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weak and confused, I need a boost, please


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I'm have many moments of feeling strong and confident, getting busy with new things and people, started seeing a therapist every other week, but every so often sink so low, especially in the afternoon, when he normally would call to chat. I miss his voice and our friendly banter. I am tempted to call. He wants to stay friends and maybe someday I'll be comfortable with that. Now I'm hurt by the downgrade.

 

As it stands now, he is not interested in marriage or "a relationship" but thinks our friendship will always be special. I haven't seen him in 6 weeks (I keep putting off our meeting) and have been LC for 1 month (4 days NC, had a brief conversation b/c he called and I wasn't expecting it). I am so sad, but also angry at myself, because we have been in this limbo before, where he wants to be friends and I am having a hard time moving to that state of mind. But he also repeatedly has said "Let's not rush anything" when I bring up divorce. (Me, I don't want to divorce, but can't see any other solution, unless I'm willing to be in long term pain. Looks like I'll have to take care of the legal details and paperwork, he's not likely to.)

 

Our story, in a nutshell, 30 years together, 29 years married, started in our early 20's, 2 grown sons. Starting 7 yrs ago he began working long distance, spending more time out of town. Since December he stays there, camping out and living simply, being "free", loves his independence. That's not really out of character, I just thought our bond was strong enough to allow for both of our uniqueness and needs. Ugh.

 

Please, can you help me get over this? I'm so frustrated with myself.

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Thanks BlueAfterglow08,

 

He might have someone else, but says he doesn't, says he's not interested in a relationship, period. It would be hard to hear if he did have someone, but it might be what I need to propel me forward. Even if we were to remain as friends, that would be hard, but I want to be healed to the point that it wouldn't.

 

I know my sadness is my own responsibility and due to my attachment to what I thought we had. Acting as if we were just friends works 50% of the time, but 50% makes me sad.

 

Thanks ready2heal,

 

I wish I did have a passion which would let all this fade in significance. I love what I do for work, love where I live, love my friends, love my pets, I have interests I enjoy, but none are my "passion". He said that too, if I had a passion it would be easier for me. (I didn't need him to tell me that!) I wish I already knew my passion, but I do want to find it!

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Thanks ready2heal,

 

I wish I did have a passion which would let all this fade in significance. I love what I do for work, love where I live, love my friends, love my pets, I have interests I enjoy, but none are my "passion". He said that too, if I had a passion it would be easier for me. (I didn't need him to tell me that!) I wish I already knew my passion, but I do want to find it!

 

It takes some effort to figure out (or remember) the things I've been interested in previously but never had a chance to try before. Also, it could be something entirely new. I'd start with what sort of things I liked and then investigate those. It's almost like the feeling you get with a person, a little skip of the heartbeat and an "Oh wow, I really like this!"

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