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your greatest issues/fears to now work on...?


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For me its in facing my fear of being alone...largely brought on by myself of course since 1/ I overinvested in my ex (common theme I know) and 2/i enjoy my solitude a lot too but have come to realize that I need to have more balance in that area too...so I am starting to continue to do what I like to do but now am seeking to do so with other people ...let's face it its via others that your network of new ideas leads suggestions derive too.

 

As well I'm trying to be more open to new activities with other people too.

 

Having a wider and stronger social network is one of my new goals (and fears of not achieving) I'm facing. Planning and attitude is key I'm finding too to keep me on track.

 

Related to this I guess I have to overcome a habit of putting io barriers.

 

I mean I'm affable enought... and always carry my business cards with me in case I come accross a good prospective friend or partner...just ''gots to have a thicker skin'' and get myself out there more often.

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Fear:

 

Being alone. Well not alone but well not having that someone special. And I also want to have that family and couple of children one day.

 

Issues to work on:

 

Getting to know myself better and trying to be happy. I dont think I've been truly happy for longer periods since my teens. Last relationship ended because she made me happy and I was miserable without her... and of course I wanted more and more of it everyday which finally drove her away. Looking back I dont think I loved her that much, of course I cared but it was more of an addiction than love. Im sorry.

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I'm

sorry buddy!

 

What can you do however to create more happiness for yourself instead of thinking it has to "come from" someone else?

 

Because IMO you put yourself into an ongoing vulnerable place by giving away your power thinking that way .

 

What can you do to both make you more happy and attractive to YOU as well as to someone else for instance.

 

I think of myself as an ongoing sales and marketing project....knowing who I am is ongoing ...my r&d (self development) etc. Looking at it this way helps me to see things more "logically" and therein forces me to make plans and develop a more "entrepreneurial attitude" towards my issues .

 

This is one of the reasons I'm trying to make new quality friends for both stimulation reassurance and not feeling so isolated (hence why I still come on here seeking sustenance too).

 

Just my two long winded cents.

 

Fear:

 

Being alone. Well not alone but well not having that someone special. And I also want to have that family and couple of children one day.

 

Issues to work on:

 

Getting to know myself better and trying to be happy. I dont think I've been truly happy for longer periods since my teens. Last relationship ended because she made me happy and I was miserable without her... and of course I wanted more and more of it everyday which finally drove her away. Looking back I dont think I loved her that much, of course I cared but it was more of an addiction than love. Im sorry.

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Yeah i see where you coming from but its easier said than done(no kidding..) There is nothing fundamentally wrong about my qualities as such. It is just that my mental side is not in shape and I need to think hard what I want to do and what gives me pleasure. Luckily the summer is coming which makes me happy for atleast few months and after that I hope I have finally figured myself out. Today I had great time just resting on the grass and letting sun shine on me and my books.

 

After the loss I have started to value my friends that truly care for me, family and health a lot more. I always took them for granted but it is not so... So I guess im on the right track atleast. I guess its on human nature that it is only after the loss that you start to value the things you have more. Im gratefull to my ex for this revelation.

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Good to hear how you are reframing your experiences ie looking for that silver lining..and having that valuable sense of gratitude too....congrats!...

 

Life will move on with us or without us.

 

Right now just like you I need to find continued meaning...continued new sources of joy...ongoing sources of love to help me with my healing and to not feel so alone on my journey... or at least to feel that this time of healing and renewal won't have some valuable lessons and growth for me to become a better more loving more fearless more resilient perso n

...

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My greatest issue is getting a full-time job that I really like. I'm afraid to go out there again. My trust in authority figures is low (I had a horrible boss that was beyond abusive at my last job). The thought of being bossed around and threatened churns my stomach. I had nightmares when I lost my job and ever since I've only been doing free-lance work, they have mostly stopped.

 

I'm scared that if I get a full time job that I dislike, I will feel very stressed and will go into a deep depression because my ex will not be there to spend time with on days off. My life will just consist of work and then coming home to lonliness. I really want to find a telecommute job, where I can work at home. Or go into business for myself. I've had some really nasty people tell me to "do as I say because I'm the dictator...or things will not go well for you." Seriously! Freaked me out!

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I guess my greatest fear is not so much being alone - although I've been in relationships for much of the past 10+ years, much of that time I was in LDRs so I'm very used to physically being alone in day-to-day living. Instead, I think I fear that I'll never meet anyone right for me, anyone who will actually stick around and not screw me over.

 

I think my greatest issues are twofold, and kind of an odd combination: I tend to both be overly guarded with new people and to be overly trusting with close friends and partners, taking people at their word when I shouldn't. As for the being overly guarded, I can trace it back to 2 things: 1) the fact that I have moved around so much in my adult life, so am accustomed to developing friendships and relationships quickly but not deeply, as we will part within a few months, and b) I've been hurt (especially betrayed or abandoned) too many times, by both friends and romantic partners, so I will only open up so far.

 

But at the same time, when I fall for someone, I fall full-force, head-over-heels, rose-colored-glasses, crazy in love and put more trust in faith in my partners, and their words, than I should upon later reflection. I also tend to put too much importance on the relationship - it becomes a central part of my life, and while I'll never change my career or my lifepath for the relationship, I end up devoting more emotional and time resources to it than I really should.

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Do You Need Reassurance? Stop It Li...
Do You Need Reassurance? Stop It Like This

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