Jump to content

3 year old having problems adjusting.


Thalor

Recommended Posts

My ex and I split back in September. We don't get along anymore and only communicate when it relates to our son. She moved on with another guy and is pregnant with his child. They recently moved in together. I have my son every weekend and a few hours on Wednesdays.

 

The past few months I've noticed my son acting different:

 

-more aggressive

-doesn't want to talk to his mom when she calls (although sometimes the reverse is true too)

-at her place he slapped her and threw a glass bottle, breaking it

-when it is time to take him back to his moms he usually resists

-I get calls late at night because he is crying because he can't see me (he doesn't do this for his mom, granted he is with me less)

-says he doesn't like it when "that man" kisses mom

-had a dream where his moms head and tongue fell off and had to be put back on

-claims he can only love one of us. My ex says our son told her that I told him this. This is absolutely false. I have never undermined her in front of our son. When I probed further he says he doesn't love his mom. I tried over and over to make him understand it is ok to love both of us.

 

Currently my ex has full physical custody. I'm planning on challenging this to get primary partial custody. There have been issues with drugs and her boyfriend's criminal record. My lawyer doesn't think I have enough to get full physical custody though.

 

When we were together my son never acted like this. I'm not sure what to do. Is he too young for counseling? How should I handle this?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sounds like somewhat normal behavior for a 3 year old to be honest with you. Add on the stress for a child of big changes that have happened and it just seems like he is acting out like a normal child would. My son does most of the same things and he just turned 4.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

He's feeling resentment towards his mother, which is normal. It sounds like his mother is not considering how all this is affecting him and in turn, he feels loss of control of his surroundings and acting out. Therapy might be good, but his mother needs to start making room for him in her life instead of this guy that got her knocked up.

 

I hate to sound harsh here, but your son is obviously suffering from her decisions and she's building a new family. A three year old doesn't have the capacity to deal with all this change as effectively as older child might. He is no longer the center of her world and I tend to think from your post that she is putting him on the back burner.

 

Therapy might benefit, but if his mother doesn't change how she behaves (i.e. giving him more one on one time), he will continue to resent her. It's only been 8 months since you seperated and she's already living with and carrying another man's baby. Your son is missing you not being there all the time and now he has this new man in his life. Things might get better once you share 50/50 custody so he gets to see you more.

 

Good luck.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I just want to ask why do you seem so to be so harsh towards the mother nowhere did he mention she was a bad mother so why jump to the conclusion that he is resenting his mother for her actions, she hasn't done anything wrong (Going by what the OP has said in his post..).. My son has gone through some of the same things, for the most part it is typical 3 year old behavior. Also just because his mom has moved on doesn't make her a bad person and also doesn't mean she isn't giving him enough attention even if she is "knocked up". Not sure how you get she is putting him on the back burner just by the original post.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What about having the court appoint a Guardian ad Litem for the child. This is an attorney who represents ONLY the child. The Guardian ad litem will do what is in the best interest of the child. This may be a good way to help the court determine who should get full physical custody.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

she hasn't done anything wrong...

 

In my opinion she has done plenty wrong. Her boyfriend got her to start smoking pot. From what here friend reported to me it was quite frequent. It is unclear whether it was happening around my son. The boyfriend also has been convicted of assault, 2 marijuana possessions, and 2 drunk drivings, all in the past 6 years. She is leaving my son alone with this man.

 

I reported it to Child Protective Services but due to some cosmic convergences she wasn't at the house she was living at when they came to investigate. She also lied to the case worker about how often the boyfriend was around. Also told the case worker the boyfriend wasn't watching my son. All lies according to one of her oldest friends. CPS told my ex that the boyfriend was not a suitable caretaker but did nothing further. Since the report they have moved in together.

 

Right now we have joint legal custody. She has full physical custody. She has been using the custody as a tool to pressure me out of going to court. She doesn't understand why I'm trying to ruin "her" life. And here I thought I was looking out for our son...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...