Jump to content

If someone loves you...


Anusha

Recommended Posts

Most people who love each other want to have contact of some kind every day, even if it's just a quick checking in together to see how the other person is doing.

 

Only hearing from someone once every two weeks is barely even casual dating, or maybe friends who aren't even that close.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Carol you need to let this go. I know that you are hurting...we are all either in the same place as you or have been there. This is not healthy and this guy is going to continue hurting you. The sooner you accept this and walk away the better you are going to be. This is so unhealthy for you and you are never going to heal if you don't start realizing this. I know it's not easy and it's one day at a time. If you continue to keep doing this one day you're going to look back and realize just how much time you wasted on a man who just wasn't worth it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I will let go of him,I was just wondering about his behaviour.I know every person has a unique way to love but is just his idea of what love is just seems so diferent from the majority of people.Sometimes I wonder if is just me who thinks like that so I ask other people about it to know that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say i don't think he loved you, or he would have behaved differently. Some people genuinely don't know how to love someone else and never will because they are too self centered or narcissistic or sociopathic.

 

And they'll frequently go thru the motions and say the right things for a while to get the things they want, like sex or someone who caters to them. But in the end they just take what they want, and give back very little.

 

I asked one guy i knew who was a cheater who was getting married if he loved the woman he was marrying, and his response was, 'as much as i love anybody i guess.' and sure enough, he was cheating on her within a year of the wedding and the marriage broke up. he just didn't really love anybody in the true sense, and he knew it, though women in his life learned the hard way that him saying he loved them didn't mean anything at all really.

 

Some people just are too selfish to make a good relationship, and others don't know how to love due to problems like narcissism or sociopathy. And if they're adults, it is too late for them to 'learn' how to love, so it's a lost cause trying to make them.

 

Just recognze that for whatever reason, his behavior showed very clearly he doesn't love you, and that he was using you for a little free sex chat now and again, but that was all you were getting from him, so no point to that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Carol, you have asked so many times about this and you are always getting the same answer from everyone: he is just not that into you, the relationship has ceased a long time, you have to let him go.

 

Revisiting those same questions again and again is not beneficial for your healing process.

 

I thought you were ready to move on.

 

Why is it so hard for you to accept that the relationship is over? His motivations and his behavior shouldn't play a role for you anymore.

 

The motivation why you cannot seem forward from these questions is a much more important one to figure out.

 

In another one of your thread you asked what it says about you that you can't move on and let this go.

 

If you truly want to find the answer, regardless of how tough it might be, you will be a huge step towards healing. It is a courageous question. But in the end, you will have to be the one to find the answer to this within yourself.

 

We can make guesses as to why people in general have issues with moving on, but you have to find out what the particular reason is for you within yourself

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think he was self centered,at least that is how his mother described him once.He just act about people like if he isnt much bothered,like if he can take or leave.I dont think he does that because he was a mean person,he had a lot of hurt on his past so I think that the way he found to protect himself.But it doesnt fell good to the person that loves him.It just makes you fell like if he doesnt care,at least that is how I used to fell.

 

I see your point penelope but I just cant stop wondering about things.Im not trying to get him back or chasing after him or anything,but I just keep thinking about his motivations and behaviours.I see that I need to find out why I cant just forget about it and let it go.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I just want to understand it,I spent the last 3 or 4 years of my relationship wondering if he really loved me because he would say he did but act like if he didnt(acording to my conception of how a person that loves should act).So now I just want to finally get a answer.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I just want to understand it,I spent the last 3 or 4 years of my relationship wondering if he really loved me because he would say he did but act like if he didnt(acording to my conception of how a person that loves should act).So now I just want to finally get a answer.

 

He doesn't love you in any way that you recognize as love. Is that close enough? I am not being mean, I went through exactly the same thing.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Some people are really cowards and say "I love you" even if they don't mean it, since words are cheap. It seems you got stuck with the words and didn't look enough at his actions, although you complaint about them.

 

It was easier for him to say those words and still get from you what he wanted, since you never required actions on his part, since there were never consequences for his lack of actions.

 

IMO, he was a real **** and simply used you. All he had to do to keep you around was say those few words.

 

 

 

The understanding that you are seeking CANNOT come from understanding him, but understanding yourself why you have been so willing to put up with this for so long.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Some people are really cowards and say "I love you" even if they don't mean it, since words are cheap. It seems you got stuck with the words and didn't look enough at his actions, although you complaint about them.

 

It was easier for him to say those words and still get from you what he wanted, since you never required actions on his part, since there were never consequences for his lack of actions.

 

IMO, he was a real **** and simply used you. All he had to do to keep you around was say those few words.

 

 

 

The understanding that you are seeking CANNOT come from understanding him, but understanding yourself why you have been so willing to put up with this for so long.

 

I think it was because I wanted to be loved so I would just stick around hoping he would change.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

He doesn't love you in any way that you recognize as love. Is that close enough? I am not being mean, I went through exactly the same thing.

 

I see your point,I think on the end it comes to the same.Even if he did love me it was on a way that I didnt see as love so it didnt make me fell loved.So he loving me on his way or not loving me the result was the same,I didnt fell loved.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think it was because I wanted to be loved so I would just stick around hoping he would change.

 

You cannot change someone, if they don't want to change themselves. I hope you have learned this lesson, even if it is bitter. You also cannot make someone else love you by lowering your boundaries, this is not conducive to demand respect.

 

It might only sound easier to stick around and try to change someone, rather than go out and find someone new.

 

Trying to find someone to have a healthy relationship with is a tough undertaking. You have to be willing to open yourself to someone and then have the guts to move on from them, if they are not the type of person you are looking for.

 

How can you expect anyone to change, if you yourself are unwilling to change/ grow personally (sorry to be so direct, no offense meant, but sugarcoating is not going to help you at this point)?

 

Nobody is going to respect you, if you do not respect yourself. This includes admitting if something/ someone is a lost cause.

 

You have wasted already so much time on this guy, don't you think you should invest this time in healing and trying to find someone better?

 

You want to be loved? Start with loving yourself, i.e. know what you want in a partner and do not compromise on your deal breakers

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I see your point,I think on the end it comes to the same.Even if he did love me it was on a way that I didnt see as love so it didnt make me fell loved.So he loving me on his way or not loving me the result was the same,I didnt fell loved.

 

Exactly. Now you can be free to love another.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...