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Girlfriend becoming less sexual


Alexander DeLarge

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What does this mean to a relationship? Is she losing interest in me? Does it happen to all couples with time?

 

I've been dating her for 9 months now. I lost my virginity. At first she was very sexual and seemed to love it. She would want to do it as often as we could. She didn't mind leaving home really late afterwords. Now nine months later I feel like I'm always pushing for sex and she has less interest. Sometimes it bothers me, maybe more than it should. I feel like she must not like me or be attracted to me and it makes me feel like our relationship isn't going well. She assures me she loves me all the time. What are your thoughts?

 

If you need any more information let me know.

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just curious,

 

do you still date her, romanticize her? or do you just crawl into bed and expect it?

 

Good call.

 

If you are expecting sex... and not trying to get her in the mood for sex (and not just grabbing her parts and thinking thatll always do the trick) then you wont get any. Buy her flowers, give her a massage, take her out to dinner, etc.

 

Plus, sex is a lot like pizza. Its really good, even when its not soo good its still good (usually). But even really yummy pizza starts to be... blah after a while. Its to be expected that after a while the fire will die down a bit... if you are less experienced than she, then you will probably still be wanting sex a LOT whereas she has been there, done that before... and not to knock you at all... but it just doesnt have the newness factor to her than it does to you.

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Define less sexual. How many times a week/month, etc.?

 

When my ex lost her "drive", I tried little things here and there. Massages, romantic dinners, a nice bubble bath with candles and music, even that didn't work. I even quit trying for 2 weeks, and instead of it making her want to initiate, she accused me of not being interested in her anymore. Damned if I did, damned if I didn't. She actually wound up asking for massages 2-3 times a week, no reciprocation. I felt taken advantage of.

 

At first it was maybe twice a week, that was for the first month or two. It quickly dwindled to maybe once a month. Nothing I could do would make her want to do it. I eventually got used to just climbing into bed next to her, giving her a kiss goodnight and going straight to sleep.

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Define less sexual. How many times a week/month, etc.?

 

When my ex lost her "drive", I tried little things here and there. Massages, romantic dinners, a nice bubble bath with candles and music, even that didn't work. I even quit trying for 2 weeks, and instead of it making her want to initiate, she accused me of not being interested in her anymore. Damned if I did, damned if I didn't. She actually wound up asking for massages 2-3 times a week, no reciprocation. I felt taken advantage of.

 

At first it was maybe twice a week, that was for the first month or two. It quickly dwindled to maybe once a month. Nothing I could do would make her want to do it. I eventually got used to just climbing into bed next to her, giving her a kiss goodnight and going straight to sleep.

 

 

 

Carbon Copy of what happened with my ex and me.

 

1 year of bliss, then 3 years of.......well....not sure really.

 

Did everything I could, but in the end, nothing made a difference.

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Define less sexual. How many times a week/month, etc.?

 

When my ex lost her "drive", I tried little things here and there. Massages, romantic dinners, a nice bubble bath with candles and music, even that didn't work. I even quit trying for 2 weeks, and instead of it making her want to initiate, she accused me of not being interested in her anymore. Damned if I did, damned if I didn't. She actually wound up asking for massages 2-3 times a week, no reciprocation. I felt taken advantage of.

 

At first it was maybe twice a week, that was for the first month or two. It quickly dwindled to maybe once a month. Nothing I could do would make her want to do it. I eventually got used to just climbing into bed next to her, giving her a kiss goodnight and going straight to sleep.

 

 

Jesus, that's bleak. When I read that I was hoping to scroll down to the part where you say, and that's when I did blah blah that fixed it all. Guess life isn't like that. I really don't think I just crawl into bed. I do lots of little romantic things for her on aniversaries and special days and we send eachother post cards when she's up at school. Even last night I took her out to dinner, we went out after to the beach, then to the boardwalk and played a game we played that we first did while we were starting to date, then we got pictures taken, something she's wanted to do for a while. All in all it felt pretty romantic. End of the night she says, I'm gonna go home. I was like o..k. Don't really know what to say. Maybe there is a deep-rooted problem I'm missing.

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What does this mean to a relationship? Is she losing interest in me? Does it happen to all couples with time?

 

I've been dating her for 9 months now. I lost my virginity. At first she was very sexual and seemed to love it. She would want to do it as often as we could. She didn't mind leaving home really late afterwords. Now nine months later I feel like I'm always pushing for sex and she has less interest. Sometimes it bothers me, maybe more than it should. I feel like she must not like me or be attracted to me and it makes me feel like our relationship isn't going well. She assures me she loves me all the time. What are your thoughts?

 

If you need any more information let me know.

 

A) The honeymoon period is over

B) She may feel she's got you locked in and doesn't have to work as hard to keep you.

C) She may be interested in other guys or already has started banging someone else.

 

 

It could any one (or more) of the above. If B, she should link removed.

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I did all of that stuff too. If she took the train to work, I'd sneak to the station and leave a card or a poem for her in her windshield...tons of stuff like that. And not just during the honeymoon period - for the entire 15 months we were together I'd think of little things like that. I might get a "thanks" and that's it. I think she came to expect it after a while. And eventually, I DID become just satisfied with climbing into bed and kissing her goodnight. If she didn't want to do it, she didn't have to. It was bigger problems that led to me leaving her.

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Sex is a barometer for the relationship. If everyone's happy, everyone's getting laid. If there are problems... well, yeah.

 

Now, of course things slow down some, but if it's a marked change, something's afoot. I would talk to her and just let her know that you care for/love her and just want to clear the air about anything that could be wrong and can be worked on together.

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Jesus, that's bleak. When I read that I was hoping to scroll down to the part where you say, and that's when I did blah blah that fixed it all. Guess life isn't like that.

 

You won't find many success stories on here regarding this topic. In the beginning its not terribly hard to be sexually compatible if everything else in the relationship goes well, but down the road when passion and lust starts to disappear it becomes somewhat more of a challenge to keep the spark alive, and more often than not, that spark dies. That's why there are topics starting up almost daily on here where people have the same problem.

 

This problem seldom goes away. Since no one piece of advice is the be-all-end-all method of saving your spark, try all the methods. Maybe one will work.

 

Weight out your options:

 

1) Keep your chin up and suck it up, trying every option out there until you're done

2) Replace your partner. Don't settle for a sexless relationship in the name of love. Open yourself up to the potential of a new love down the road that will be more satisfying.

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