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My Grandad died and i watched him go


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Hi

i posted last week

my grandad was diagnosed with a brain tumour

they said he had months but he died on monday night after deteriorating rapidly.

 

i was with him for 5 days before he died but he was dying and very very poorly

we nursed him til he let go

 

it was very harrowing watching him die and i cant seem to get it out of my head and remember him how he was

 

i feel shocked and exhausted

 

we all thought he had alot longer

even the nurses were shocked

 

all of the family were at his bedsife for hours before he passed so i seek comfort in that

x

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I know loads of people are going to say this, but it takes time.

Exactly 3 years ago tomorrow, i watched my granddad die. It took me a while to get over it, and not see it when i would close my eyes.

It helped to just watch old photographs of him, or talk to relatives about the "fun" things about him. All those great memories are still there and soon they will fade out these images of him in your head you see now.

Mind you, you never really get over the missing. It just will get better.

Good luck

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I'm sorry, it is really heartbreaking.

 

But very true that with time, those bad memories will become replaced with your good memories of him. You have so many more good (and longer) memories of him than his last few minutes, they will just rise to the surface, and the bad ones will be minimized and dim with time.

 

That is just the way the brain works, where things in short term recent memory (especially when traumatic) are really vivid at first, but they will be outweighed by the good memories over time.

 

When i think of my parents now, there are so many memories of them i very rarely remember the final moments, unless someone else is describing something that is similar and triggers them. and then they are fleeting and something that is not overwhelmingly painful like it is at first. It is more like the feeling you get when you remember the day you broke you arm when you were a child. You have a vague memory of the pain/trauma, but it is not the same or as traumatic as when it first happened.

 

Just try to distract yourself from them as much as you can for the first few weeks, and time will fade them... Focus on trying to remember the good things and bring them to the forefront, and also on doing other things that take your mind off him entirely, until time has done its work and dimmed the pain to something manageable.

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