Jump to content

Stealing and being stolen.


Ball Four

Recommended Posts

Personally, I've never gone after a girl that was taken and never left a girl for another. But this must happen all the time right? I was just wondering how you deal with any sort of stigma. I mean really when you think about it we must all do what's best for ourselves. It's like if company A said to me we are not doing well right now and can't afford to give you a raise for a couple years but we ask for you to please hang with us because we were the ones that gave you your first break out of college. Then company B comes along and says "We are on fire right now how much do you want?" You're going to look at a variety of factors and do what's best for you. There is no real loyalty.

 

I ask this because there is a girl who is in a 2 year relationship which seems fine except for the fact he has yet to move here because he can't find a job. She has been here for 4-5 months now by herself. I'm getting some serious vibes and it's looking like it's only a matter of time. The problem is I feel sympathy for a guy I've never met. And on top of that there is a twinge of anger towards the girl. I try to rationalize it in an animal kingdom survival sort of way but then I get depressed about how cruel life can be.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

taking a job at a company over another is not like a girl leaving a guy for another. on a common note in either situation, if you aren't doing well, you end it. if you end it to move on to another person, that isn't the greatest. moving to another job you found is completely different in that aspect.

 

don't go for taken girls.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have never left a man for another man. I have made a few "quick turnarounds" but never with any overlap. If I find myself too attracted to another man when I am committed then I examine my current relationship to determine if I wish to continue, but only on the assumption that without my current relationship I will be alone.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Forget the vibes. She is taken..and seeing that the guy is long distance, she can even tell you that it is over when it isn't. Bad situation. She should be single for several months before you entertain any notion of getting together with her...to make sure that her relationship is well and truly over.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

He's planning on moving here. If he does, you'll definitely be the bad guy.

 

Look at it this way, did you ever want to be that guy that got his girlfriend this way? Try and analyze how it would make you feel about yourself. Do you think down the road you'd be okay with going through with this?

 

Also, if a girl is willing to leave her long time boyfriend for another guy...she can do the same thing to you. That would be kind of nerve racking to know that your partner has done that sort of thing to someone they loved.

 

There are plenty of lovely girls out there. You seem like a decent human being. You can find a girl that's not taken and I bet you'll feel better about yourself in the end.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Should you be angry at yourself or at the girl? Let's say for instance, you start a big new project, then you get side-lined in the middle to take on a task to do another, it takes an even longer amount of time to get things done, am I right?

 

Just think of the consequences of dealing with the inevitable extras if she can't leave her man when you both begin this new project together. On top of it all, you won't know where you both stand, and not knowing if you can live with yourself afterwards.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I hear what everyone is saying but part of me in the back of my mind knows that successful relationships have started this way. I'm sure there are several people here on ENA that stole a husband or wife they dearly love but maybe they don't want to admit it. Or they rationalize it to fate or something.

 

I just don't like the notion that everything is competition even though I know that it is.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I hear what everyone is saying but part of me in the back of my mind knows that successful relationships have started this way. I'm sure there are several people here on ENA that stole a husband or wife they dearly love but maybe they don't want to admit it. Or they rationalize it to fate or something.

 

I just don't like the notion that everything is competition even though I know that it is.

 

Love isn't a competition. I think you need to realize that there are other girls out there. Try and distract yourself from this girl.

 

You say there are members on here who won't admit it. If they won't admit it, it's because they are ashamed. Do you really want to be in that state?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I would be very suspicious of a guy if he left another girl for me. I would wonder, what would stop him from doing the same to me? Does this mean that he is ok with cheating? Of course things are never this black and white. There are times when maybe a relationship is dying, and they meet someone else and fall in love. I have seen success stories like this, and the person remained faithful to the new person.

 

You have to remember tha she is away from her boyfriend and is probably really lonely. Maybe she is starting to fall out of love with him, but I would urge you not to do anything with her unless she leaves her boyfriend.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's one thing to be a friend or an acquaintance and then to start dating after the relationship breaks up. But to go for the person and actually pursue them while they are in a relationship...not cool. It can be a fine line sometimes, but it's definitely there.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Let's say the two of you did nothing physically. But the taken person says to the SO "I've met someone else...I have feelings...I didn't mean for this to happen I'm so sorry yada yada yada." Then physically gets involved with the new guy.

 

This is more of what I'm talking about. It's not cheating per say but it's still crushing to someone.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Let's say the two of you did nothing physically. But the taken person says to the SO "I've met someone else...I have feelings...I didn't mean for this to happen I'm so sorry yada yada yada." Then physically gets involved with the new guy.

 

This is more of what I'm talking about. It's not cheating per say but it's still crushing to someone.

 

It could be an emotional affair and those can be as devastating (if not more so) than a physical one. To me, a person who is in a relationship should be committed enough not to spend time alone with someone they are attracted to and feel like they might start to get feelings for. People need to realize that in life there will always be a next hot thing coming around but it's ridiculous to just run off with him or her every time. If you want to be in a committed relationship, do that. If you want to be single, do that and date someone until you meet someone else you're attracted to and then drop them, but don't tell them you're committed when you're not. But you can't have it both ways.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My bf was in a failing relationship when we got together. They both had cheated on each other in the past and neither of them were happy. So, he left her for me. I'm not proud of that, and given all that we've gone through, I'd still do it again. I have a wonderful man, a brand new baby, a step-daughter and a beautiful home. I have no regrets.

 

And at times I did feel bad for his ex. No one deserves to be hurt. But I also know how manipulative and conniving she is. So, I dont feel anything for her anymore. She made her own mess (I wont go into details). I am pleasant to her when I see her and I make polite conversation, but I do not like her, and I do not trust her. I get along with her for the sake of our family.

 

This whole topic is touchy. All I can say is listen to your gut instinct. If that little voice in your head, says this is no good, then run like hell, but on the other hand, if it says maybe....who knows??

Link to comment
Share on other sites

OP, I think it's OK to remain friends/acquaintances, but I would not get close and definitely not spend on-one-one private time together. That's just me though. I think anything more is wrong.

 

I agree with this.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

yeah, but only remain friends if your intentions are to be friends. initially, i don't see those intentions. remaining friends probably isn't a good idea if you wait and hope.

 

I agree. Don't wait around as "friends" hoping things will change. I've had feelings for people who have been unavailable before (specifically, one time this guy was in an on off-on relationship and came to me whenever they were "off"). As soon as I found out about the relationship, I just backed off completely and did not remain in contact with him. I couldn't do that and not have feelings and hope and wait. And so I decided it was best to just drop him and not even try to be friends.

 

If you can be friends/acquaintances without holding out hope, then that's fine. But if you are just pretending to be her friend in hopes of dating her, then it's best to just drop her.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My boyfriend and I fell for eachother while I was still with my ex, but I had already fallen out of love with my ex and was staying with him trying to desperately make myself love him again just so that I wouldn't have to hurt him. My boyfriend said he'd never have persued things if I seemed happy with my ex or if I didn't seem totally defeated and miserable in that relationship. It took a long time before we became a romantic thing. I never cheated on my ex, except emotionally I guess. But none of it was planned...it's not always one person just swooping in and snatching a taken person without giving a damn, as my ex so nicely puts it. He only knows about my current boyfriend anyway because he wouldn' take me seriously when I said we were over. These situations are never straight black and white so people shouldn't judge so harshly.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

6 Simple Tips When Wrongly Accused ...
6 Simple Tips When Wrongly Accused in a Relationship

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...