Is he just not that into me?

[alr85]

I'm so frustrated and confused. First of all, I'm 23 years old and never had a real boyfriend. I'm a pretty normal person I would say going by society's standards, I've just had a lot of personal issues to deal with that have prevented me from dating... So, honestly I feel like a 15 year old that's completely confused.

 

I met someone on a dating website that I really like. He has a lot of his own issues but he's a genuinely good person so I can overlook them. He was laid off and is between jobs right now and is in a nasty custody battle for his son which has put him into depression several times.

 

I just want to know if he's into me. I think I jumped the gun and expected too much too fast and was calling or texting at least once a day after only 2 or 3 dates. He respected me enough to tell me that he wanted to move very slowly and start out as friends but I read that as a rejection and was preparing to just be friends but THEN:

 

He sings songs to me about love. He tells me that I'm so special to him. He is constantly finding reasons to touch me. He kisses my hand. He kisses me on the forehead. He told me that he wants me to just show up at his house. We hug for a really long time when the night's over. He makes sexual references involving me. He dropped me off at my door and told me I'm an A in his book and that I'm a wonderful friend/date... WHAT DOES THAT MEAN!? He told me that he doesn't introduce women to his son and when he meets someone special, they'll be able to meet him. (I kinda interpreted that as me not being that special someone) but then later in the evening he said "When you meet my son..." I'm sort of ignorant when it comes to men so I just assumed we were dating.. I didn't know it was such a lengthy process to decide you're dating. We used to kiss but I feel like since I got "all crazy clingy" and he had to pull me back we've gone back to the pre-dating motions again.

 

How would you interpret this?

[annie24]

sounds like he likes you a lot. i think he's holding off on you meeting his son until you've been dating longer, but it sounds like he really likes you a lot. otherwise, he wouldn't have even brought up his son.

[Scorpion Fury]

Sounds like he's feelin you. How long ago did you meet him? And what kind of issues does he have?

[alr85]

We met at the end of March. I know it's still early on but when I like somebody, I like to spend time with them. I'm a teacher so if I don't make plans I'm in bed pretty early but when he wants to hang out he calls me at about 8:00 and I have to scramble to get ready. I don't know. I hate only being able to see him if HE decides he wants to but I really like spending time with him.

 

Because he was laid off and is in a custody battle for his son, he finds himself dealing with it by drinking often.. several nights a week. It's not a severe issue because I don't think it's his typical lifestyle but sometimes he is pretty drunk when he calls me. I'm usually so good at reading people but I lose perspective when I'm with him.

 

Thanks for listening

[Batya33]

When I was first dating someone I avoided accepting last minute plans unless there was a VERY good reason for it (as in, he got tickets last minute to an awesome concert or similar event). I also would be very concerned if I were you about a man who has a drinking problem -- especially since he is a father of a young child. Sounds like something you don't need to be involved with particularly if this is your first potentially serious relationship.

 

He sounds like he is interested in dating you but not in putting in the effort to court you - to make plans in advance, to see you as someone with serious potential. I would watch his actions more than his words but pay close attention to his words that he sees you as a friend/date -- this could change but right now he sees you as someone to casually date and romance but not with serious intentions.