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I want him back...is there even potential at this point?


_amani_36

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I kind of need responses ASAP, because I do not know what to do..Should I pursue him? or just let him go?

I am going to try to keep this as short and condensed as possible...

So my boyfriend and me have been together for 6 months now, and we are absolutely crazy about each other. He is 25 and I am 20...We both love each other and everything was going well up until 2 months ago, when he started working again. Once he started going to work, our schedules made it impossible to see each other, and the distance began to grow between us. We used to be able to see each other almost everyday. To me it only seems obvious that if we stop seeing each other so often that there were going to be more phone calls involved. I am just so used to the way me and my family and friends respond to each others phone calls, that makes me question his feelings for me. I am pretty sure everyone else does the same thing, lol the normal thing..When you are busy and unable to answer a call, when you free up don't you call that person back? I mean thats what I do...With him its like if he's busy he won't answer, and when he frees up he does not call back. So I would call again in a few hours hoping that he would answer, and he may or may not, and my phone calls will end up being like 5 or 6 times a day, and even a few texts in between saying things like hey when you free up call me...He began to get annoyed by how many times I tried to contact him when I obviously knew he was busy...But anyways, besides all of that, he called me just this past Monday to break up with me saying that we both need to go our separate ways because he needs to focus on his life and medical school soon and studying for the MCAT and things of this sort. He said because he was 25 he needed to start focusing on his life and he didn't need a relationship which distracts him...He says the volume of calls he gets from me is one of the main reasons he is ending our involvement with one another. I think if he had a problem with how many times I called him he could at least tell me or show me that he was annoyed. He never showed me that he was irritated with the calls, and everything appeared normal, but now he is being horribly mean and won't answer me anymore because when we last talked I told him I wanted to see him to say goodbye...I need closure...What do I do?

 

I want him back... =( I have cried non-stop lately, and when I am not crying all I am doing is fighting back tears...it has even gotten to the point where I feel sick and throw up. I can not sleep without taking sleeping medicine to pass me out cold, and I literally feel like he has ripped my heart out. its like dieing on the inside...When I wake up in the morning I think that today is a new day, that I am not gonna cry and I dont need him..but in reality I do cry, and I do need him..When I told him that I was not strong enough to handle losing him, all he said was that there was no changing his decision and that I had to come to terms with it...

 

By the way he still says he loves me very much but this is just something that he needs to do for himself... I really don't know if I can genuinely believe that.

 

Thanks you guys! It was very helpful to vent...

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I think that you need to step back, and leave him alone.

 

Calling him 5-6 times a day plus texting in between is on the line of "stalking", which I don't think is your intention, but you do have to put an end to doing just that.

 

 

Trying to keep contacting him will not bring him back, he has to want to do that on his own.

 

Take care...

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Let him go is my advice and do not even try to contact him anymore. You say it yourself that you "need" him... Relationships like that are no good! You should be equal to one and other... He´s busy with his things and let him. He doesn´t want something getting in his way like a relationship where he´d have to commit and make some extra time. He´s doesn´t have the time nor the energy. Believe me, he´s not the right person for you. You might not see it now but in a few months you´ll realise that you´re better off without him. Focus on yourself and love yourself first and foremost.

Take care and good luck with everything.

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By the way he still says he loves me very much but this is just something that he needs to do for himself... I really don't know if I can genuinely believe that.

 

Thanks you guys! It was very helpful to vent...

 

Your guy is a great example of how a man should live his life. THis guy 'gets' it.

HE is building his career and focussing on HIM and whats he wants. He is being honest with you too ( but you may be hating some of what you are hearing ).

 

Young women often make the mistake of competing with a man's career (by hounding him when he is busy).You should have stepped back and supported him when HE needed that in a way that ADDED support to his hectic study schedule.

 

I think that you should look at your self-defeating neediness and realise how selfishly you were acting in expecting him to attend to your emotions 5-6 times per day.

 

However, with some patience on your part, and a lot of self reflection, this may turn around - no guarantees.

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My ex would call me 5-6 times a day, and text, for months while he was working and going to school. But he is Bipolar-1, so I have no idea what's "normal."

 

THat's not normal. Neither is it helpful, sane, smart or respectful.

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Yeah. I guess that's why it was so hard transitioning (in my breakup) from all that attention, to the "silent treatment" right out of the blue.

 

Not normal behavior.

 

Your mission in the future is to NOT get in LTRs with nutjobs. ( but I do understand that they are the exciting ones ! )

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I mean I used to be able to talk to him about everything! I mean I called so much because I guess everytime I heard something funny or something interesting happened in my day I wanted to call and tell him about it...I mean me and my sister are like that, any time we hear or see something we want to tell the other we pick up the phone right away and tell the other person...I mean I understand that it does seem much to call him so often, but, I guess thats just how I am...

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lol, so i hope you guys dont think I am like absolutely crazy for thinking this but I was just wondering since my boyfriend (well I guess he's my ex now) and his mom are pretty close friends, would it be absolutely crazy to talk to his mom? I mean he is completely ignoring me at this point, and I need a way of contacting him...I just think if I talk to his mom, she might be able to help me get in touch with him..

 

Or will this just make him resent me??

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That would be HIGHLY inappropriate and cleary manipulative. Obviously he doesn't want to talk. I would be p***** if my "recent" ex called my mom.

 

Maybe this should be a sign as to how low the relationship has sunk. I mean I've been there. I know how it is. I almost called & emailed all my ex's relatives and friends.

 

Thank God I didn't stoop that low.

 

NC is best. They often come back that way.

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hi sweetie, i know how you are feeling right now, you feel you are losing control to your grief. my stupid boyfriend did the same thing to me, he broke my heart knowing that he is breaking my heart. i felt that i couldn't take it, i needed his support because i felt that i was breaking down. honestly i almost wanted to beg him to support me, but what stopped me was, i knew he wouldn't, and that would totally kill me. i have to rescue myself, no one can help me except myself.

 

i know that what is killing me is my emotion, what determines my emotion would be my thinking. so i went to borders and get the book " When Anger hurts". i read the middle few crucial chapters, it flipped my mind immediately, i calmed down immediately and not feel as hurt anymore. in short, i regain self control. you may think you are not feeling angry, doesn't 'matter, you can substitute angry with words like depression, broken hearted , anything negative emotion you are feeling, this book still works. i promise you. it will open up your mind.

 

your reason about your calling pattern is valid, his reason to concentrate in his career is valid too. but instead of forcing him to accept your reason, maybe you should learn to accept his reason first. he is not obligated to accept your reason, he will only if he wants to, but he is not obligated. overtime, when he no longer feels irritated by you, there is a chance he will cool down and calls you up again. right now, your only chance is to back off. what you need to do now is to learn how to control your panic and grief, not by yourself, by reading. and no point talking over and over with your friends, they do not have the knowledge to help you. get the book, give your self few hours to read it quietly. you may be surprised and find relief and wisdom.

 

take care please. force yourself to eat good food.

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lol, but I don't know what to do..He just called one day and broke up with me completely out of the blue..and now he's being so childish he won't even let me talk to him...he says there is no point because no matter what I say, he has already made up his mind and I have to come to terms with it...

 

But what he doesnt understand, is I realize there is no hope of us getting back together at this point...its just I have alot of unanswered questions, and closure will help...I did not see him for 2 months before we broke up...

 

but wait, so what if I met up with him after work? is that ok?

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..and now he's being so childish he won't even let me talk to him...

 

HE is not being "childish" or "immature" like girls love to say when a man does something which displeases them .

HE is done with you and he sees no point in continuing the connection.

You would be better off accepting that too and learning from your mistakes.

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i will be direct. he doesn't want to talk to you right now, let alone see you. and about telling his mom about this, i don't encourage. all these will make you seem more irritating to him.

 

yes i understand you need closure. but he is behaving in a jerky manner right now, he wouldn't care about your needs now. accept this. forget about closure right now. you want to feel better, i know, but he doesn't care, we can't force him. just step back, do nothing. is not easy, but the only right thing to do in my opinion. read other thread with 5 stars under "Getting back together" to find strength.

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my stupid boyfriend did the same thing to me, he broke my heart knowing that he is breaking my heart. i felt that i couldn't take it, i needed his support because i felt that i was breaking down. honestly i almost wanted to beg him to support me, but what stopped me was, i knew he wouldn't, and that would totally kill me. i have to rescue myself, no one can help me except myself.

 

I will definitely check out that book...see, your ex knew he was hurting you and continued to do it...I always thought that because my ex had bad experiences with break ups and loved me enough not to hurt me like he was hurt that it would never happen to me...He used to complain about how his ex treated him like he was unimportant and when she left him he says it felt like the end of the world...So I put so much trust into him because I believed that since he went through something so horrible that he would never turn around and do it to me...and because his ex treated him as if he was unimportant, I made sure that I never did that and put him as number one in my life (BIG MISTAKE BY THE WAY!!!)

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HE is not being "childish" or "immature" like girls love to say when a man does something which displeases them .

HE is done with you and he sees no point in continuing the connection.

You would be better off accepting that too and learning from your mistakes.

 

in my opinion, he is childish and immature. he should be more caring towards her feelings even if he is done with her. he should be mature enough to have a talk with her. mature enough to understand that how hurt she is right now. this kind of behaviour could lead to sucidal act or mental breakdown, is not a joke. he should be mature enough to understand that a 20 years old girl is not strong emotionally, he could do this in a nicer way. my opinions.

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I will definitely check out that book...see, your ex knew he was hurting you and continued to do it...I always thought that because my ex had bad experiences with break ups and loved me enough not to hurt me like he was hurt that it would never happen to me...He used to complain about how his ex treated him like he was unimportant and when she left him he says it felt like the end of the world...So I put so much trust into him because I believed that since he went through something so horrible that he would never turn around and do it to me...and because his ex treated him as if he was unimportant, I made sure that I never did that and put him as number one in my life (BIG MISTAKE BY THE WAY!!!)

 

exactly. my ex/bf loved me so much during good times, i couldn't believe it when he wouldn't even answer my call !! what the heck ! but, i learn to accept it. i learn to accept that this is his short coming and adapt to it. Men are deceitful, they say one thing when they are happy, but not every one could live up to what they claim. that is why the statement, action speaks loudly.

 

sweetie, you are not alone, i will be here to support you.

 

if you read my thread there is a new development in my story just last evening.

 

how are you feeling right now?

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HE is not being "childish" or "immature" like girls love to say when a man does something which displeases them .

HE is done with you and he sees no point in continuing the connection.

You would be better off accepting that too and learning from your mistakes.

 

You are completely understanding me wrong...I think it is absolutely great that he has his priorities set, and I am very proud of him for being able to do that...But I am telling you, because of his past relationships and how hurt he was from them, I never imagined that he would turn around and do the same thing to me...

 

there is a way to break up with someone properly, and randomly over the phone after not seeing him for two months is not it...and then not to mention completely ignore me after...

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For the few days after he had called me I was crying non-stop...Yesterday I did not cry I was feeling a little better since I hung out with one of my friends...But if I am not crying all i am doing is holding back tears...

 

And the BIGGEST problem is that I am not allowed to date...So my parents do not know anything about any of this...And my family is very involved with one another and we are not distant at all...So I cry, wipe off my tears, put a little make up on (to cover up the I just finished crying look), and try to laugh and associate with my family...I always hear that if you act happy eventually you will become happy...It's just not working though...

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you poor thing, i worry for you, can't even cry openly...is not good. go pick up the book i mentioned, in borders, is not expensive, about $17 i think, it might help you. it helped me, i was going through hell too past few days. it not only helped me through the pain, it helped me with correctly my behaviour. i was/ am a loose canon without knowing it myself, meaning i pout easily, it stresses out my guy or anyone i would be with. huge mistake. big problem. other areas i am good. i need to change in order to have a good future. wow, this book flipped my thinking.

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thank you for talking me through this...I realize I should just let him go, even though it is going to be the hardest thing I that have ever done...

 

He was my teacher..and i really liked him, but I never pursued the relationship...he was the one to say he would rather do this with me then regret not doing it...So I always felt that since he wanted me that there was no need to doubt him...that he cared for me uncontrollably and always told me that he would never let me get hurt...Whats so sad, is that he turned out to be the one to hurt me the most...

 

Although, I never mentioned...he wanted us to be friends..but not friends in which you talk to constantly and hang out with...No, the type of friend that you call when you are in dire need of help..He said he would always be there for me..Which, I really CAN NOT believe, because just look at the way he has already started acting...

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