Is it me or them?

[texastoast]

I'm a very independent person typically. I kind of keep to myself, I don't spend much money, I like my job, I like to travel alone, etc. However I feel like I don't really have as much of a grasp on social situations as I'd like to. I guess you could say that I don't fall in love that easily either.

 

Unfortunately, for some reason, almost every non-relative male I've ever met (and many I don't know at all) seem to want to get with me in one form or another. I don't really know what I did to merit this sort of attention, maybe it's just a horny guy thing, I don't know, but it really gets in the way of my knowing exactly who I should be with... if anyone at all that is.

 

So here's my problem:

 

I keep getting myself into relationship after relationship (some more serious than others) where my boyfriend seems to be completely reliant on me, especially in the emotional department. They ALL tend to get really moody, yell at my friends, and ignore me all day until they want to do something physical and then get pissed off when I tell them that I don't find their playing video games for nine hours a turn-on.

 

But here's what gets me: none of them start off this way. Each time I thought I learned from my mistakes and I tried to date a completely different personality type. I tried asking screening questions like "Do you like Wow?" or "Do you have a job?" but it didn't matter, because whether they started out as lawyers or were unemployed they all seem to get like that: completely financially and emotionally dependent on me ....and it makes me have this overwhelming feeling of apathy towards that person (as harsh as that sounds). After just a few weeks, I feel like I have more love for the tree that grows in my neighbor's yard (which, granted is a very nice tree).

 

Am I just one of those losers who is drawn to guys that are like that? Is it something I am doing to them? Maybe I have unrealistic expectations for relationships in general, I don't know. I just want to break this cycle.

 

The worst part is that I keep thinking back to all the other guys that I let slip through my fingers, wondering if maybe one of them was different, but I was too stupid to realize it.

 

What should I do?

[ad-mortem]

It's very possible that you attract these sorts of men because you're a strong woman, and needy men see you as someone who'll look after them. It's not a problem with you, it's a problem with them. You don't need to change if this is the case, you just need to hold on in there and try not to let your past experiences affect your view of relationships in the future.

If you start with a new guy, make it clear to him from the beginning that you won't tolerate any behaviour like that, and warn him off at at the first sign of dependancy on you.

Don't worry if you have to go through a few more duds though, you will find someone right for you eventually, and don't dwell on guys from the past and what might have been, it's a waste of time. You had a reason for dumping them back then, and even if you got back with them it'd still be an issue and whatever it was would probably be driving you nuts.