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anyone an only child and got no parents or significant other?


k8s

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just wondering as the title suggests if anyone else has been thru what I am going thru? Finding it pretty tough 3 months in to my Mother dying now now i have noone - not even just the actual death that is getting to me really- its all the other stuff combined = paperwork, probate,mortality, how ur friends seem to abandon you as such compared to normal when people die cos they cant deal with it that sort of thing wondering how long this awful feeling is going to last and if it ever gets any better until something changes?

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3 months is a short time to say.

I'm not in situation described in your title but in some parts it's alike in your title. My father passed away almost 2 years ago, and I live with mother, who was devastated by his death.

 

Some people say that when you lose someone close, the second year is toughest, in my case i find it true. Grief for loving one comes in shape that you grief for yourself, for things you lost with that person, and in phase of grieving for that person alone. Often people skip one of that parts, they bury the grief and don't let it go out. After my dad passing away, i grieved for him,

deeply. Also i focused on my mother, her grief and making it eased. Grief for myself was aside. I lost lots of things emotional and material with him. I thought not on that, I've put that aside, which came back to me in a bad way. About year after his passing I thought my grief was gone. I've not noticed that in meantime i've became a chain smoker, that i was getting to be nervous all the time, few months ago i ended up with gambling problems. I was trying to escape something, which came back to haunt me.

 

Now 15 days before second anniversary, I feel sadder than even before, but I'm grieving for me, letting the grief that has to be put out.

 

What I'm trying to say, is that time isn't a crucial in mourning, some grief faster, some quicker, some skip phases and get more problems. You may have passed 2 phases, or maybe not. And there is no precise prediction when you will feel better. It is more important to come to senses with your lose. To re conciliate and continue with your life. "Goal" is to live again peacefully and not to get rid of the pain quickly, painkiller addiction as well could get rid you of pain, but that's simply not such a good way. Change is in you.

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I am sorry for your loss. I still have my parents but I can empathize with you. My big fear is when they die and I will be left alone. I have no partner, my brother is virtually non-existent in my life, I don't have close friends I can count on and I dread having to deal with all the paperwork and grieving on my own. There are a lot of people in the same boat as you, all alone, and somehow they make do, it just takes a while.

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I'm an only child and pretty much alone. My mother is mentally disabled and lives 2000 miles away, my father is nowhere to be found. His GF sends an email now and then to say he is alive and having some sort of medical procedure but that's it. No siblings, no extended family at all (never had any), no pets and no real friends anymore. Significant other I broke up with. I'm one of those people that would only be missed if I did not show up for work in a couple weeks, and even then, I think they would assume I just quit in a rude fashion and wouldn't look for me.

 

I just live focused on myself and doing what I need to do each day. When my mother was first disabled, it was rough and I felt very alone, but I grew used to it when I realized that part of my life was over and no one was going to take care of me but ME. I think that's when I finished growing up, even though I was 25 at the time.

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I took care of my mother when she was dying. I have a brother, but he was accross the country and not involved (and basically avoiding the situation) so no help at all.

 

I know how hard it is emotionally and physically to be in that role, and very depressing. You have to try to pace yourself, and make sure you set aside some time for yourself to relax and get away from the role, even if it means hiring other people so you can get away, or calling social services or hospice services in to help care while you get a break.

 

It is lonely too because nobody like the idea of death or being around the dying, and friends frequently don't know what to say and even if empathetic don't want to get into the details because it makes them uncomfortable.

 

Hospice workers can be very helpful because they are trained to deal with the death and dying process and can provide support. There are frequently free of low cost services to help you. I'd check with the county to see if they can provide some names and services to help you.

 

Hang in there. It is a very difficult time, but you will feel very good to know and remember that you did your best and did the right thing caring for your mother. It does feel like it is going to go on forever but it won't. And if you have cared for someone throughout this process, the grieving after the death is actually easier since you were prepared for it beforehand, and you can then get some needed rest and return to your normal life.

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