Why do guys suddenly seem to lose interest in a relationship?

[Zee_]

Why, especially in long term relationships, do guys suddenly seem to lose interest in their girl? This has happened to me on several occasions, and I think its starting to happen with my current relationship. About a month ago, he suddenly stopped being the one to call, ask me to hang out, or initiate sex. His behavior changed so suddenly and drastically, and I'm not sure how it happened.

 

He has told me he is unhappy with his job, and is suddenly obsessed with about 5 different hobbies, and seems completely uninterested in any aspect of the relationship anymore. I've thought about making him be the one to call me, initiate sex, put effort into things etc, but if it really DOES have to do with unhappiness at work, is that still a good idea? Or if he is pushing away, should I back away no matter what the reason?

 

In general, what are some of the things that might be causing this? How do I go about fixing it?

[DN]

Heve you ever lost interest in a guy you were dating? - if so, the reasons were probably much the same.

[annie24]

maybe get involved with some of your own activities, hobbies yourself. if he keeps retreating, then you know what you have to do.

[AJEDrew7]

There is no fixing it. People just don't care when it comes to long term relationships. They get bored. They make excuses about things and just don't make the effort. There's no changing how he feels, he's just not worth your time. Sometimes, they just feel you aren't compatible. Sometimes, they don't do long term relationships. There are people out there that want to try and put all their heart into their relationship no matter what else is going on in their life. I'm sure there's someone out there like this for you.

[Zee_]

The only times I've ever started losing interested is when they start showing signs they're losing interest as me.

[Zeitgeist]

"The Passion Trap" is a book that you need to read.

[Zee_]

Is this something I should talk to him about, or just back off and see what happens, then make my decision? If it is something I should talk to him about, what's a good way to go about doing it?

[annie24]

i think when you are the one initiating all the phone calls, dates, etc..... that is not a good sign. i would personally hang back and see if he picks up the slack or not.

[Zee_]

I googled it, and it sounds really helpful, and I probably WILL read it. But to get to the bottom of it, how DOES one 'cure' the 'passion trap'?

[Zeitgeist]

I googled it, and it sounds really helpful, and I probably WILL read it. But to get to the bottom of it, how DOES one 'cure' the 'passion trap'?

By walking in the other direction. You have to stop chasing. You have to move on with your life as if you could care less whether or not he was in it. Yes, it's paradoxical. But that's why relationships are so complicated. If it was rational, no one would be unhappy.

[Umlunguusa]

You know, if it was THAT drastic, he could have BPD...a rather strange disorder tha makes him do things like that. I suggest you read more into it: (though this article is geared more towards men, as women are more than 3X likely to have it than men)

 

link removed

[Zee_]

I looked it up and I REALLLY don't think he has borderline personality disorder...

[annie24]

i don't think it's BPD. at least, i don't know this guy, and BPD is a genuine medical condition. i think that the simplest explanation is likely the truth - that he's lost interest either because he's just not that into you anymore, he met someone new he is interested in, etc.....