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Nc- the no contact?


alcide

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How helpful is nc, is it better to have no contact with someone who hurt you, how do you feel during that time, does it help you to forget the person or makes you more miserable?

 

What is the use of nc, is it to get the person back or make them question their mistake or to easily get over them?

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My ex wanted to stay friends and was in constant contact with me but that just prolonged my agony as I wanted him back. It depends how strong you are. Do you really want to hang around "as friends" to see your ex find someone else?

 

As for the point of NC, as dhjjessel said, it can do both. NC gives you both time to reflect on your future and on your relationship. It will also become apparent at this time as to whether or not she misses you and how much. However, as has been said before, NC is not a guarantee to getting your ex back but it can improve your chances.

 

Go NC, but keep an open mind as to whether or not it will work. Look forward to a future without your ex as well as reflect on perhaps where it may have gone wrong and learn from the experience.

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What NC is for me is basically not initiating contact with my ex. She still contacts me from time to time. Sometimes I respond sometimes I don't. I think it has been about 2 months now I don't remember the last time she contacted me and I don't care.

 

I still think about her but it is only when I am unsure of how my dating life is going. It will make you miserable if you are not willing to let go and accept that you are not apart of there lives anymore. You will not forget them and even think about them from time to time. But as you move further into NC you will not have the urge and soon not need to contact them. It is hard in its initial stages but gets easier and easier. I don't think I will truly totally be healed until I find someone else to love.

 

So yes you will be miserable for a while but forgetting them entirely will never happen. It allows you to live your life without them. It also allows you to realize many things. Some things that I realized were. I knew we weren't right for each other long before the breakup. I can live and be happy on my own. There are many great people in this world and it is only a matter of time before I fall in love again. The key is to find and do the things that make you happy and enjoy your freedom for a while.

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I read a lot here on NC (there's some great posts and "guides") after my ex and I just ended our relationship last week. I initially went NC with him because he actually broke it off with me and I did not want to try to convince him otherwise and chase after him. I sent an email and afterwards stated I really have nothing else to say, and that I respect his decision. And I do. How does it feel when you make a decision and someone keeps trying to convince you that it is the wrong decision to make- gets a bit insulting and disrespectful. I also went NC because I wanted him to sense what it is like without me in his life. Selfish, I know, and a bit egotistical but I am gentle enough with myself to understand that those feelings and wants are part of breaking up with someone.

 

What I am realizing more and more, even in just these few short days, that NC is more helpful to ME than anything. It has given me time to think: do I really want him back if he wanted to reconcile? I am full of so much confusion, that NC is really the best right now for ME.

 

I guess bottom line is that there are several reasons to decide to go NC. Your ex may or may not miss you or want to reconcile- who knows what wilol happen. but you can either sit around and wait for it, or take the time to enrich your life and learn more about what YOU want and don't want and what YOU can learn about yourself. You may come to find that you are more at peace with the break up than you thought.

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I havent signed-on to myspace since the breakup. It's been a full month of NC.

 

I did tell him NEVER to contact me again, so....

 

 

Anyways, I havent signed-on to myspace because I know I will have to:

 

 

A) delete him

 

and

 

B) block him

 

 

Im thinking about signing-on to myspace this Wednesday to acomplish those 2 tasks. Then I can use myspace to search for OTHER people, instead of having my ex think im "stalking" his "friends-only" myspace page.

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I think you need time apart from someone else when you've split with them in order to process the grief. You just can't do that effectively if you're in contact with them. That said, it normally takes a while to get the hang of it (a comPLETE, immediate split with 100% NC would be very impressive but is rare).

 

How does it feel? It hurts like hell; there's a huge temptation to get your "fix" (love is an addiction and all that...) by contacting them again, but that's just delaying the inevitable. There's no way of detaching yourself from someone emotionally without grieving; and grieving hurts. If it doesn't, you weren't in love in the first place so you haven't lost much in any case.

 

In terms of it "getting them back"...well yeah, it probably does maximise your chances, although I'm never 100% convinced about that. I think if you really want someone back it isn't necessarily the best option in all situations.

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