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Great 1st date but no connection?


jlove89

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So I met a girl from POF on Friday night....we went to a restaurant and stayed for 2 hours...we talked and laughed nonstop...it was great i dont think i ever hit it off that great with a girl in my life......she kept telling me how funny i was and that all the other guys shes met from that site are weird and corny....the minute she got home she sent me a message saying thank you again and goodnight.......i was 99.9 percent sure there would be a second date....so sunday night i called her to set up a 2nd date and got no answer...so i messaged her on the site and this morning i get a response saying sorry but i really didnt feel a connection between us other than friends....

 

I really dont get it im getting so annoyed with dating....we both had so much fun during dinner that we stayed for 2 hours talking and laughing nonstop until it was time for the place to close and they were basically kicking us out....Does this make any sense???????????

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It sounds like she liked you, had fun hanging out with you, but wasn't attracted to you. Sorry, it sucks. Onwards and upwards.

 

Agreed. I connect with a lot of guys as friends in my life but there's no chemistry.

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sorry man, yea girls can be weird like that sometimes, I'm in that kind of situation myself

 

I don't think it's "weird" to meet someone from the internet, think they are a nice/fun person, but not be attracted to them. Seems like it would happen all the time.

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let me explain what i dont understand...as far as looks she was attracted because i showed her many pics and they were not fake...i would say i look better in person than the pics i showed her.....also we connected very well for 2 hours the whole time non stop talking and laughing and we both are very similar and basically want the same things out of life...

 

If thats not a connection what is????

 

I dont get dating or life...

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I was in a similar situation just a few weeks ago, when I dated a guy and we really hit it off on the first date. We also talked non stop for two hours and laughed, etc etc...but that doesn't mean that you are attracted to that person, it just means you've met a nice person who you connect with on that level. In my case, I gave it a second go because even though it was great, I didn't think my feelings went further than platonic. The second date confirmed it, and I had to be honest with him.

 

I don't think she did anything wrong at all, except maybe delaying a response. If there is nothing there, it's just not meant to be. I think one of the major advantages from online dating is that you can just move on to the next one, and keep going until you find what you're after.

 

Good luck!

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It sounds like she liked you, had fun hanging out with you, but wasn't attracted to you. Sorry, it sucks. Onwards and upwards.

 

that's my guess as well. i'm actually about to say that to a guy myself.... (in a nicer way...)

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i still dont get it because ANY girl that i can talk with for 2 hours and laugh the whole time and feel like the 2 hours went by so quick it felt like 5 mins and i find to be physically attractive i will have a connection with and i will want a 2nd date

 

She had to find me attractive because she saw a bunch of pics of me before she met me....she wouldnt of agreed to meet me if she didnt like what she saw

 

See ...thats why i dont get it

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i still dont get it because ANY girl that i can talk with for 2 hours and laugh the whole time and feel like the 2 hours went by so quick it felt like 5 mins and i find to be physically attractive i will have a connection with and i will want a 2nd date

 

She had to find me attractive because she saw a bunch of pics of me before she met me....she wouldnt of agreed to meet me if she didnt like what she saw

 

See ...thats why i dont get it

 

Looking at pictures of someone and meeting them in real life is totally different. It's chemistry/attraction/a spark, and you don't know if you have it via the computer. You obviously felt that chemistry, and she didn't. You can still talk and laugh with someone you aren't physically attracted to.

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let me explain what i dont understand...as far as looks she was attracted because i showed her many pics and they were not fake...i would say i look better in person than the pics i showed her.....also we connected very well for 2 hours the whole time non stop talking and laughing and we both are very similar and basically want the same things out of life...

 

If thats not a connection what is????

There are different kinds of connections. You must have female friends that you are not romantically interested in, even though you find them physically attractive.

 

Looking at pictures of someone and meeting them in real life is totally different. It's chemistry/attraction/a spark, and you don't know if you have it via the computer. You obviously felt that chemistry, and she didn't. You can still talk and laugh with someone you aren't physically attracted to.

+1

 

Pics mean nothing relative to the first few seconds in person.

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JLove: I think what no one is telling you but all trying to say is that while she may have found your appearance attractive (on an aesthetic level), and your personality attractive (on an intellectual level), perhaps she did not find you attractive on an emotional level. How did you make her FEEL? This is the most important aspect to most women. And while talking and laughing can be fun, it may not be the intimate feelings she's looking for. Did you make her feel sexy? Or did you make her feel safe? Both are good feelings, but if the balance is too far in one direction she will feel unsafe around you, the in the other direction unsexy. Life is a balancing act, and everyone has a different balancing point.

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i used to think the same way .. when i first started to date during high school i thought that being able to converse with a girl and make laugh for hours was something special. any girl i can do that with was considered date worthy.

 

however as time went on and i dated more and more people, i realized that good conversations and laughter is a minimum standard when determining if there is any attraction.

 

youll find it easier to have that 'minimum standard' with any girl .. ive been doing the online thing and every single girl i met i was able to talk with for hours and had a lot of fun.

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OP: That's all par for the course in dating. Don't take it personal and move on to the next one. This sort of thing is going to happen.

 

ps don't spend alot of money on first dates either.

 

 

My rule of thumb is don't count on anything until you get 9 dates in.

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thank you for all the responses....it just sucks for me because she was really hot and basically had all the things i wanted in a girl.....not a party animal, mature, nice, fun to be around...etc

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I had the same thing happen to me. I ran into a girl I used to work with and she flirted with me at work. I got her number asked her out and we had a good time. I wasn't feeling any sexual chemistry with her but I found her attractive. I dropped her off and we just hugged.

 

I called her again a few days later and she never called me back.

 

I found out later when I happened to work with her briefly again, through a friend that she said we went out and there was no chemistry between us.

 

In retrospect it's not just about having a good time and having a "connection." There has to be some sexual tension there. Flirting. Staring of the eyes. The conversation. We went out and it was too "friendly."

 

While I am not the best at flirting, I do use the eyes to bring a sexual tension to the situation.

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Yeah, I've had this work both ways with me too.

 

I have met guys who I'm attracted to physically, and have a lot of stuff in common, but just one little thing about them can irk me - and it's usually a dealbreaker - ie. a huge difference opinion on something I'm passionate about, etc.

 

I have also met many guys who didn't pursue me past a 1st date, and yet I look better in real life, my personality is identical on a date to my emails (perhaps a teeny bit shy), and we seem to chat for hours, then they either don't call again or say they didn't feel a connection.

 

It sucks when it happens, but just remember it happens to most of us... you had a good date with this girl and you'll have many more to come!

 

Ammy

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