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What's with the 3 months GBT's already?


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I see so many threads about people who get back together after 3 months or are starting to rekindle their relationship..

 

I have to be honest that even though i am happy for the ones experiencing this..I have to admit that when you havent heard from your ex in over 6 months or a year..it gets kind of depressing..

 

Sorry for being selfish right now..

 

Like..ok..so if this 3 month period is passed..chances of a GBT are waaaaay low.

 

My lord..where are the good stories of the people that "moved on" with their lives for over a year ....and suddenly the ex popped up from out of nowhere..

 

I feel like receiving my own kind of lift me ups right now..Keeps my own moving on process a bit more inspired or something.. For some reason i go around my business more calmly and positive when in the back of my mind i have that piece of hope or whatever it is lurking in there. How strange it may sound..my moving on process goes much better that way opposed to having to move on knowing that its all dead and you will never hear from the loved ex again..

 

Can anyone relate to that? Its strange i know..

 

 

arggghh.. so F'd up..

 

My bad days have turned into a bad week and i need some positive inspiration right now. Because i really have to get back on track again. It boggles me that after all the progress i think i have made..i still have a lot of difficulties dealing with the most possible fact that i will never hear from him again and i just fell for the wrong person..just like that..the wrong person.

 

Aaaaaarghhhhh...

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I've had periods ranging from 2 months to 6 years before I heard from my ex's again. They all want me back, sooner or later.

 

The good thing is, by the time they actually come around, you don't want them anymore - it's bittersweet justice.

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I've had periods ranging from 2 months to 6 years before I heard from my ex's again. They all want me back, sooner or later.

 

The good thing is, by the time they actually come around, you don't want them anymore - it's bittersweet justice.

yo Snooman, they wanted you back because you were a good guy right? because i just wanna know if my ex is ever gonna realize the mistake she made.

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One of my ex`s who i was with for 5 yrs, split up 6 yrs ago has asked me to meet her, at the time i would have jumped at it, but by the time she asked i had moved on. Even though at a strange point with my current exx would not go back to previous ex. Ohh ps by the way latest ex got back in touch at the 3 month point.

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broken34,

 

We sound like our situations are similiar. My ex ended the relationship 11/15. On 11/19 he said (in e-mail) that he loved me, but this isn't working now. I did all the things you should not do. I sent him an e-mail every few weeks that ranged from how much I loved him to pleading to being pissed off. I got nothing back from him. I wish I would have found this board during that time. On 3/11 I sent my final e-mail to him and have been NC since. 52 days of NC. Broken up 5 1/2 months. I have noticed that many do connect at 3 months, but I refuse to use that as an indication of my own relationship. It makes me feel better to keep hope as well. Not in a denial way, but a realistic possibility that things could still work out. My boyfriend and I had so much invested in each other on many levels and somehow, someway...I keep faith we will come back together. Some days are harder than others. NC was the BEST thing I did for myself and for this person that I love. It's one day at time right now. I have to say as much as this has been probably the most painful period in my life, it has been a life learning lesson for me. I know I will handle things differently from is point on, with or without him. Those things are all positive.

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i'm a week before my 1 year breakup anniversary so to speak...all the memories came gushing back..so thats why i dont feel that great right now..

 

it will pass..i know..it always does..

 

but i just cant stand it when all is so quiet on the ex-front. It is such an opposite from what i experienced when we were together. Maybe my denial phase has re-entered my life or something.

 

I have bought myself some new books..hopefully they will arrive soon. I need to put a stop to this once and for all.. So its back to my study table and read some. So i can gain some calmness and knowledge again.

 

But i still feel somewhat envious about the 3 monthers...even when i do know that now would not be the right time to hear from the ex again.

 

I want to get to that place when all is behind me and i am not even thinking about him anymore and just enjoying my life. That or a reconciliation..either seems good right now...only maybe in a while i would prefer the number 1 option more..

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I don't know all the circumstances of your break up, but after all this time...could it be right for you to test the waters and see where he is at? Maybe doing that will either rekindle something or help you get to the point of this being a memory and not a daily though.

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I have actually been discussing this with a dear friend of mine..

 

But i am not at my total confident self yet...I have some activities planned that i first need to go through and then see how i feel after.

 

Next to that..i am too afraid that if i am the one who contacts him again..i would possibly stimulate the possibility of him making a "head-choice" to rekindle instead of a "heart-choice"..Only if he does the latter we stand a lasting chance. I dont know..because sometimes i think..the head might turninto the heart. But i dont want to be put in the position again where i am the only one fighting for us and where i need to be perfect all the time.

 

We had broken up before and got back together because i chased him like hell. But i always felt that he was not totally in us anymore. I got insecure..he got more distant..and finally he decided that we could not be lovers anymore..because the 2nd chance 'he gave us"failed.

 

So if we got back together just because the negative is forgotten and he is fed up dating others...that still would not be right. So it feels like i cant do anything else but move on, because the ball is all in his hands.

 

But i dont like that.. I did everything i possibly could in the first 4 months after the break..but he did not want me back. he expressed that 3 times. After that i could not hold Nc for more than 3-4 weeks until November. And then i made it up to 2 months. Since January i am in Total NC and its has now been the longest time since we have not been in contact with each other (read: me not initiating anything). Since february he removed me from his MSN contactlist.

 

So it doesnt seem like he is about to contact me anytime soon..

 

It bothers me..Cant help that..

 

I can see that i am really avoiding him right now..because i am afraid of getting burned again. I wish i could get rid of that fear.. i would like to hear his voice again..

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Broken... I as well am moving on in my life and what does help me is even if there isn't any real chance that me and my ex will get back together. I am holding that piece of hope as a motivator to get my life back on track. It's kind of fooling myself into something that I know is a very slim chance, bt still a chance. This is life and it works in a very strange and mysterious way sometimes.

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i know exactly what you mean..

 

its like this..if i feel good in the process of keeping that little hope...the good feeling will lead me to interact with others more, go out more and do my thing..

 

Than time and reality of the ex wont matter as much because i am rational enough to know that when a good opportunity to start up something with a new loving guy hits..i will welcome that chance.

 

But thinking about a 'never' between me and my ex..somehow depresses me..and i have noticed that in the last few months all of that negative thinking..caused me to not really get ahead very far. Yes i have progressed... a lot..but i am not all there yet.

 

Somehow i still feel that we could make this work...but i cant do it by myself and this is why i actually need some gesture that he is willing to sacrifice the same. Him contacting me..knowing what he said to me..knowing how he behaved at times..would be a quite a hurdle. So if he overcame that..i just know that it will show some kind of "opening up to me"..no matter if it is just for friendship.

 

I miss him..could be due to the 'anniversary' coming up...dont know. But maybe in time when i am ready i will contact him. But i will only do that if i am REALLY ready to never ever hear from him again..because it would be the last ever action i will take. And I am not ready for that final move yet..

It feels like he controls my happiness right now..and he most certainly does not. I am in control of my life..so i will take action at some point this year, but i am not ready yet.

 

But it still sucks that he does not do any of the iniating. I absolutely HATE that. Its not just fear if i am honest that is blocking me..its pride too..

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broken34,

I hope you don't have any regrets about waiting until the 4th mth to fight etc. I think that ultimately (as long as people act respectfully and don't look like a desperate lunatic) a phone call or an email here or there to the ex, if you really want to know how they are doing, won't keep away someone who genuinely wants to be with you.

 

you asked for encouraging stories in your first post. when my boyfriend of 4 yrs dumped me, i collapsed for a bit and went silent, but then I wrote a long goodbye letter, bought him an expensive gift, helped him move his stuff out, all while he was dating other women, begged and pleaded, had causual sex with him, would go to places where we used to hang out and hope to meet up with him, tried to be his friend, listened to him talk about dates with other women etc etc etc. I think I all these ridiculous things for many many months, and then eventually decided to date other people and move on. The point is that I did everything that this forum cautions against and more. 3 years later, despite all the icky behaviour, he still came back (I wasn't interested anymore so we didn't get back together).

 

he came back not because i was the model of self-respect and strength, maintaining composure and dignity in NC. i was a mess. he came back because of the strength of the relationship we had before the break up, and because every other relationship he had in the 3 years since we broke up, had disappointed him and he decided that he ultimately had it perfect and ruined it because he had GIGS.

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no...it might not have been the most effective move...but i wasnt calling him every day begging etc..i took it upon me to contact him every 3-4 weeks and even went so far as booking a trip to a big muscle car meet in Sweden to see him. It was the most hurtful period ever though..

 

Every time we saw each other has been great.. even though i noticed him distancing more..i could still feel that he really enjoyed seeing me.. but the prospects of new women just appealed to him more...

 

I dont regret the fighting for him at all...i know i have really done all i could ever do. I am glad i showed even to myself that i am a woman who is full of love. It is sad for him really that he could not appreciate that. Because the best gift you can ask yourself is someone who loves you unconditionally...

 

But something happened yesterday..

i saw a show on tv last night.. this guy had to choose between picking a woman he started to have feelings for or choose a million bucks. he finally decided to choose her, because the thought of never ever seeing her again, made the million dollars look small..

Yes, the thought of never seeing her again..never..

 

i was like..damn..you see..that is the same thing i would have done! I would be (so stupid i guess) to truly give up a chance to a million bucks if it meant me having found my soulmate..

 

So if the thought of losing a person...no..losing me does not mean much in his world, than i will just have to own up to the fact that my feelings and desires for him are truly wasted and i deserve someone better. He is just not into me..to put it lightly.

 

Seeing that moment on tv was a God sent for me..because i finally realized that it is just not worth going through all the pain. If he is not bothered at all, than why should i. So i am going to just ride this wave of emotions out and say my final goodbye.

 

No..that little hope is still in there. How could it not. But i am going to trust that it will fade more now..because i am worth more than being kept in this darkness of not knowing what goes on in his heart. If he cant see what i saw when we were in the rels, than he just has some growing up to do. I cant love a man who is breaking my heart within the silence each day..

 

But I forgive him...not for him..but for myself..i need to let him go..

 

Its time now..

 

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts with me..i will keep you posted on how things progress. Because someday ..i am going to post my own succes story on here. I really am!

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I hate to be cynical, but what could have changed in three months? I wouldn't want to place a bet on a reconcilation that had taken place such a short time after a break up. I'm guessing that these are the type of relationships that are prone to ultimately fail again.

 

I think there needs to be real time and space for people to work on themselves, take stock of what happened and why the relationship failed and take steps to ensure if they do get back with their ex that they try and prevent these issues arising again. Also they need to appreciate what they've lost.

 

I've gone through scores of threads on here and it seems a reconciliation is more likely to be long lasting if there is a substantial amount of complete NC (as well as working on those issues). At least six months and preferably a year or more.

 

From what I've read, I personally wouldn't want to get back with my ex for at least 2 years. I want to rebuild my life and be in the frame of mind of not caring if I approach him for a date after this time and he says no or he is with someone else. I want to be the woman he met six years ago - only better! And more importantly, I want to to it for ME not him.

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I think it's true that a lot of negative actions post break up fade from the dumper's memory with the passage of time and they look at the relationship as it was, good or bad.

 

I think dumpees sometimes worry too much about their conduct in the aftermath of a break up and think the dumper will hold this against them. I think this is rarely the case after a lot of time has elapsed.

 

I think that, if the relationship was generally a good one, bad behavior in the aftermath of a relationship can, at worse, make the prospect of a reconciliation take longer. I don't think that it affects the chances to the degree that some people think it does - unless it is sustained and prolonged.

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The posts on this thread are very helpful to me and are an example of why this board is so theraputic to me and reminds me I am normal and I am not alone. It also gives me hope. Hope that the relationship I want has a chance to come back to me and hope that if it doesn't.....the pain from this will fade and make me a stronger person.

 

What is GIGS?

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