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Question about cheating


Chippedbeaf

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What are the steps someone should take to gain forgiveness and attempt to fix a relationship after cheating has occurred? Just looking for some insight here. It would be great if everyone just gave a few bullet points or something.

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If you cheated, and you are sincere about changing, you will have to be honest from this point forward. Expect to be questioned constantly to ensure that you gain back your partner's trust. Tell them your whereabouts. Going to counseling may help as well. It may take some time, but it is doable.

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Bullets

1.The OP must be gone from any contact for life. No emails, texts, phone calls, anything. Any deviation from this is grounds for sayonara. If they work together, the cheating person needs to find a new job. If that's not possible, sayonara.

2. The cheating person takes 100% of the responsibility, doesn't matter what other problems there are. Remember, the cheater is trying to reconcile, they hold no cards, no leverage and they need to get used to it. Should the signficant other decide to forgive and reconcile, chances are that over time, they will absolve the cheater of some of their guilt through love. Any type of blame from the cheater and it's sayonara.

3. Some kind of show that there will be an immediate and drastic lifestyle change. New habits, truth, whatever. Doesn't matter if it's a one nighter or a full blown affair.

 

OH, and the cheater should do these things anyway, even if there is no chance of getting back together.

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I think a person would need to give up most of their privacy for a while and understand that their SO has no reason to trust them. Things like the SO having complete access to their phone/email, being questioned about their whereabouts are not out of line at a time like this IMO

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Infidelity is worth working out when the two people are married, and even then sometimes not depending on the circumstances. The scenario I've seen mostly is that the cheated on partner can never let the cheater forget and that type of torture is no basis for a committed, healthy relationship.

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Don't forget that someone who cheats has extremely low self-worth. Taking these steps are a good first step, but they need to look deep inside as to why they would lower themselves so far down to have no convictions. Alcohol is usually involved in the ONS's. That feeds into the selfworth issues.

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Personally I would never forgive, nor forget. If that happened, it would be goodbye. But that's just me. I would never cheat either. It can't be the basis for a healthy relationship when you know in the back of your head that they strayed once before and may do so again.

 

But I think 'nhisname2002' has some great ideas....the onus is on the cheater to win back the trust and faith of their partner. Would you be prepared to put the work in, ask some difficult questions of yourself and above all, be willing to commit to making it better? Before you try to fix the problem, ask yourself these things, otherwise in the long run, the process will be painful for all concerned.

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Providing that they have decided to give you a second chance then it would be counseling, being an open book to them, giving them access to your accounts and email along with phone bills and definitely giving up many of your freedom you had before. But lastly do have a lot of patience even when they ask you the same question the ''Why did you cheated on me'' and want the details over again.

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