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Anger? Is it a phase?


Lieutenant Dan
How Do I Stop The Resentment? Let M...
How Do I Stop The Resentment? Let Me Help!

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So for the past few days I've had some overwhelming anger towards my ex. Which is odd, since the past few days we've been talking quite a bit. It seems like every night though, before I fall asleep, I lay there in bed and get so incredibly pissed off. I'll say things like "I can't believe he did that to me", "he's such a edit-ing edit". Why? I don't want to be angry, and I have no reason to be angry now! He's been nothing but good to me since the break up. The break up wasn't even that bad, it was sucked, but it was quick and nothing dragged out or whatever. The only thing I can think of is that maybe I'm afraid he's going to screw me over now that we're talking again. I don't know I keep comparing to this when we broke up 2 years ago, and things were like this before we got back together again. But I definitely was not angry back then, I'm exuberant that we were talking. Maybe I'm angry because I know this isn't right or something. I don't know

 

I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else can sympathize with me on this? Or have any advice?

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Maybe because you're angry at YOURSELF and not him? Maybe in your heart you are angry because you know you deserve better and you know you're spinning your wheels

with this guy? It makes perfect sense to ME.

 

That does make sense. I guess I have been pretty hard on myself lately too. I don't really have my moms approval on this, which only makes me feel worse. So yea, that very well could be it.

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Hey Lieutenant (love the Forrest Gump reference),

 

I think its safe to say this is probably quite normal (or at least I hope so as Im right there with you, except my ex refuses to talk to me).

 

We go through the phases of loving them tremendously and desperately wanting them back, but then as this fades the anger sets in. I ask myself every day why he could not understand, surely if he loved me he would have known how much he meant to me. He has made me feel so small over the breakup and called me some pretty nasty names. Doesnt help that Ive recently discovered he has some double standards! Id love to talk to him again so I could point those out to him! But at the same time the anger can become destructive I think. Im trying not to let it get that way.

 

Also, if you are on speaking terms, depending on how long you were together and how much you communicated in the relationship, perhaps try evening it out with him. Try and stay calm and just have a go at talking to him about your concerns.

 

If he truly wants you as a friend he will sound you out I think. If it becomes too much, maybe take a step back for a while. Im not saying go NC necessarily but maybe just lighten it up a bit?

 

What do you think?

 

Hope I can help x

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I've been where you are. How can you really 'move on" when you can't even project your anger on the person you're trying to move on from? If he hit you or abused you, you would have no problem moving on (hopefully) but how do you move on when things

seem "ok' or not even bad? I guess this is you have to just be the stronger person and stick to your resolve and your princples. Someone HAS to be the stronger person, and it may as well be you...

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Hey, i posted my own thread earlier today about anger. It's definitely natural and something which can come and go.

 

I'm just trying to have faith that in time, it'll leave me in peace. I'm not sure i can advise because i'm struggling with it too, but i can certaintly sympathise.

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Oh... didn't realize you were trying to be friends with him. That right there answers the question.

 

You're not over him. You're harboring feelings of reconciliation and it angers you that he does not. He sees you as a friend with no intimacy or relationship promise.

 

Maybe it's too early for you to attempt a friendship with him??

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