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I don't think I care about living anymore, I think I tried to kill myself.


CoCo2009
Quit My Job To Travel The World (On...
Quit My Job To Travel The World (One Second Every Day)

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I woke up to a bang on my door early this morning and the security guard told me someone busted my window and stole the radio out of my car. My car is ripped apart on the inside and looks like crap, I could only afford liability insurance so I'm not covered, the apartment is not responsible. My mom had to give me 100 dollars because I don't have any money until I get my unemployment check. I don't have a job, my boyfriend dumped me because I'm a freaking loser, and I feel like I just want to die already. I was on my way to get my window fixed and my car shut off on me out of no where, I had to hurry up and try to start it and thankfully it did. I started to cry and drive real fast and I almost hit another car. I didn't want to hurt the other person so I got out of the way but inside I wish I could have just died in that car accident. I don't care anymore. I just don't think I care anymore. I'm hurting so bad. My head hurts so bad, I can't barely see straight.

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I had my car broken into recently. It's scary and it's a pain in the ass. But be grateful it wasn't your house.

 

You're failing to see the good things in all this (and no, i'm not crazy. You can find good in every situation).

 

Your boyfriend broke upwith you not b/c you're a loser but b/c you grew apart. Be grateful you have the time to get to know yourself without him.

 

You're unemployed, yes, it sucks, but you get unemployment. Be grateful this country has that option open for people who need it.

 

You have no money. Your mom gave you money. Be grateful you have someone to go to help you get by, even if with just a little bit.

 

You're alive. You're breathing. Be grateful for that in itself.

 

Until you start becoming grateful for the things you have instead of hurting and being angry over what you don't have, you will not reach happiness or healing.

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My mom didn't really want to give me the money she just felt like she had to because otherwise my car would be open all night long for someone to steal it. She then told me she things it was my ex (throwing salt on my wound for no reason) then she said that they are probably going to steal it tonight because they know my alarm doesn't work. I feel so alone, I hate my life so much I can't even explain it, I've never hated anything so much in my whole existence, I hate my life.

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I'm grateful that I can sleep, I just want to sleep and never wake up, I want him back I'm so lonely I hate everything, my unemployment is too low, I'm gonna lose my apartment. I can't take this anymore, my head is freaking going in circles.

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If you lose your apartment, you'll find another one. If you are alone now, you'll meet someone some day. God will provide for you. Sorry if that sounds bible-beating, but it's not. It's faith. Have faith that it'll get better and it will. I know this for sure b/c it's happened to me.

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I don't know anything anymore, when I heard that knock I though it would be my ex because I miss him so much even though I try to be strong I'm not. I'm weak, and I'm ashamed of myself everyday, I hate myself. I dont' know.

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what jobs are you applying for? are you applying for anything that you can do? waiting tables, coffee shops, retail, anything?

 

When you get busy, you get better. You have to get yourself out there. You are holding yourself back by pitying yourself all the time. You have the power to make your life better. make it better.

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I don't have much advice to offer just wanted to give you some cyber hugs!!! Things WILL get better. Just keep your head up. I know it's easier said than done but we all get down in the slumps at some point or another if you allow it to get the best of you you will never get out. But if you hold your head high and have faith that things will change for the better it will happen. Best of luck to you.

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Hi Coco,

 

I read your story and it's completely understandable how you must be feeling so distressed right now. Things seemed to happen all at once and it must be overwhelming.

 

I'm not the States so I don't know about the health system. However, is there any free counseling you can access? Taking to a counsellor can be very helpful.

 

When times are very stressful, is it possible for you to find a quiet and safe space somewhere and sit down and try to relax? Some people find that it's helpful to tense their muscles up and imagine all the stress in the muscle before relaxing the muscle and thus letting go of all the stress. Others find it helpful to close their eyes and take in 10 to 20 counts of slow, deep breaths so they can feel a little calmer.

 

I know it must be very difficult to keep positive. It seems as if everything is very negative and you can only see the future in a bleak sort of manner. But things will get better. You have to give yourself time and take things one step at a time.

 

I do think that it is important you have someone to talk to and I hope you can find some good organisations that offer free counselling and maybe assistance in job-seeking in your area.

 

 

Big Hugs!

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