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Going to tell guy how I feel and I am sooooo scared!!!!!!


enchanted771

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* I have been talking to this guy since February. We totally hit it off, and we did sleep together and established we are not sleeping with other people, and go with the flow and see where the relationship goes. However, we did meet on a date site and if he was seeing other women it would totally bother me. I am thinking I need to be straight with him, tell him I am not seeing other men and see if he feels the same way. I am so freaked out but its better than not knowing, right???

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Before you attempt to establish a relationship with him, you need to work on some major insecurities you have. You freak out over not getting a text back from him, so it doesn't seem you'd be able to remain very calm if an actual issue came up in your relationship with him. Before you go telling him you want to be with him and want him to be with only you, you should work on some issues you have. Otherwise you run the risk of the relationship being very unhealthy and possibly running him off with your insecurities.

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hersmudders isn't saying you shouldn't tell him. She's just saying to work on some of the insecurities that you have. Also, telling someone how you feel about them isn't that hard. It all depends on the reason. Most people tell someone how they feel about them because what they're really looking for is reciprocation of feelings. IMO that's not what it should be about.

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Like I said, before you start trying to enter into a relationship with someone, anyone, you need to work on some major issues you have. If you freak out over him not returning a text, how will you feel if he has to go out of town for business? Decides he wants a night to himself instead of staying over?

 

It seems you easily turn molehills into mountains, and it's not fair to him to be in a relationship with someone who freaks out so easily about something that's really nothing. Work on yourself first instead of trying to commit to someone.

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IDK now....we havent been dating too long. Maybe I should wait another month.

 

I think you might be misunderstanding what hersmudders is trying to say. She's not saying to not tell him. She's saying that maybe you should hold off on a relationship with anybody until you resolve some of your issues.

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We keep saying to look inside yourself and find out why you are so needy. You always blow that off. If you look at your pattern however you will see, everytime you find a new beau it is the same post.....WHY IS HE NOT TEXTING me as much anymore, and you are FRANTIC. So you can blow off what we are saying, but I think it is worth a look.

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We keep saying to look inside yourself and find out why you are so needy. You always blow that off. If you look at your pattern however you will see, everytime you find a new beau it is the same post.....WHY IS HE NOT TEXTING me as much anymore, and you are FRANTIC. So you can blow off what we are saying, but I think it is worth a look.

 

Oh I am not blowing it off at all, I know its true. Just saying this kind of discussion with him I am talking about would institute being a couple.

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I'm not saying hold off b/c you haven't been dating very long. I'm saying you have issues you need to work though. Your relationship won't be healthy if someone is treated like a child by his girlfriend b/c she worries that he's dead somewhere just b/c he didn't return a text.if you keep doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results, your behaviour is actually insane thinking. You have to make yourself healthy before you can be in a healthy relationship.

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I'm not saying hold off b/c you haven't been dating very long. I'm saying you have issues you need to work though. Your relationship won't be healthy if someone is treated like a child by his girlfriend b/c she worries that he's dead somewhere just b/c he didn't return a text.if you keep doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results, your behaviour is actually insane thinking. You have to make yourself healthy before you can be in a healthy relationship.

 

Ok, so hold off for a while then, correct?

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Oh I am not blowing it off at all, I know its true. Just saying this kind of discussion with him I am talking about would institute being a couple.

 

Yes, but you are not listening either. I mean not that you HAVE to. We are saying it to be helpful.You can not do the same thing over and over and over and expect a different result, life does not work that way. Before you can have a good relationship work on YOU.

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Yes, but you are not listening either. I mean not that you HAVE to. We are saying it to be helpful.You can not do the same thing over and over and over and expect a different result, life does not work that way. Before you can have a good relationship work on YOU.

 

Ok, so it would be in my best interest. Ok, so i guess I will hold off then. God knows i will send the text and he wont answer for an hour and I will freak out.

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Exactly. You will freak out. That is unhealthy behaviour. Until you can learn to go with the flow and not worry and see him as a child who is dead b/c he took candy from a stranger, your relationship will not be healthy at all. Therefore you will continue to be unhealthy. And he will be unhealthy as a result. And the relationship will probably not work.

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* I have been talking to this guy since February. We totally hit it off, and we did sleep together and established we are not sleeping with other people, and go with the flow and see where the relationship goes. However, we did meet on a date site and if he was seeing other women it would totally bother me. I am thinking I need to be straight with him, tell him I am not seeing other men and see if he feels the same way. I am so freaked out but its better than not knowing, right???

 

I've gotta disagree with hersmudders. If you slept together, there's no reason why feelings should be developing on your end. Jealousy is natural, obviously, because you want to be with him and you want him to want to be with you (exclusively). If you can see yourself in a relationship with him, no reason not to tell him how you feel.

 

In my opinion, a month isn't a SHORT amount of time, either.

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I've gotta disagree with hersmudders. If you slept together, there's no reason why feelings should be developing on your end. Jealousy is natural, obviously, because you want to be with him and you want him to want to be with you (exclusively). If you can see yourself in a relationship with him, no reason not to tell him how you feel.

 

In my opinion, a month isn't a SHORT amount of time, either.

 

If you read the OP's past threads, you'll understand what hersmudders means.

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There is something wrong when it is a pattern of not just wanting exclusivity. I can see that. It is that she wants CONSTANT afirmation and IMMEDIATE responses to her texts and so on. That is far beyond wanting an exclusive relationship. Two months is also barely enough time to even know what the person is about.

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There is something wrong when it is a pattern of not just wanting exclusivity. I can see that. It is that she wants CONSTANT afirmation and IMMEDIATE responses to her texts and so on. That is far beyond wanting an exclusive relationship. Two months is also barely enough time to even know what the person is about.

 

In any case, I have decided to hold off. For some reason, I feel like I would be sorry if I told him...just a feeling I get. Maybe we need to spend more time together before I determine this.

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5 Red Flags In Relationships
5 Red Flags In Relationships

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