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Been with someone radically more/less attractive than yourself?


BusyNAbroad

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Just out of curiosity: have you ever been in a long term relationship with a person who was radically more or less attractive than yourself?

 

Or, do you know any couples in which the partners were radically different from each other in terms of perceived attractiveness?

 

I always notice these trends and something tells me that the answer is probably "no".... or "rarely".

 

EDIT: Please note that when I am talking about attractiveness here, I mean more the generally perceived social standards of physical attractiveness, rather than the subjective views of the individual partners. This is not a question about self-esteem or "out of league", but simply... trends.

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i will be completely honest. yes i went out with a guy who everyone thought i was "too good" for. part of it were his looks, but not really his features. they were fine. but the way he dressed, and the lifestyle he had, the way he was.....it was dumb of me to date him.

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What does that even mean, far more or less attractive than yourself ?...I do not consider anyone to be too attractive, what someone thinks is attractive, the other does not. I do not ever think, oh she is too attractive; its the same baloney as someone being out of your league, just no such thing. I like what I like, if someone does the same to me all that matters is that very fact.

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hmmnnn.. I don't think I could ever be in a relationship where I felt like that... so no.

 

I wouldn't date someone if I didn't find him attractive!

 

I think it's dangerous to do these comparing games...reeks of self-esteem issues.

 

I did date a guy who started to say things like, "Why would you want to date someone like me?" or "I'm surprised you would want to go out with me"

 

and it ended up leading towards the destruction of the relationship; his low self-esteem ruined it. Funny thing was he was the most connected I have ever been to ANYONE sexually, emotionally... EVERYTHING!

 

Very sad that it didn't work out.

 

but in the end the relationship ended because he kept thinking I didn't want him.

 

Note: I did not THINK I was way more attractive than him at all... I am not...but he kept saying so..

 

No matter what I did to convince him otherwise ( and he was good looking) he just kept saying he had no self-worth.

 

Very sad.

 

Ok, this has gone off on a tangent, but the lesson is.. don't EVER think someone is better looking than you are, because it will just cause the relationship to crumble.

 

People don't date people they think are ugly or unattractive.

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don't EVER think someone is better looking than you are, because it will just cause the relationship to crumble.

 

People don't date people they think are ugly or unattractive.

 

This is indeed a bit off topic from my original question, but these two statements lead me to ask: are you saying we have to force ourselves to think that nobody is neither more nor less attractive than us?

 

And doesn't your attachment of attractiveness to self-esteem somewhat go against the idea that "attractiveness is not the only ingredient of a successful relationship"?

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I have gone on dates with people who my friends told me "don't date below yourself" or something because they weren't considered physically attractive. He was pretty overweight, a huge nerd, and had muttonchops (sp?) but I thought he was cute in a teddy bear way.

 

It didn't end up working out though because we kept arguing about math >

 

I find so many different types of people attractive so I would find it very difficult to say who is above or below me.

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Yes I've gone out with both ends and neither worked out. I'd like someone mutually attractive next time, if there ever is a next time.

 

 

PS-I saw your pics. You're too much of a cutie for there to not be a next time.

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It's ultimately a person's insides which determine their attractiveness (at least for me) so yes I have dated those wildly less attractive than myself (think caustic, nasty, negative). Most of them were quite handsome on the outside but it was only skin deep. Never again, it even made me prejudiced against conventionally good-looking men for a while. Now I am very happy to say that the outsides are just desserts if the man is kind.

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My ex is ridiculously attractive (I have no idea how he ended up falling for me, in all honesty). Although I'm over him, I'm still willing to admit...the boy is hot. It caused some issues for me mainly due to my own insecurities about his past unfaithfulness (which turned out to be warranted, he cheated). Girls would come up to him and blatantly hit on him when I was standing right next to him It drove me up the wall, since I could only imagine what it was like when I wasn't around.

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People thought I was more attractive than my ex. My mother thought so, my best friend thought so (she only told me this when I was on the way to breaking up with him), I am sure my brother and step-cousin thought so. Meh, well it never mattered to me when times were good. When I stopped feeling attracted to him it was when his personality had stopped being loveable in my eyes and he became patronising and too dependant, I don't think I was ever that physically attracted to him.

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I've seen this happen a lot with models. Seen a lot of current and former models date and marry men who are a lot less attractive than they are.

 

But I think ultimately it doesn't matter what other people think, it matters what the person in the relationship thinks.

 

I would find it really rude if someone (especially friends and family) came up to me and said something like "you are so much better looking than you bf." I would hope that they would have a little more tact. Although my mother did say that to me once about an ex after we had broken up. So I wasn't as offended and it happened that in that relationship, I was not that attracted to him.

 

Bottom line--if both people are attracted to each other, nothing else matters.

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Bottom line--if both people are attracted to each other, nothing else matters.

 

Some people prefer to check deeper, into corners the emotional eye is blind to.

 

The reason I asked this question (and similar questions) is because I very often hear things such as "[physical] beauty is not everything" or "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" - great things! - but in practice I mostly see couples that are quite similar in attractiveness (taking into consideration the generally accepted social standards of physical beauty). I rarely see disproportionate people (obesity, underweight, etc.) with proportionate partners. I very rarely see fashionable people with unfashionable partners.

[except when there are other factors in the game, such as money]

 

The contrast between what people say and how they actually behave often makes me re-evaluate my beliefs and trust in people/society...

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