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Afraid of being with a girl..


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Hi all,

 

I am a guy, 20 years old. I have been in love with a girl once, I would do anything for her. But we never want further than kissing so I don't really know what would have happened. I am attracted to guys and girls. The idea of being with a guy or the reality of it (because it would be so easy for me to get a guy, I have plenty of gay friends, who would be with me even though I turn them down..) turns me off. I don't want it. Its more of the image of a guy because I am so self conscious with my own body for being so skinny I look up to guys with good bodies. This is embarrassing but if I want to masturbate, I will do it to pictures of guys because I can do it so much quicker and get it done.

 

The other part is that I find girls attractive too, but its not the same. I do want to be with a girl. I want to try it. But I am afraid if what if I can not get aroused? I have never had sex with anyone so I don't know what to expect. I think it would be easier for me to get turned on by a guy even tho I am more drawn to women. It doesn't make any sense really. Like a guy would physically turn me on quicker but women are just so amazing I can't help but want them. I want them more than a man. The only time I ever think of a guy is when I need to relieve myself. Otherwise I am always thinking about girls and how to ask them out. I do not have the most confidence, but that is something I am working on.

 

Any thoughts?

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The only way to build up confidence with women is through practice. Just keep talking to them. Learn how to be yourself around them without getting too nervous. Try to do it everyday. The more you do, the easier it will get. Be able to accept the idea of rejection. When asking women out you have to go through some no's to get to the yes's. You'll find that the more you try, the better your results will become. Keep trying and good luck!

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Thats exactly what I am doing.. I have asked many girls out, its not a problem anymore. I have a million friends that are girls. I am just afriad of sleeping with them and not being able to perform. Even though I really want to experience it because I am still a virgin. I have not met the right girl yet, which is why I have never gone that far, but when I do..I want to make sure I don't look bad.

 

Maybe I should cut out looking at any pictures of men and just look at women so when the day comes that will be all I am customed to?

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Yeah, maybe so. You should practice the same thing sexually as socially if that's what your goal is. Try only pleasuring yourself to images of women and see if that works. If not, maybe your attraction to women is not a physical one. That's something you would probably want to see a therapist about to try and get sorted out.

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Its more of the image of a guy because I am so self conscious with my own body for being so skinny I look up to guys with good bodies.

 

I didn't quite understand what you were getting at here... are you saying you're drawn to guys with good bodies because you admire them? Because I don't know about you, but for me, admiration and attraction are often closely linked.

 

Anyway, I think maybe (based on your post, which needs more info really), that you're gay, and the reason you think about girls and about asking them out is because 1). you like them (but not in that way), but you want to be closer to them, just like a lot of straight girls want to make friends with other girls, for the friendship.

2). society has set you up to get a big confidence boost if you can be a hit with the ladies (and the guys will be impressed if you are too), so you get social status points if you have a girlfriend and are popular with the ladies.

3). you get off masturbating to images of men. you aren't turned on by thoughts of women. you're Gay.

4). you aren't attracted to your Gay buddies, (maybe none of them are your type, but that doesn't make you straight),

 

As long as you're turned on by guys and not girls, it would be misleading and deceiptful of you to date girls who are going to expect something sexual. If you want to experiment with girls, maybe you need to first come to terms with your sexual preference for guys, and maybe get therapy to see if maybe you have a block inside which makes you not interested in guys in an emotional or romantic way, but only sexual.... then if it turns out you are comfortable to identify as Gay, you might want to come out about it, and then find a nice and understanding female friend who is interested in having sex with you, just for your experimenting. you never know, some girls will jump at the chance. it's that whole attraction towards the unattainable.

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Maybe I should cut out looking at any pictures of men and just look at women so when the day comes that will be all I am customed to?

 

Hmmm... We're not supposed to ask you your age here, so I'm gonna tell you all about me. I tried this when I was about 14, at the start of a long period of self-loathing. I kept trying to stop myself thinking about this boy I loved at the time, and to focus on girls and try to derive sexual pleasure from thinking about them instead. It didn't work, leading to a sense of failure.

 

I think it depends on why exactly you would want to do this - is your "political convictions" to "The Party" the deciding factor? (Sorry, I'm using terminology from the novel 1984 by Orwell, which I think everybody should read). I mean, do you "want to be straight"? Is it because you want to fall in line with the party-line?

 

I personally think that who we love, who we fantasize about has no relevance whatsoever in deciding if it's ok or not, as long as no one is being hurt by the process. Treat others the way you want to be treated (Plato), is all we need really. If images of men in your head is all that gets you off, then you're gay.

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Hmmm... We're not supposed to ask you your age here, so I'm gonna tell you all about me. I tried this when I was about 14, at the start of a long period of self-loathing. I kept trying to stop myself thinking about this boy I loved at the time, and to focus on girls and try to derive sexual pleasure from thinking about them instead. It didn't work, leading to a sense of failure.

 

I went through the exact same thing... that was me in a nut shell when i was 14.

I really don't think you are sexually attracted to girls. yes, you may "like" girls but "like" is a world apart from "sexual attraction". but by all means, experiment with heterosexual relationships, and if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. it won't be the end of the world. Just don't kid yourself into thinking that you are something you are not. i learnt the hard way

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Hi guys, a little update. I am 20 years old by the way.

 

I see what you are all saying. Last Friday I went to a party and got really drunk. I know this was stupid but I am in college and well things happen I was making out with a girl which was the first time in three years. I was not attracted to her at all. I could not get turned on. But I did like kissing her. I wanted to have sex, but I didn't want to lose my virginity to someone I don't love. My friends said I was nervous and thats why it wasn't working.

 

Now what I said about not being attracted to her, please don't take this offensive, but I weigh 125 lbs and she was clearly not. I am just not attracted to someone really heavier than I am. There were other girls at the party and I had a strong desire to get with them. Saturday I had a party as well and I can't help it..I am attracted to girls. I just don't know why it didn't work down there. Maybe it was the nerves. Or maybe because I have absolutely no fat on my body and well I could feel all of hers. I just didn't like it personally.

 

You could say I am gay, but I can't be 100% positive. I am turned on by a picture of men but I have been in situations where I am close to a guy and it does not work either. I don't like men like that. I am being completely honest. I just don't like it. I don't want it.

 

Girls on the other hand I want sex with. I want to try it. But first I want to fall in love. That's an issue because I can't know how sex with be, but I don't want to lose my virginity and regret it.

 

 

 

Tomorrow if I have time I will try to arouse myself to a picture of just women and see what happens. Maybe I have some erectile dysfunction?

 

Like I said above, I was not attracted to that girl. I was also nervous. But when we were together, I was so hot and if felt good. I just couldn't get an erection and even if I did I wouldn't have gone all the way.

 

1). you like them (but not in that way), but you want to be closer to them, just like a lot of straight girls want to make friends with other girls, for the friendship.

2). society has set you up to get a big confidence boost if you can be a hit with the ladies (and the guys will be impressed if you are too), so you get social status points if you have a girlfriend and are popular with the ladies.

3). you get off masturbating to images of men. you aren't turned on by thoughts of women. you're Gay.

4). you aren't attracted to your Gay buddies, (maybe none of them are your type, but that doesn't make you straight),

 

The thing is that I really do like them in that way. There was a girl on Saturday who I had the biggest crush on and I was jealous when she was talking to other guys. I have never had a crush on a man before in my life. Since I was a kid I had a crush on this one girl. Then I dated one when I was 17. Now I have liked this one girl for a bit, she doesn't like me the same way tho. Which is fine. I will move on.

 

I went through the exact same thing... that was me in a nut shell when i was 14.

I really don't think you are sexually attracted to girls. yes, you may "like" girls but "like" is a world apart from "sexual attraction". but by all means, experiment with heterosexual relationships, and if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. it won't be the end of the world. Just don't kid yourself into thinking that you are something you are not. i learnt the hard way

 

Like I said before, when I was making out with the girl, my body temp was so hot. It has never been like that when looking at pictures of men. Being with someone was amazing, I want to do it again. I just couldn't get it to work down there. If it did, I might have slept with her. I might have regretted it though because it would have been my first time. That is not how I want to lose it.

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When you meet someone you feel a connection with, the fact that you are supposively very skinny or the fact that the person that you are with doesn't have a perfect body either isn't going to matter much. You just think he's a great guy and you think the world of him. It doesn't look like this has happened to you yet.

 

Maybe you are not open to having relationships with guys yet for whatever reason. You have definitely chosen pics of guys for visual stimulation to get off, that should tell you something.

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I am never going to be with a man, that is the thing. I don't want a man to touch me or kiss me. I really don't want that. This isn't something that I will like eventually. That is the problem. I have an urge to be with a women. I want sex with a girl and I know I will fall in love with one because I did once. It just didn't last. And that was not because of sex, that was because we were both young.

 

I will report back soon..

 

You have definitely chosen pics of guys for visual stimulation to get off, that should tell you something.

 

Pictures of women work too. It is just that at college I don't have much time if I need to get off. I would just look at a picture of a man because it works faster. I don't fantasize about men or having sex with them ever. It is just the image of them when at my computer.

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If that is all true, it really doesn't matter to me, but I would suggest if this is the case, I would stop looking at images of men to help get you off.

 

I guess I was trying to make the point that pornography can give you a skewed sense of what sex and love is. It really does warp your sense of making deeper connections with people.

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Well...I'm curious as to how the -not masturbating to men- thing worked out for you.

 

Honestly...when you are sexually attracted to men and can get an erection, and actually reach sexual satisfaction from images of men..one would automatically think you were gay. But you are atimate that you do not want a sexual encounter with a man, and only with women.

 

 

I have a few suggestions and theories.

 

 

One...and there is a condition, I just don't have the name lol but there is a condition mainly with males that they can only reach an erection with themselves due to many factors. You don't have erectile disfunction because you CAN get an erection. Just only to men. Look into this.

 

Perhaps you have so much subconsious insecruties with the fact that you can't get aroused with a women that, that thought alone permits you from being with any women sexually. You need to experiment. Force yourself to not look at images of men, and try masturbating. And do the same with images of women.

 

If you can't reach satisfaction the same way with yourself when you look at women, other than men....you are most likely gay. You may just have a mental block about it since it's not very "accepted" in society.

you can't control your emotions...

Don't try to convince yourself that you like women, because that WILL NOT work.

 

Let you be you.

I even suggest you forcing yourself to experiment with a male. I know you say you don't want to, but sweetie...if you can cum from images of men, most likely you are attracted to men! You need to investigate those feelings. Just try it.

 

If all else fails, I suggest talking to a therapist. I know that sounds scary, but they are really helpful. And it does not mean you are a crazy person.

They can change your life

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