Jump to content

i texted her and asked her how she was doing


sunnyv

Recommended Posts

She's Not Texting Me Like She U...
She's Not Texting Me Like She Used To

I texted her today and asked her how she was doing. Asked her if she needed any of my help with her house or her resume or if she just needed an ear to listen. And she responded back that she was doing good and that she was doing her own thing and hanging out with her friends and if she wanted to hang out with me she would call.

 

lovely huh? all i did was reach out to her to make sure she is ok since she lost her job.

 

she didn't have to be so harsh to me. i treated her like gold. she dumped me and i still have been a friend to her through this whole thing. i treated her the best she will ever have, i can guarrantee that.

 

its just really horrifying to see how she can treat me with such disregard.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I texted her today and asked her how she was doing. Asked her if she needed any of my help with her house or her resume or if she just needed an ear to listen. And she responded back that she was doing good and that she was doing her own thing and hanging out with her friends and if she wanted to hang out with me she would call.

 

lovely huh? all i did was reach out to her to make sure she is ok since she lost her job.

 

she didn't have to be so harsh to me. i treated her like gold. she dumped me and i still have been a friend to her through this whole thing. i treated her the best she will ever have, i can guarrantee that.

 

its just really horrifying to see how she can treat me with such disregard.

 

Sunnyv,

 

don't be upset, she doesn't deserve you. Don't let her make you upset anymore, just ignore her from now on, no matter how hard it is to do it. I feel for you very much. I have been feeling like breaking NC for several days now but one of the things that are stopping me is the fear of getting a harsh response like that. Don't do this to yourself. Let her reach out to you whenever she has a need for that but don't look too available to help her because she will be turned off from this.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

thanks for the kind response. yeah i would say hold off if you can. i made myself look too available when all i was trying to do was the right thing. be there for her. after all seh was someone who was so important in my life for 6 years. now she has new friends and doesn't need my advice or help? like i said i don't understand this at all. why would she push me out of her life, even as a friend when i am smart, educated willing to help her and actually am trustworthy? she is going to find out the rest of the world is not like this.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sunnyv,

 

Sorry you got such a crappy response. You don't deserve that. I know how much that must sting, but try not to analyze the heck out of it. It will never make any sense to you because apparently you don't treat people like that. Hang in there.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

thanks becca. i appreciate this very much. you are right i don't treat people like this. i just don't understand why she would do this to me. especially since i don't deserve it. this is so hard to get through. i miss her as my best friend and my partner.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I know that it is hard dealing with breakups and that you probably loved this girl very much. I can read between the lines that you still have a lot of love inside for her. I think you are a good person to still love her. There is something in your thread that sticks out to me and I have to ask. Do you think she owes you time because you treated her so well? You guys aren't together anymore and it kind of worries me that you are calling her and asking her if she needs help with her personal business. Now, if you guys were together, then this would perfectly fine, but you guys are broken up now.

 

I think she turned down your offer with good reason. You guys are broken up now and it's time to move on. By calling her and giving her the opportunity to use you as a resource or to her benefit is showing her that you are a weak person. Stop calling her and show her that you don't need her to be happy. You seem like a nice person, and you shouldn't do this to yourself. Try going out to the bar sometimes to meet new people to take your mind off of her. Join a pool league or softball team. Summers acomin' so it enjoy it while it last! I hope you feel better.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

thanks live ur life for the warm words. actually no i don't think she owes me time at all to hang out with me. in fact i wasn't asking her to hang out when i texted her. i was more concerned to see if she was ok and was wanting to know if she needed my help in anyways. not to hang out at all-rather any help she needed from me. i dont' think she owes me anytime-that is not what i want here. at all. i was just concerned and you are right-i still do love her- and when you love someone, really trully love someone and feel that connection with them, no matter how bad they treat you, you are there for them in their darkest hour. thats all i was saying in my text to her

Link to comment
Share on other sites

thanks for the kind response. yeah i would say hold off if you can. i made myself look too available when all i was trying to do was the right thing. be there for her. after all seh was someone who was so important in my life for 6 years. now she has new friends and doesn't need my advice or help? like i said i don't understand this at all. why would she push me out of her life, even as a friend when i am smart, educated willing to help her and actually am trustworthy? she is going to find out the rest of the world is not like this.

 

Sunnyv, she feels very powerful right now, she is at the highest. There are new people around her and they may look more interesting and intriguing to her right now than you. The worst you can do in this situation is offer help because obviously she does not need it, and even if she did, she would just use you to help her. Don't go there. Don't you see how much you are hurting yourself by doing that? I did the same things over the last several months. I had been with my ex for 7 years. Over the last months he had been saying that we are not together anymore but acted differently. I had hope and I helped him with everything - his new house, furniture, anything you can imagine and did not even get 1 cent recognition for this. Don't let the same thing happen to you. She will need your help, eventually, but not now. Even if she does, I advise you to think carefully whether she deserves is at all. I know how is a long-term relationship, especially if you still love the other person. But keep in mind, it is not the same as it used to be. She wants to leave for some reason, this means that something was stronger than her feelings for you, no matter what this is, it exists. It is there. Don't force things because everything will turn against you. And, please, be strong. We all know how it feels.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

tujna thank you so much! you are right. i am willing to help her through her darkest hour. i have helped before and i do feel she used me. you are right for some reason she wants to leave-i can't figure it out why that is-i don't know what it is-if its the grass is greener syndrome or what-but you are right its there. you are also right because by forcing things she is turning against me. i am trying so hard to be strong. i go to the gym, work out try to stay busy, but every now and then my thoughts turn to her. spring is here and all i can think about is how we used to do things together outside and really live and enjoy life. i feel like i am missing out on life by doing things all alone.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I find myself still checking out threads on this board, not for myself or for any further advice from others because I am past the point of healing, I am absolutley healed. Now with that being said, its no longer about me, I have learned everything I possibly could from ena, but my interest is in others, others who I feel I know from their stories and whom I show geniune care for their well being.

 

Turning my back on this forum is kinda like turning my back on those people, I did some thinking about it and thought, if I am really healed, it should actually be problem coming back on here, just as one who is healed should have equally have no problem hearing their ex's name, watch tv or movies they used to watch, or converse with them having no expectations or hidden motives.

 

So, I have decieded it would be far more benefical to stick around and impart what lessons and knowledgeI have gained, after all if it wasnt for the advice of wiser people when I first came on this board I would have not been guided in the direction to eventually become one of these individuals.

 

Ok, well enough justification for continuing my posts on here, I am straying from the point, especially since this is not my thread.

 

Sunnyv, I identify so much with you, because in a nutshell, I was you. Dont take offense to this, I just know your story all too well my friend. When the time is right there should be no problem with "extending an olive branch" towards her as Siberia so delicatley put it. But it sounds to me that you choppin' a tree down to get her attention. Even with a text, if you did say all the stuff you stated in your text, thats just way too much for her to process brother. I know from your position it dosent seem like it, but you have to try to look at everything you do in these situations from a impersonal view.

 

If you became a clingy kinda-guy like I did, these kinda things are just going to solidify that image she has of you. As far as being harsh about it, trust me it can be much more harsh than that. The things my ex said to me when we broke up would make most men cry, so there is always crueler things to say. They dont want to be mean but they will resort to it if you dont get the picture.

 

Honestly, you should consider deleting her number from your phone, it will help you not make these impulsive texts or have to look at her number. If anything I would recomend getting anything that reminds her of you out of your reach and view, however you do what you feel is necessary.

 

I am not saying that you cannot contact her again, usually it is better if they call you, but you still can, only thing is it is def. not now, there is no scheduled date, but until then you really need to stay in NC. ESPECIALLY if your case is being to clingy, needy, or insecure like my case, like I said you are only going to salidify that image of the desperate guy if you keep calling or texting her.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

thanks friendnorfoe.

 

i appreciate your advice very much. i know you have walked in my shoes before. i wouldn't say i am too clingy, that is definilty not why we broke up at all. in fact i was very independent and we didn't even live together even though we had known each other for over 6 years and dated for almost 2 years. i still felt the need for our separate lives so we wouldn't be too clingy. the reason i texted her today was to see if she was doing ok after losing her job-thats all-not being clingy at all-. I loved this girl, i still do and i care about her. i don't want to her hurt and if there is anythign i can do to help her get a new job or just bring a smile to her face i would do it. thats all i meant today by texting her. for some reason though she wasn't too receptive of it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

tujna thank you so much! you are right. i am willing to help her through her darkest hour. i have helped before and i do feel she used me. you are right for some reason she wants to leave-i can't figure it out why that is-i don't know what it is-if its the grass is greener syndrome or what-but you are right its there. you are also right because by forcing things she is turning against me. i am trying so hard to be strong. i go to the gym, work out try to stay busy, but every now and then my thoughts turn to her. spring is here and all i can think about is how we used to do things together outside and really live and enjoy life. i feel like i am missing out on life by doing things all alone.

 

I understand how you feel. Nothing is as much fun or fun at all without them. But this will change with time. She will either come back or you will meet someone better. But she has to feel like that too. Let her have the time to appreciate your absence and the best way to do that is through NC. I think that something that gives the dumper a lot of power is when there is NC for a long time and then you break it. Then they know, you are still there, no matter how long you have been in NC.

 

I didn't like somethings about her response to you. She said she would call if she wanted to hang out. I am sorry but this is extremely offensive. She will call when she wants! She is in a way reserving the right to call if she wants it. You should just stay there and wait for this to happen. How about asking if you needed something? Don't wait for her... she doesn't seem to know what she is missing out - show it to her. You have the power to be happy with yourself and there are may nice girls beside her.

 

Here is link to a thread you might not have read but I think it is great advice for your situation. Especially pay attention to MrSoandSo post - it says more than anything I could ever say.

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

thanks tujna-i feel the exact same way when she says that she will call me if she wants to hang out....what nerve is that? i agree exactly-its as if she wants me to wait around for her to call and then all of a sudden when she wants to hang out i am supposed to be free and able to hang out. what happens if i am busy? what do i do then? you are right she does not know what she is missing out on. for some reason she can not see that. maybe you are right nc is the way to go-its just so hard how do i go nc with someone who i have known for 6 years and who was my best friend not only my partner?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

thanks tujna-i feel the exact same way when she says that she will call me if she wants to hang out....what nerve is that? i agree exactly-its as if she wants me to wait around for her to call and then all of a sudden when she wants to hang out i am supposed to be free and able to hang out. what happens if i am busy? what do i do then? you are right she does not know what she is missing out on. for some reason she can not see that. maybe you are right nc is the way to go-its just so hard how do i go nc with someone who i have known for 6 years and who was my best friend not only my partner?

 

Sunnyv,

 

as I mentioned I had been with my ex for 7 year, so close. Up until a month ago, I could not stop calling, ever. I was ready to do everything and thought that just by trying harder I will fix things. But truth is, there need to be 2 people to fix what is broken. And you can definitely do it. What helped me to stop calling were my friends telling me that I shouldn't, that I have done everything in the human power to keep him and that... nothing helped. Then, there is just one thing to do and this is quit. Interestingly, this is the only thing that can bring them back as well.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

thanks live ur life for the warm words. actually no i don't think she owes me time at all to hang out with me. in fact i wasn't asking her to hang out when i texted her. i was more concerned to see if she was ok and was wanting to know if she needed my help in anyways. not to hang out at all-rather any help she needed from me. i dont' think she owes me anytime-that is not what i want here. at all. i was just concerned and you are right-i still do love her- and when you love someone, really trully love someone and feel that connection with them, no matter how bad they treat you, you are there for them in their darkest hour. thats all i was saying in my text to her

 

but sunnyv, you have to love yourself too. It's not right of her to treat you bad and for you to accept it! You are not in a relationship with her anymore. & if she treated you badly, then you have to look at this like the perfect opportunity to get yourself together. No more caring about her and what she thinks. She is not around to hurt you anymore. You have to take care of yourself and your needs first. If I was in your shoes, I would forget about her. She woulda hurt me enough to the point that I could careless about where she is working or where she is doing with her friends.

 

Do you think she concerned about you?? Really? Forget about trying to prove her wrong or right or whatever. You need to focus on yourself. I know that you probably feel like you wasted sometime of your life with her, but you have to make up for wasted time. Now is your chance to go out there and start making yourself feel better. Start meeting new women who are going to make you feel better about yourse.f There are too many people in this world to be concerned about someone who hurt you and doesn't care about you! While you are trying to give her all of your love, and it is getting thrown against a brick wall, you could be out there giving it to your soul mate.

 

You don't need for anything! EMOTIONAL SUPPORT, PHYSICAL SUPPORT, FINANCIAL SUPPORT, ANY SUPPORT and that is what you need to show her. Close your mind on the memory of her. She is not worth your time. You deserve better!! You are a BETTER PERSON! There is no reason to feel the way you do..The only reason you feel inadequate right now is becasue she made you feel that way! It will get better my friend, you will see. Once you let go of her and start focusing on YOU AGAIN! You don't need people to NEED you. You will only get hurt and used thinking this way. It's OK to offer your help to people, but do it for someone who actually needs the help. A starving child, a homeless family, a single parent who has no job and needs a resume. Forget trying to help her. She won't even appreciate it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

thanks live your life. you are right she is not worried about me. she hasn't texted me once asking me how my life is going. everything is always about her. you are dead on right. i do deserve better. its just hard to find it and i don't know if i am ready to find it yet. i agree i don't need people to need me. thank you for putting it this way. i will continue working on myself and making myself happily. i believe when this happens then i won't have to "look' for someone special, that special person will someone come into my life.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

thanks live your life. you are right she is not worried about me. she hasn't texted me once asking me how my life is going. everything is always about her. you are dead on right. i do deserve better. its just hard to find it and i don't know if i am ready to find it yet. i agree i don't need people to need me. thank you for putting it this way. i will continue working on myself and making myself happily. i believe when this happens then i won't have to "look' for someone special, that special person will someone come into my life.

 

Your welcome. I'm glad that I could help you. I looked back at what I wrote and it seemed like I was shouting. lol..I do that a lot. I put "!" marks in everywhere..lol...Sorry about that. I wasn't yelling tho, I promise. She seems like a selfish person. I wouldn't be offering up my services or time to someone who was selfish and unappreciative. I've been there and done that and these people will suck you dry until you have no more to give. Only, you were offering HER help. lol...When I read your thread, I was like ARE YOU KIDDING ME? This chick doesn't deserve your help.

 

Good luck, hope things work out for you. & Keep yourself busy so you don't think about calling or texting her. That's the last thing you would want to do anyways. You should be worrying about if she's thinking about you, but if she just so happens to be thinking about you, you would want her to think that you are living it up and are too busy to be calling her. lol This is how it works....lol..Good luck.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

thanks live your life. i appreciate that. she does need to think i am living it up and i am too busy to call her. you are right, this is how it works. that is for sure. i will keep myself busy and after today i won't be texting her anymore, its not worth it, i was just trying to be nice and ask her if she needed any help. when she sent me the text saying that she was doing her own thing and hanging out with new friends and mentioned that if she wants to hang out she will call me.....what the heck? i don't think i deserved that at all. my intention was just to help-not even to hang out-just to see if she needed an ear to listen to her. i guess its because i truly really loved her that i didn't give up on her but now i see the light, its not worth contacting her because she does not appreciate me-she should feel very good that i reached out to her just to see if she needed anything,---but instead she does not appreciate me. i guess sometimes to creat value-i must disappear for her to wonder how i am doing or like you said she will think i am living it up.

 

by the way i didn't think you were yelling at me at all. i just wanted you to know that i wasn't trying to hang out with her i was just trying to see if she needed my help at all for anything.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Everything is right as rain, dont worry about me. Ok, so you were not clingy in your relationship, thats good. However, you are displaying clingy traits in your breakup. If she was the one who ended it then, she decided that you should no longer be a couple. Therfore, she is holding most of the power and will continue to do so knowing that you are trying to reach out to her. Sorry, but although you say your text wasnt clingy I have to disagree there. If you are no longer a couple then help finding her a job should be none of your concern. I know you say you still love her and care for her but dont let this blindside you. You have to ask yourself and be truthfully honest too, Did you text her really for this reason or was it just to talk to her, maybe a little bit of both. Only you know the answer to this. I know it sounds cold saying its not your problem, but it really isnt your resposiblity or priority to do anything for her anymore. * * * * happens everyday and if you contact her now, what is gonna stop you a month down the road when her cat dies, then when she gets a fever, when her porridge is too hot. Theres a defintite pattern and it will consume you if you dont stand up to it now. Dont tend or care to her needs either, cause she obviously isnt doing the same knowing that your in pain.

 

Its like your drowning to save her but once she is out of the water she wont lend you a hand. As she broke up with you, she probably feels like she dosent need you, so for the time being, do the decent thing and agree with this by not giving yourself to her. You have your own problems and life to deal with, its too much to focus on this and someone else, especially when that someone else dosent even want to be with you. Give attention where attention is needed, Besides, if you lost your job then do you think she would be texting you to see how she could help?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

friendnorfoe-

 

you have the greatest advice. i agree, she is not asking me how my life is going, i am going through complicated things myself, but never bring them up to her or ever ask her for her help. i always ask if she is doing ok.

 

i reallly did just text her to see how she was doing. i was concerned about her losing her job and just wanted her to know even though we aren't together i am still here for her.

 

i am so glad you came back to write on these posts, you really help me see things from a differnet light. you really help me. i enjoy your posts, your insite and your knowledge.

 

thank you friendnorfoe-thankyou for being you and bringing some light into my dark night tonight

Link to comment
Share on other sites

thanks cl76. i am back to working on myself and not wasting anymore time on my ex. i am seeing this, she is not worth my time. my time is better off vested in myself. she will learn one day that she missed out on the best thing ever

Link to comment
Share on other sites

thanks cl76. i am back to working on myself and not wasting anymore time on my ex. i am seeing this, she is not worth my time. my time is better off vested in myself. she will learn one day that she missed out on the best thing ever

 

Absolutley, if your relationship meant anything to her, she will realize this. She just needs to do so on her own without interference. What they want or value is not in our control friend, sadly many people do not understand this and plague their ex with attempts to control them in ways.

 

The path is not a straight one, their is many curves and inclines, it tends to give you spacious walking room then narrows to a tightrope. Dont forget what you had just posted, constantly tell yourself this or something similar through memorization. Just as people leave sticky notes on the fridge to pick up more milk and eggs, this will remind you where you are going and why.

 

Def. listen to what Cl76 has to say, hes a good man and a quite a wise aussie indeed. He was one individual in particular that helped me pick myself up again when I was where you are now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Now you're going to stick to that resolution and stop beating yourself up for your mistakes aren't you?

 

You only need to prove to yourself that you can be the best person you want to. When you achieve this state, your ex will not need to know about it (nor will she care anyway). The only person that matters now is YOU and of course, if you meet somebody new, they have everything to benefit from this new improved person you've become

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...