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I cant forget her no matter what i do


dflq123

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I just cant forget her... i cant get over it...its been 4 months now.

I was in the deepest pitt of despair, it seemed like she had a deep crush on another guy, had lost all interest in me, and moved on with her life.

 

To finally give myself closure and establish for fact in my mind that there was no hope of getting back with her and that she didnt want me, i went over to her place to finalize things and manually shatter my hopes.

 

Instead of being greeted with coldness or indifference, she greeted me with a strong hug. I told her we couldnt be friends, that it was too hard on me. She told me that she understood and how much she loved me and how amazing i was and how she would never find another guy like me.

 

I said i still wished we could be together. She said we couldnt, that it would never work, for practical reasons, like her parents, and our different goals in life. I protested, and she even asked me what my suggested solutions were, but i had none, and resigned to what she said.

 

She kissed me on the lips, we embraced, and i told her again that it was too hard for me to be friends and that i couldnt talk to her anymore.

 

I left.

 

This was the best ending i could have hoped for yet i still cant accept its over.

 

I hate myself...

 

Now im telling myself i will go back to her door next month and this time have a solution to our practical problems,

 

I feel like i have a sickness i cant end this.

 

Help me.

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I believe that letting go of someone is a conscious decision. Everytime you find yourself holding on to her, remind yourself to let go. It's a scary feeling to just let things go, but holding on doesn't help at all.

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Im there too man... different situation but in terms of not being able to let go, i am right there too. But my ex cheated on me and despite knowing she is no good for me, i still ache for her and us and the past...

 

it must be tough for you cos she asked you to come up with a solution, fact of the matter is that if you were meant to be together then a solution wouldnt be necessary in the first place. True love is never that difficult, yeah people who are meant to be go through rough patches, but love and relationships are defined by how we get out of those rough patches i think, and thats the difference between meant to be and not meant to be.

 

think of the possible outcomes of going to her with a "solution" what are they and how likely do you think each outcome is in deep down? Use your head and not your heart to answer that...

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Some simple steps that may help:

 

Step 1) Accept that it is over. It is dead and there is no going back. Then convince yourself that you don't want to go back there because you have suffered enough and it's time to stop the pain and live again.

 

Step 2) Start doing stuff you've always wanted to do but never got around to it. This could be socialising, getting fit, reading books, learning about relationships, playing a new sport, new job, new toy, going on vacation, catching up with old friends, learning a new skill etc. Spend at least a month doing this, making sure you do a bit towards attaining your new goals every single day.

 

Step 3) After you've been doing Step 2 for a month, go and start dating new people. Try Internet dating - seriously (there's a whole strategy to approach that too - make sure you get some info). The important thing is that after accomplishing some goals as a single person you become happy with yourself again, this is how you "heal" after the break up.

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Sometimes when people chose to be without us they do it in the nicest possible way. Bear in mind they are still choosing to leave us behind.

 

This absolutely goes to the heart of the matter. Also I think you know this otherwise you would probably have come up with some solutions when she asked you.

 

Agree that you should keep busy as well, however, I would suggest you don't jump back in the dating market for at least a few months. If you're hurting so much now the last thing you need is another relationship. You need to heal first. Take care.

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