time was because I had a job he might be interested in. He appreciated it, so it worked out well. But I don't think he'd like me talking to him regularly right now.

 

I still hear from his family (mom, cousins, brother) once in a while and they are friendly enough to me, but we're not close. We only talk through Myspace. My ex is also still on my MYspace and still has me as his "Top friend" in addition to a pic of me with a mushy caption. He goes on from time to time (not often) but never changes his stats.

 

I think he's just trying to move on; I'm trying to respect him and move on myself. I still love him but try to focus on other things. I can't wait around for him and I don't think that's what he wants anyway. As far as I'm concerned, he's done with me and does not intend to get back together although he's not closed to the idea all together, just not counting on it.

 

So anyway, I'm just going about my life...not trying to plan huge goals, just daily and monthly tasks from now on...and see where life takes me. But I definitely try to work towards certain goals so that I can make some progress. Time itself goes by, but actions move us.

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First boyfriend = 2.5 years (but young 15-17) dont think of him often and when i do its with casual interest. Wonder how he is, hope he's happy. Wouldnt want to have ended up with him. Think only of good times, have even forgotten the heartbreak at the end having experienced a much more full and powerful love as i've got older.

 

2) together 4 years, think of him all the time but not with pain. Broke up almost 4 years ago now, i think of him a lot, we have mutual friends, I hear how he is, he recently moved close to me. I miss his friendship, he was incredibly important to me and I still wonder what he'd think of something or want to recommend a book to him etc. But i dont. We get along if we attend a mutual friends party but I dont contact him as he is in a relationship. Would love to be friends. Dont think of the bad times anymore. Compare people to him still. Often wish i'd been older and wiser when we met.

 

3) 1.5 years, left me heartbroken 1.5 years ago now when he left for someone else and cut me out of his life. THink of him daily, miss him, yearn for him. Thought he was my one, have never felt a love so powerful, or had a relationship so brilliant - right until the unexpected ending. Couldnt believe he would hurt me in that way.

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"It's funny how the really good ones pay themselves so much immediate respect. We should all take cues."

 

I had to bring this out of Jettison's post to make sure everyone saw it. Such good advice, and really true. There are several instances in which I wish I'd done similarly - walked away as soon as someone wasn't going out of his way to make things great.

 

Now I'm wondering, though...is it possible to take this attitude in a long-term relationship, or just at the onset? Do you earn "equity" and the benefit of the doubt as you go along, or is it always this simple?

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"It's funny how the really good ones pay themselves so much immediate respect. We should all take cues."

 

I had to bring this out of Jettison's post to make sure everyone saw it. Such good advice, and really true. There are several instances in which I wish I'd done similarly - walked away as soon as someone wasn't going out of his way to make things great.

 

Now I'm wondering, though...is it possible to take this attitude in a long-term relationship, or just at the onset? Do you earn "equity" and the benefit of the doubt as you go along, or is it always this simple?

 

Good point, purplekangaroo and Jettison. Thanks for bringing that up.

 

As for my ex, or rather, my pending ex, I do think of him daily. But lately, I am thinking of him as an important part of my life, and me of his, and separating doesn't negate that. He was my first love, and we were together 30 years. If anything, our relationship opened up the world of love for me.

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