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Boyfriend has no motivation.


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My boyfriend has very little hope that he will find a good job when he leaves school this May. He is extremely pessimistic. I try to tell him that it may take some time but he will find something that fits him, try giving him suggestions. But he shoots down everything I say. He doesn't feel good enough to do any type of grad school, which he may not be considering his grades. His negative attitude is just really getting us both down. He is constantly saying he "is screwed."

 

How can I help him have more confidence? He is willing to settle on jobs like retail, which is fine, but I see more from him. He is very intelligent.

 

I mean, I potentially want to be with this guy forever and have a decent life but he doesn't seem to think he will make anything of himself. Is this just a lost cause? I plan to stick by him but he is kind of making me feel like I am dating a loser, his own words. His degree is English by the way, if anyone has suggestions!

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You NEED to be his anchor at this time. a relationship is only as strong as it's foundations, and imagine if you were to leave this "loser", only for a great opportunity to come along? I mean, he needs motivation and inspiration, not someone to desert him.

 

You need to get his thoughts on a positive track. bring him up, make him feel hopeful, and let him know you'll be there for him during the hard times.

 

because if you're only there for the good times, what kind've relationship would that be?

 

He needs you right now...as much as he won't admit it, I'm sure he does...just let him know how much you care, and how he needs to stay positive. slow, encouraging baby-step like words do wonders to one's self esteem...which a lack of, it seems as if he's suffering from.

 

so to sum it up: it's a self-esteem issue, and he just needs to have the support you can offer right now. leaving him would just push him deeper into self doubt, and I'm sure you'd want him by your side in a hard time, so that's my opinion.

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Thank you for the reply. Just to clarify, of COURSE I'm not going to just up and leave him for this. I love him and want to be there no matter what is going on. I just don't know how to raise his spirits as I feel I have tried everything. And his constant pessimism brings my mind to "Oh no. What if he does turn out to be a loser down the road?" I guess that's silly because no one can predict the future, and I have faith in him... I wish he'd get some in himself.

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