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How many days of NC does it take before the dumper realises the dumpee is serious about moving on


leixling

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Hay

 

For those of us who have gone into NC, did you chase your ex for a while first/do LC and then finally give up and go NC?

 

If so, do you think when you tell them goodbye and that you're moving on and going NC, they actually believe you? Or do you think they think "he/she said that last time but gave in, they'll be back in a few weeks."

How long do you think it takes for them to realise you're actually not coming back this time?

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I chased my ex or rather he wasn't sure of his decision for about 3 months. I haven't seen him for one month and NC for 20 days.

 

I think they realize it quite fast because before we did all kinds of things to get in touch with them and now we are 100% passive. About a month of NC would suffice for them to realize that you are not coming back crawling anymore. I think it takes at least another month for them to process this and realize that it is all over and they are on their own as they wished to be.

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Yea i chased for the first month on an off, slowing down as the weeks went by. Been NC since, dont plan on contacting her for a long while, though i hope she will at some point to get back. However i do not think this will happen, i know she loves me and misses me, but doesnt think were right for each other, we wernt working, and we both had lot of issues to work on indivdually. I think she will enjoy her new found freedom, and social lifestyle. Missing isnt always enough, specially when they feel it was for the best,

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It's a horrible sensation - thinking that you'll never hear from her again.

 

All I know is that she hasn't removed me from her MSN..oddly..And as such I believe she's of the mindset that I'll still come crawling back..

 

One week of NC now. Boy it's tough..but I'm going to get there. I'm going to find a reason to be proud of myself again..

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It has been 20 days NC for me and it seems to me I am setting myself back by hoping he will come back. I keep checking what he is doing and I am upset when I see he went on myspace because I know what he is doing there (trying to find girls). In addition, I see him on the messenger every day. Every time I am disappointed when he does something. I should just stop and let go. I guess it is not easy after just 1 month but I see some people on this forum have done it.

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I chased for a couple weeks then did almost (but not quite) complete NC. I think you should have the mindset of going at least 90 days total NC. They'll start to miss you if you disappear for that long, and that's also enough time for you to really start healing.

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tujna i think you should delete him off myspace/erase his URL/block it or whatever, and BLOCK AND DELETE HIS MSN!

Trust me doing these things really really helps!

I would go on my ex's Facebook everyday and everytime I was just hurting myself. I deleted him off my list and since we both have "friends only" accounts I can't see what he's up to and vice versa. I don't even look him up in Search. Also deleting their msn is a huge help because then you don't get a pang everytime you see them online, try to interpret their personal messages/screen names, see them happily listening to music or having a new display pic from a night out etc. Also you don't obsess over where they are when they're not online.

It's not permanent, if you really want to in future you can re-add them. It really helps to remove their online existence.

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yea i blocked my exes AIM SN, though sometimes i get curious and unblock it, not often. Seeing her name, or an away message can really make it hard, easier when you dont see there name by Choice.

 

The dumper probably notices as said few months, or if you chased for awhile, and then stopped, they either think its a game, or your serious. I guess as more time passes they realize it serious.

 

However i dont think it really sets in for awhile, specially if the dumper is enjoying there new found freedom, or being independent, new social circle, busy, doing the things they felt they couldnt. They might miss ya, and feel more of a loss, but most likely not enough to take you back. If they feel it was right for both parties, those feelings dont do much. Then again they say if there was really something there, meant to be, and both work on yourselves and problem areas it could work again.

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nah it think it just helps if you block them because it shows you're serious about NC. I blocked my ex because I told him I was going NC and moving on to try and escape from this mess, and I thought if I was online all the time he'd think "ha she wants me to talk to her." (my ex is extremely egotistical)

I think it also shows that you refuse to no longer remain "easy" for them. With you "around" even if it's just online they are under a slight impression that you are still there, after all they can IM whenever they want and your presence is still around

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Id also like to mention, this theory on when they feel your moving on. I am starting to believe in this when you really are moving on not wanting them back, they somehow sense it, so not so much on time, but when you really are?

 

You always notice when they come back, its normally when you have moved on, or they text or call you when your feeling super great about your life, and not obsessing on them. Its almost like they sense it, even when your not present, like you flow energy.

 

Just a thought of theory, but its funny how things work out, so maybe they know your moving on when you actually have. Also think about this, when your thinking about them, maybe sometimes its because they are thinking of you in that moment? not always but food for thought...

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I know exactly waht you mean because the other day I was thinking about a really good friend who I'd lost touch with a year ago, and later on that night she wrote to me on facebook- we haven't been in touch for like a year and I was so surprised! But it seems like that always happens! If its true for our exes I think it must be those moments where you're completely happy and content with the break up, then for no reason at all feelings of intense hurt and longing and the ex pop into your head and stay there for a while. It makes you think maybe it's based on some sort of spiritual energy hahaha. But I've heard so many stories about exes coming back when the dumpee has finally moved on..maybe it is just all a huge coincidence, Idk. It is odd though

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Then again you would hate to think when your feeling all low and hurt on there part are happy and content..a romantic tragedy, one is happy while the other is not. On the flip side maybe that is extra incentive to move on and be happy, switch roles, if not still a win win

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I know what you mean..it's crappy thinking that although they may miss you they are "done" with you..I know this is certainly the case for my ex and I'm 100% sure that he is never coming back because he said I don't give him an emotional spark and things weren't going anywhere, he couldn't ever see himself falling for me etc. I just can't stand the fact that if he ever does remember me, he'll just think "she's probably still pining after me, she'll try talk to me again soon." I wish there was some way I could regain my dignity, NC seems to be the best option for this, alongside healing time.

I really hope that for you it's different and that your ex will miss you enough to want you back in a few months time. Not being right for each other isn't that bad of a reason to spilt I don't think..even if you're not right for each other you can still be in love and if she broke up with you knowing she loved you,. If there's love then there's always a way

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I don't know what my ex is thinking. I believe he may partially be thinking that I'll come back with begging and pleading again, because I never could really make up my mind; on the flip side, however, I think he may know that I'm serious about this NC business, and not wanting to speak to him again unless he was willing to try at things again.

 

But in all honesty, even if he were to come back wanting another chance, I'm not very positive that I could do it at this point.

 

It has been 17 (or 18?) days of NC. It would have been 32-ish, had it not been for the email that broke it.

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I don't know what my ex is thinking. I believe he may partially be thinking that I'll come back with begging and pleading again, because I never could really make up my mind; on the flip side, however, I think he may know that I'm serious about this NC business, and not wanting to speak to him again unless he was willing to try at things again.

 

But in all honesty, even if he were to come back wanting another chance, I'm not very positive that I could do it at this point.

 

It has been 17 (or 18?) days of NC. It would have been 32-ish, had it not been for the email that broke it.

 

I know! Even if my ex ever wanted to give us another go (he wouldn't) I couldn't. I would want to because I still love him, but how are you supposed to trust them again after they left you? I couldn't live with the constant insecurity..someone told me that things wouldn't be the same and I'd notice straight away..I think the main hope is for the ex to come back wanting us, but for some people (me included) it'd just be for the satisfaction of being able to turn them down and make them see how it feels. I love my ex boyfriend but I can see him for what he really is and for that reason I don't think I could ever go back.

Personally I it's usually around 2 months of NC when it begins to dawn on them that you were serious about moving on.

But I think the dumpee's window of opportunity for reconciliation does close often sooner than most dumpers choose to return. Too little too late

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"You always notice when they come back, its normally when you have moved on, or they text or call you when your feeling super great about your life, and not obsessing on them. Its almost like they sense it, even when your not present, like you flow energy. "

 

Normally I'm completely skeptical about stuff like this, but it happens so often it's uncanny. May be something to it!

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"You always notice when they come back, its normally when you have moved on, or they text or call you when your feeling super great about your life, and not obsessing on them. Its almost like they sense it, even when your not present, like you flow energy. "

 

Normally I'm completely skeptical about stuff like this, but it happens so often it's uncanny. May be something to it!

 

There is some truth to this. I start feeling really good about things, finally reach the point of letting go and moving on....he always calls!!!

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In most cases doing the following for starters generally helps you get over your exs pretty fast....be committed to move on thats the key.

 

change your cell number.

delete all memories...jpegs,videos, take away all the gifts and store it somewhere you are least bothered to go again...

Block him off all your ims,mails,facebooks etc...

Don't hang out where you normally would together...

infact go find new places to hang out with your friends..

...

 

I wonder how it was in the old days when there was no internet, no ims, no facebooks...

 

damn need to see the new startrek...

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Yes, definitely, I am going off of the messenger for sure. I already deleted him from facebook, I just sometimes look at his friends but have made mine invisible, so he cannot see them. By being on the messenger, he can see that I am still here, online and this gives him the solace to feel my presence. I have to definitely stop this. So, so be it, no more messengers.

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