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Why do some guys do this?? [sorta long - please read]


secretness87

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About 3 months ago I went on two dates with this guy I met online. I don't think I really consider that I "dated" him since it was only two dates. Nothing was ever talked about between us in that way (like if we were headed somewhere), and we never kissed or held hands or anything. The farthest we ever got was cuddling and when we walked sometimes, he would have his arm around me.. or he would hug me from the back. Anyway, after that second date, I realized that he just wasn't the right guy for me and I stopped initiating contact with him. If you want to read more on that story, you can read this thread. Since I stopped initating contact with him, I would only reply to him if he texted me first.

 

After a while, that also started to dwindle down and he stopped texting me too since he probably got the hint, and we would only talk on aim for like 10 minutes before the conversations died.. or he would randomly text me out of the blue asking me how I am, or he would ask me a random quesiton.. but stuff like that only happened once in a while and it wasn't a consistent thing - it was probably like once every month or so. One time he called me, and I ignored his call. I texted him back saying I was at the movies, which I really wasn't.. I just didn't want to talk to him because I had nothing to say. I guess I was just trying to avoid him because I didn't want to lead him on. I know I really sound like a * * * * * now =( But please continue reading..! lol.

 

Anyway, about two weeks ago, he randomly texted me again asking me how I was and said "long time no talk" etc. To be honest, at this point, I was a bit happy to hear from him. I was going through some emotional stuff, and was "boy deprived" and felt like I needed attention so I was just gonna text him back and talk to him. Our conversation through text went like this:

 

HIM: Hey long time no talk, what's up?

Me: Hey, not much, u?

HIM: Nm, just relaxing at work, atm. Got tough classes this q as well. Anything new?

Me: O ic, my classes r ok this quarter I think. I'm jus reading about coachella cuz I'm going this fri

HIM: Tight, sounds pretty cool. Hope u have fun at it.

Me: Lol thx, I hope I have fun too since it will b my 1st time going

HIM: Cool cool

Me: What have u been up to?

HIM: Work and school, really that's about it. My gf been keeping me busy as well. What about u?

Me: Not much jus havin fun w/ friends.. o haha ic, y r u txtin me if ur so busy?

 

And then the conversation ends here. He never replied back to me. I was so annoyed at him trying to make me jealous (because that's what it seemed like) that I wanted to say something to him that would hopefully shut him up, and I think it worked since I haven't heard from him since then. My question to you guys...is.. does it seem like he contacted me after all this time just to tell me that he has a girlfriend now? Is he trying to make me jealous or something? If it did, it really didn't work because afterall, it was me who blew him off in the beginning you know? I was just annoyed at his immaturity. Also this isn't the first time that something like this happened to me. Another guy who I blew off did the same thing to me about a year ago as well and so I'm aggravated. I also think that he asked me the question, "Anything new?" in hopes that I would return the question (which I didn't at the time) so he can be like, "Oh so since she asked me as well, then I can tell her about my new gf..."

 

Guys: How many of you have done something similar? By trying to get a girl jealous and telling them that you are seeing someone new, if the girl was the one that blew you off? What are you trying to achieve? Or what do you think the guy I went on 2 dates with is trying to achieve?? I sort of think he was lying when he said he had a girlfriend for some reason, because if he REALLY was that busy, I don't think he would've randomly texted me out of the blue like that. Am I right?? I don't think I ever want to talk to this guy ever again. I just feel like completely cutting him out of my life after that little incident lol.

 

I know I'm analyzing this way too much I think, but opinions and feedback is greatly appreciated.

 

Thanks for reading.

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Well apparently neither of you treated the other well or had particularly good motives. Treat it as karma.

 

I agree with DN.

 

Your intentions were not honorable either. You spoke to him because you were "boy deprived" and needed attention. I have seen many many women do this.

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I agree that your motives may not have been the best but it's not like you contacted him. Pretty lame on his part, imo. Oh well, just forget it.

 

Thanks for siding with me a bit. I definitely did not contact him which is why I was upset. It seems like he only contacted JUST to tell me that he had moved on and I really don't care. And when I replied to him, he probably never would have known that I wanted attention.

 

I just simply replied to his text in a friendly manner.. until he spilled his unwanted "news" to me.

 

Any other responses are also appreciated.

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I didn't read the other thread, so maybe I am missing something. But he kind of sounds like a jerk for contacting you just to tell you he has a girlfriend which I am pretty darn sure is the only reason he contacted you.

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But honestly though, it does look like you care a lot that he now has a girlfriend. If you truly did not care you wouldn't start a thread here, especially a lenghty post.

 

It may seem that way, but I really don't care. I wrote my post in good detail so I can explain you readers the situation. He has a girlfriend. Congrats for him - whatever. My initial question was just wondering why guys do that.

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It may seem that way, but I really don't care. I wrote my post in good detail so I can explain you readers the situation. He has a girlfriend. Congrats for him - whatever. My initial question was just wondering why guys do that.

 

Some guys are immature. It is very obvious that he was hurt by your rejection and wanted to show off his new gf to you. I bet she is kinda like a rebound.

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It may seem that way, but I really don't care. I wrote my post in good detail so I can explain you readers the situation. He has a girlfriend. Congrats for him - whatever. My initial question was just wondering why guys do that.

 

Lets pretend that women never do this and only guys do! Hooray!!

 

Down with the male gender!

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Some guys are immature. It is very obvious that he was hurt by your rejection and wanted to show off his new gf to you. I bet she is kinda like a rebound.

 

Perhaps. If he was hurt, then he must be extremely sensitive because it was only 2 dates that we ever went out on. And in between the 2 dates, we didn't hang out for at least 2 weeks.

 

..I guess I just like to analyze everything.

 

 

Lets pretend that women never do this and only guys do! Hooray!!

 

Down with the male gender!

 

Haha, I'm not saying that girls never do this. That's why my subject is titled "Why do some guys do this??" Keyword: some.

 

But yeah, I guess I can answer that question myself...... but for why girls would do the same thing, which is probably to make the other person jealous. Whatever he was trying to do, he failed harddd.

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But honestly though, it does look like you care a lot that he now has a girlfriend. If you truly did not care you wouldn't start a thread here, especially a lenghty post.

 

Thats it.

 

I have run into an ex mine around the town recently , and she made a point of telling me about her "new b/f who is so nice". I just wished her well and walked on. It does not count for spit to me.

I broke up with her because I did not want her, If someone else does, then that is his choice.

 

 

To the OP ,

If he did contact you to rub his G/f in your face it seemed to have worked. YOu were pissed enough to author a long first post. Why not just shrug it off. ?

IF you did not care for him, why do you care about his suposed motives.

WHo cares what his motive was?

 

Hmm.. A two page thread so far.

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Thats it.

 

I have run into an ex mine around the town recently , and she made a point of telling me about her "new b/f who is so nice". I just wished her well and walked on. It does not count for spit to me.

I broke up with her because I did not want her, If someone else does, then that is his choice.

 

 

To the OP ,

If he did contact you to rub his G/f in your face it seemed to have worked. YOu were pissed enough to author a long first post. Why not just shrug it off. ?

IF you did not care for him, why do you care about his suposed motives.

WHo cares what his motive was?

 

Hmm.. A two page thread so far.

 

First of all, I never said I was "pissed" in my first post.

 

Like I said before, it's long because it's detailed and that I want to get my story accross to you readers. And I don't care about him - I just think a lot and analyze a lot when I have free time. I guess I'm questioning it because this is not the first time that's happened to me. I feel like I'm a magnet to this kind of behavior from them. And no. Him contacting me to tell me about his new girlfriend did not make me mad so I'd appreciate it if everyone stop saying that please. Sure it looks that way, but I assure you, it's not. All I said was that I was annoyed at his immaturity.

 

Yeah, shrugging it off is a good idea, which is why I'm never speaking to that guy again.

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In your opening post you said you were ''boy deprived'' and wanted attention.It sounds like you wanted his attention on your terms,when it was convenient for you.You also didn't describe what happened after the second date or how you two decided you weren't going to pursue oneanother.Your emotional reaction suggests to me that you may have been receptive to him this time if he was interested.His behaviour also suggests to me that he definitely wanted to continue seeing you after the two dates but you weren't interested and he was miffed by that.Perhaps it is a lesson for you.The next time you discover you aren't interested in someone maybe you should handle it in a much more direct way,no more occasional emails or aim talks,gently let him down and tell him you think it would be best if we removed each other as online contacts[for awhile at least]

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Why there was a girl I dated once, and things did not end so well. Well a few months later guess she decided that she needed to contact me to tell me how she has a new boyfriend and how he has the same name name as me and how much more wonderful he is than me and ask how my love life was doing.

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Why there was a girl I dated once, and things did not end so well. Well a few months later guess she decided that she needed to contact me to tell me how she has a new boyfriend and how he has the same name name as me and how much more wonderful he is than me and ask how my love life was doing.

 

Wow, did she also happen to tell you that she's your bill collector and you owe her double for the month? .

 

Anyways. To OP:

 

Yeah, be more direct and you wouldn't have this problem. He probably thought you were still interested because you kept talking to him. That's why directness is so important.

 

Then again you could still end up like DaBlade. In that case there's not much you can do but yell out some swear words and hang up.

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. All I said was that I was annoyed at his immaturity.

 

 

 

I disagree, there is not a hint of immaturity in his exchange with you. He is merely 'catching up'...there must have been some quality that he liked about you for him to want to chat to you again, albeit briefly.You can call him "immature" if that makes you feel better, it does not change his motive.

 

Women frequently fall into the mistake of trying to smackdown a guy who is not behaving to her liking with the tag of "immature" . IT always comes off as a pompous shaming tactic ..and it kind of falls flat because it is nothing more that a thinly disguised ego preserver.

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I disagree, there is not a hint of immaturity in his exchange with you. He is merely 'catching up'...there must have been some quality that he liked about you for him to want to chat to you again, albeit briefly.You can call him "immature" if that makes you feel better, it does not change his motive.

 

Women frequently fall into the mistake of trying to smackdown a guy who is not behaving to her liking with the tag of "immature" . IT always comes off as a pompous shaming tactic ..and it kind of falls flat because it is nothing more that a thinly disguised ego preserver.

 

If he was trying to make me jealous, then I would think it was an immature act on his part. That was what I was trying to say. I do not think it was immature of him to "catch up." Just the whole mentioning of his girlfriend caught me off guard because it sounded like it came out of nowhere, and when I responded to his text about her, he didn't reply. It pretty much reaffirmed that he only texted me to tell me about her.

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If he was trying to make me jealous, then I would think it was an immature act on his part. That was what I was trying to say. I do not think it was immature of him to "catch up." Just the whole mentioning of his girlfriend caught me off guard because it sounded like it came out of nowhere, and when I responded to his text about her, he didn't reply. It pretty much reaffirmed that he only texted me to tell me about her.

 

on a different note, why and how did you end the dating phase with him? i am guessing that you may have done something unknowingly for him to rub his new gf on you.

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on a different note, why and how did you end the dating phase with him? i am guessing that you may have done something unknowingly for him to rub his new gf on you.

 

Why?: I just wasn't interested in him and I realized that the 2nd time I went out with him. I first went out on a date with him when it hadn't even been a month yet of me and my ex being broken up. I know it was a mistake on my part to even try dating again when I wasn't even over my ex. I just knew I needed to get out of the house and take my mind off my ex - see friends and new people since that's part of the healing phase. Anyway, I knew seeing him made me feel worse which is why I suddenly stopped contact with him pretty much after the second date. I know my ways of ending things with him was crappy, but at the same time, nothing was established at all. It was only 2 dates, and I didn't want to lead him on. So I ended things shortly instead of stringing him along. In my first post, I have a link to my other thread about him, asking you guys what should I do in my situation - and many people said to just leave it be. Maybe I should've just told him nicely but now I think it's too late for that, so.. oh well.

 

How?: I pretty much stopped initiating contact with him. If he texted me, I'd text him back but that was pretty much it. We would only talk about once or twice through text every month or every other month. It was very very slim of us talking once I think he got the "hint" and the very last time we spoke was the text conversation I posted in original post to this thread.

 

Yeah, maybe it was something I did that I had no idea of that led him to want to brag to me about her. But if that's the case, I see no idea how much I had an impact (is that the right word for this context?) on him..for him to do such a thing. We barely know each other after all. It was just 2 dates! Lol

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I do not think it was immature of him to "catch up." Just the whole mentioning of his girlfriend caught me off guard because it sounded like it came out of nowhere, and when I responded to his text about her, he didn't reply. It pretty much reaffirmed that he only texted me to tell me about her

If he was just catching up why would he not mention his girlfriend? Surely that would be part of catching up just like telling you he had moved or got a new job?
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If he was just catching up why would he not mention his girlfriend? Surely that would be part of catching up just like telling you he had moved or got a new job?

 

I would not find it so innocent. I think he was trying to show off and make her jealous. Just looking back on how the conversation went, he mentioned his girlfriend (to me it seemed) out of the blue. I just find it odd that he randomly contacts her, chats about random things, and then just mentions his gf and then stops texting after pointing out that he has a girlfriend.

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How?: I pretty much stopped initiating contact with him. If he texted me, I'd text him back but that was pretty much it. We would only talk about once or twice through text every month or every other month. It was very very slim of us talking once I think he got the "hint" and the very last time we spoke was the text conversation I posted in original post to this thread.

 

 

Geez this is obvious.

From the above quote, you and he maintained a casual, but infrequent text connection . That is what two people often do who attempt to date , but find each other incompatible for an intimate relationship. You and he were in EACH OTHER"S friendzone and continued to chat occasionally.

 

It is perfectly understandable that he would mention his new g/f when he contacted you. Wouldn't you have mentioned YOUR new B/f ,if you had one ?

IT is also perfectly obvious (from the absence of 'flirting' talk by him ) that he has no interest you other that as a casual friend to chat with...

 

It may be difficult to grasp that not all guys will be so " impacted" by dating you to such an extent that they would want to make you jealous or envious.

You have over read this situation.

 

Quit looking for scorpions under every rock. In this case there are none, and in fact there are no rocks either.

 

 

.

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HIM: Hey long time no talk, what's up?

Me: Hey, not much, u?

HIM: Nm, just relaxing at work, atm. Got tough classes this q as well. Anything new?

Me: O ic, my classes r ok this quarter I think. I'm jus reading about coachella cuz I'm going this fri

HIM: Tight, sounds pretty cool. Hope u have fun at it.

Me: Lol thx, I hope I have fun too since it will b my 1st time going

HIM: Cool cool

Me: What have u been up to?

HIM: Work and school, really that's about it. My gf been keeping me busy as well. What about u?

Me: Not much jus havin fun w/ friends.. o haha ic, y r u txtin me if ur so busy?

 

First he asks if there is anything new and the conversation proceeds. Then she asks what he has been up to - and he says "work and school ..." and then mentions his girlfriend.

 

Then she asks him why he is texting if he is so busy - and I imagine he took that as a fairly passive-aggressive comment and left the conversation.

 

I agree it could be taken the way the OP has taken it but it seems to me a stretch - it seems more consistent with his previous sporadic contacts.

After a while, that also started to dwindle down and he stopped texting me too since he probably got the hint, and we would only talk on aim for like 10 minutes before the conversations died.. or he would randomly text me out of the blue asking me how I am, or he would ask me a random quesiton.. but stuff like that only happened once in a while and it wasn't a consistent thing - it was probably like once every month or
so.
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I still think that he contacted her in order to tell her he had a girlfriend. Seems pretty obvious to me. He could have simply never contacted her again (and why should he...he had no reason to), but he chose to do so in order to announce that he had a girlfriend.

 

Edit: clearly the skeptic in me is coming out big time! I of course don't know what is going on in this guy's mind. I just feel like when people are not friends but have sort of dated and they contact you out of the blue and happen to mention a bf or gf, it's not just random chit-chat. I tend to think people do things for a reason. But I could be wrong about the extent to which the reason here is innocent.

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