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How do I let go of him?


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Is there no chance of getting back together if the breakup has been more than 6 months. We were together for 3.5 years and been living together for a few months. The break up was a shock to me, he just came home one day and said he just didnt want to be with me anymore. I had alot of personal problems and relied on him for emotion support and he said it was too much for him to deal with especially when he was stressed in his own life.

 

I moved out, did the crazy ex thing, contacted him all the time, tell him constantly how he ruined my life... but he put up with all of it.

He did all the right things when we broke up, tried to answer every question i asked. It is a good guy i've lost. Im not saying he was perfect, he had his flaws.

 

I started focusing on myself and have regained my independence. Long way to go to sort myself out but im getting there. I stopped needing him and happier in myself but i feel completely empty without him.

 

He decided to move cities to start again and I even met him for a few drinks to say goodbye (even though i want him back, i have never said it to him). We talked and laughed about things and I knew he missed me. But at the end of the night he said its best we dont contact each other anymore because otherwise we wont find closure of our relationship. So thats that, have not heard from him, i did slip up and sent him a nasty message but got no reply. yes i realise it means he is getting on with his life.

 

Ive concentrated on myself, been out with friends, keep myself occupied but i have a physical pain in my chest when i think of him. its been months since the breakup and my life is completely different but stable. Why is it so difficult to let go of him? shouldn't i be over him by now? why do breakups leave people on the verge of a breakdown?

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Sorry to hear this. It sounds as if you depended quite heavily on your Ex. The attachment you still feel will exist all the time you hold onto him. You need to set your mind and heart free again by doing things that make you a happier, stronger and more confident being.

 

Once you have restored all of these a new you will be reborn and that day you will realise the split was meant to be to eventually make you a better person.

 

It's all down to you and making that progression over time. When you're there and have finally let go, your ex may possibly resurface.

 

Good luck and really prove to yourself what you are capable of.

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hi its been almost 6 months for me as well. we are still not together but it does not mean i still don't have hope. i have stopped contacting her. we started hanging out as friends a few months ago but i could tell she just wanst ready yet. so i stopped contacting her. i'm just trying to enjoy my spring, get outside as much as possible, drive my new car and try not to think about her. the way i feel it, it is her loss, she is missing out on driving in a brand new sports convertible with me, working out with me, playing tennis, rollerblading, just having fun. did i mention she is missing out??? lol. see thats how i try to get through my days. one day at a time

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I started focusing on myself and have regained my independence. Long way to go to sort myself out but im getting there. I stopped needing him and happier in myself but i feel completely empty without him.

 

 

I think you should look at the last sentence there (in bold). You say you don't need him but you're empty without him. If you're empty, you still feel like you need him. Emptiness implies need, right?

 

I don't think you are as healed as you think. I don't say this to be mean but because someone pointed it out to me too and made me think for a moment.

 

You need to totally get a full life away from your ex. I know it's hard. It is for me too and I'm in your shoes. But you must also see that your ex can never 'fill" your emptiness. Only you can.

 

Think of some things you enjoy doing and try them. Anything you want to get better at? Is there something you do NOW that you've always wanted to expand your knowledge of? For me, it's cooking and writing. I want to learn to cook new dishes from scratch. I also want to know how to write better stories and magazine articles...so I'm taking classes, practicing, reading up on hobbies.

 

What do you like to do? That will make you "full"...well, maybe not completely full, to be honest, but it might be a start. I do think we need people around us and faith in God helps me too. But living a balanced life does help, though not totally solve all our problems.

 

Hang in there!! hugs!!

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Thanks guys. I did heavily rely on him, he was my partner, best friend and family. Its a big gap to fill. I do try to keep myself occupied by going out with friends, going to the gym...but its the quiet times I really miss him like when i wake up and before i fall asleep.

 

I dont contact him anymore, i dont see the point because there is nothing i can say and do that will change his mind. I wish we could be friends in the future when im completely over him but i dont think he will ever contact me again. its a shame because he was a good person.

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