enchanted771 Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 And i am also pessemistic. but very petrefied of being hurt. the guy i am seeing is great. when we are together he is very warm and attentive towards me, notices things like the darn color of my polish, remembers little details i told him even. we are getting to know each other and really click. but he is just so perfect and handsome, i am afraid something better will come along. Link to comment
amazed67 Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 I don't understand. Your afraid of getting hurt or your wanting to wait for something better?? Link to comment
enchanted771 Posted April 28, 2009 Author Share Posted April 28, 2009 Afraid of being hurt. afraid he may find something better. Link to comment
atelis Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 the best way is to deal with one day at a time. people with fear usually project into the future and back to the past. the fear then raises doubts in your mind and you look for excuses to either sabotage the relationship or cause drama which forces your boyfriend to pull away. when the fear hits you, just sit with it and feel it fully. do not fight it or try to avoid it, just feel it. as you are feeling it, act as if you are not afraid. Even laugh at the fear as you feel it, it's a way of telling your fear and your subconscious that the thing you fear is not really capable of causing you harm, because it can't. No one ever died from fear of falling in love. The fear resides in your subconscious, it's the little child inside that is protecting itself from hurt. talk to your boyfriend as much as you can.......tell him your fears, you need to talk about these things. most importantly though, don't play the relationship out in your mind. keep it in the present moment. when you start living the relationship in your mind, that's when the fear takes over. stay in the present moment as much as you can and just take one day at a time Link to comment
Satellite Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 Fear of rejection, esp. in a good relationship, will kill it. It is like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Accept his love and give love in return and take it one day at a time. If you worry, it will eat away at you and you will lose him. I know because I did that, drove someone away that I loved very much. It was all because I did the same thing. Seriously, if you love him, you need to stop the behavior. Look into a self-help site or some kind of therapist to talk about it with. Your fears are most likely unfounded. Also be sure to surround yourself with people who love you unconditionally and remember that you are loved in general. Link to comment
arcadefire Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 Like everyone said, don't live in the past. I have been burned very badly by my last relationship, and now upon entering a new one I'm afraid of opening up because of that wound. It's not worth sacrificing a new relationship because of something you did right in the last one! Love is natural, and let it come in time. Link to comment
enchanted771 Posted April 29, 2009 Author Share Posted April 29, 2009 Yes, i know its not fair. he has told me how he is, i worry when he goes out with his friends to a club or whatever. he is so darn good looking and i worry. i am told i am too so i guess he could think the same thing. even when i go out, he texts me eagerly the next day in a teasing way. guess i just gotta trust him. Link to comment
lady00 Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 I agree with taking it day to day. Maybe some sort of daily affirmation. I've found that helpful in the past, just saying to myself "Today was great. I'm having a great time and while I can't see into the future, as for today, everything is working out really nice." Link to comment
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