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Confront mistreatment post break-up?Handle running into him?

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I was recently dumped by what I've discovered to be a classic commitment-phobe. Mind you, I was never looking for or asking for commitment in the first place, never even discussed the future--just took things day-by-day, enjoying the moment. He came on very strong at the beginning, making me believe as though he was head over heels, talking about future and sucking me into a zone where I felt completely comfortable opening up, trusted him. We became very close and inseperable. Several months in he began treating me with disdain, blaming me for everything, accusing me of things I wasn't doing, and making me feel worthless and not good enough for him. He finally broke up, but kept me on a string for 3 months, dropping crumbs but sending mixed signals along the way. I was in the midst of a separation and he was urging me to finalize my divorce so that we could get back together. When a final date for my divorce came to be, he suggested we start spending time together again and started coming on strong again with serious statements, like wanting to have kids, getting married, etc. I did not echo these things because I did not want to unnecessarily ruin things with promises and such, figuring that would be a more comforting stance with a man. Upon "reuniting," we spent 2 dates together, in which he was cold and seemingly almost repulsed by my presense. He is 35 and intelligent, yet the coward dumped me via an email the day prior to my divorce and insulted my intelligence numerous times with lies, excuses and irrational justifications. My self-esteem has never been lower due to his callous indifference to my dignity. I was good to him and deserved more compassion and respect in the end.


It's been almost 6 weeks; I never said my peace, should I write him a letter expressing my pain and humiliation over his mistreatment? I can accept a truthful admittance of falling out of love, but don't understand the unnecessary mistreament and what I perceive as his assessment of me as worthless and undeserving of a dignified end. ALSO, I did run into him 2 days ago at the gym--he looked over at me I suspect to get a hello or see me break down. I ignored him and kept exercising; I broke down in my car on the way home. I'm not sure what to do if I run into him again--say hello as if I'm peachy keen, or ignore him and stay cool as cuke? I HATE him, so I don't genuinely want to say hello. What's the BEST reaction for me, worst for him? PLEASE HELP???[/i]

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Hi Joannie,


I am sorry to hear about your divorce, I am waiting for mine so I am not that better off either.


Now, as for this guy, do not bother trying to get back at him. Make him see that you can do better without him around. A person with no integrity, one who makes empty promises, cannot really be trusted. Kiss that dismal past goodbye and start rebuilding your life. You will meet someone better.

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I read your story, and i am shocked to hear that you went through that. it seems that (and this coming from a man) that a majority of guys like to go about making strong commitments so that they know you can be drawn in and show you that they can make you happy by saying things like that. but is not just guys who do it, women do it too believe it or not. I just lost a girlfriend no more than a day ago where she had told me two days ago she loved me, and then did the biggest 180 and told met hat she felt nothing for me anymore, that we should be just best friends for now, and that my chances of getting back with her are very good. and she was always telling me before that she would never give me up, that she never leave me, that i was the only one for her and no one else. all those things she told me drew me into her making me believe that i found that one in a million only to realize now that it was all an illusion. a year of my life is gone and ill never get that back. and im sure that the time you had with your ex you'll never get back. see if this is how love can be then why do we deal with it? because we believe that us as human beings can face the fact that we can go and move on. but with moving on can be hardships in that process too. if we never had emotions then how would we discover ourselfs as people, as who we are inside and most of all what we need to do to make our lives better. My advice to you is that if you are to run into him again then stand tall keep your head up, if he sees that your looking down or a bit paranoid then he will use that to his advantage. if he says hello to you then just let him have a friendly greeting back and no more. then you'll see that your stronger in your heart than he is with his empty words. then live your life find that special man out there that has been waiting for you. wish i could say what im saying to you for myself but i dont see how. but i hope that this advice was a good thing for you and drop me a message if it does help. thank you for your time and take care.

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