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What have you learned from ena?


waveseer

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I have learned so much about myself and how to and more importantly not to relate to people from being on ena. I thought it might help someone if we shared what we've learned here.

 

Most importantly I've learned to value myself and be loving towards myself. This has helped me learn a healthier way to love others. If I am largely meeting my own needs than I can be a whole person with something to offer in my relationships without burdening the people I am with in an overly needy fashion. By the same token I have learned to recognize when other people are valuing themselves and largely meeting their own needs. This enables me to choose healthier people to form relationships with and avoid forming bonds which are unhealthy with people who are overly needy.

 

This is an incredibly important step in my ongoing development and I am very grateful that ena is here for me to continue on my path of personal growth.

 

What have you learned from ena?

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This is going to sound pathetic but I've learnt the basics of relationships. I obviously haven't done these or have any experience in them but really basic stuff like meeting/talking to girls, asking them out, dates, etc.

Just shows the very sheltered life I've had 'ey ...

 

Like if it wasn't for school friend immaturity and curious about porn/internet all those years ago, I probably wouldn't even know what sex is (yeah this isn't eNA, lol).

 

And this isn't a lame joke , but learning "You are not alone" is also good (at times ...)

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Hello R2H,

Like you, I appreciate this forum as a great learning tool, and I only wish I'd had access to it during the days when I suffered most. I was so lost in my own mind spins, and today I find it helpful to know that this doesn't make me a freak--I can see that whenever I still do this, I'm in great company.

 

Reading other peoples' stories helps me to unwind my own. There isn't much I can't relate to experiencing at some point in my life, and this helps me forgive my own ignorance. We're all just doing the best we can with what we know at any given time. This place helps me to unlock my own problem solving skills instead of stagnating inside my own head.

 

No sense in beating myself up for all the 'coulda shoulda' changes I would make if given an opportunity to go back and change my reactions and responses to things. I see people stuck in implied beliefs that their current hardships are permanent, even though we've all looked back on tough times only to be glad they were temporary. It's hard to remember that when its YOU who's pushing through the thickest barriers to your own peace of mind--but the idea that everyone's problems are just as important to them helps me put my own in perspective.

 

I'm so glad you're feeling the kind of accomplishment that would motivate you to write of it here. I also admire your willingness to examine your own private expectations of others and view your own thoughts and behaviors as keys to changing your relationships. That's a brave place to go, and I'm glad to hear you've been enjoying some of the rewards for taking that plunge.

 

Talk soon, and my best,

Cat

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This is going to sound pathetic but I've learnt the basics of relationships. I obviously haven't done these or have any experience in them but really basic stuff like meeting/talking to girls, asking them out, dates, etc.

Just shows the very sheltered life I've had 'ey ...

 

Like if it wasn't for school friend immaturity and curious about porn/internet all those years ago, I probably wouldn't even know what sex is (yeah this isn't eNA, lol).

 

And this isn't a lame joke , but learning "You are not alone" is also good (at times ...)

 

Learning we are not alone is half the battle I believe.

 

And learning the basics of fraternizing with the opposite sex is pretty important too!

 

I hope you continue to participate as long as it serves you well.

 

Hello R2H,

Like you, I appreciate this forum as a great learning tool, and I only wish I'd had access to it during the days when I suffered most. I was so lost in my own mind spins, and today I find it helpful to know that this doesn't make me a freak--I can see that whenever I still do this, I'm in great company.

 

Reading other peoples' stories helps me to unwind my own. There isn't much I can't relate to experiencing at some point in my life, and this helps me forgive my own ignorance. We're all just doing the best we can with what we know at any given time. This place helps me to unlock my own problem solving skills instead of stagnating inside my own head.

 

No sense in beating myself up for all the 'coulda shoulda' changes I would make if given an opportunity to go back and change my reactions and responses to things. I see people stuck in implied beliefs that their current hardships are permanent, even though we've all looked back on tough times only to be glad they were temporary. It's hard to remember that when its YOU who's pushing through the thickest barriers to your own peace of mind--but the idea that everyone's problems are just as important to them helps me put my own in perspective.

 

I'm so glad you're feeling the kind of accomplishment that would motivate you to write of it here. I also admire your willingness to examine your own private expectations of others and view your own thoughts and behaviors as keys to changing your relationships. That's a brave place to go, and I'm glad to hear you've been enjoying some of the rewards for taking that plunge.

 

Talk soon, and my best,

Cat

 

Thank you, I've tried to take my healing seriously. Not so much because I am destined for greatness (who knows though, lol) but because I was just that unhappy when I arrived here in Oct. '08. I've done the three steps forward two steps back flavor of progress quite a bit. Ultimately being able to share about my internal struggles and getting feedback from the kind and perceptive people here has made it possible for me to maintain a positive outlook on my chances of healing and created a few wonderful friendships and aquaintance relationships.

 

I agree with you wholeheartedly on how and why ena facilitates our healing and growth. I'm glad you're here.

 

i've learnt that i can't do everything on my own and i should take other's advice and help.

 

This is so true, and so hard to accept sometimes. Thank you.

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This forum has been a very great learning tool for myself. Not to mention, I have enjoyed posting on the forums and recieving great advice as well. I think some of the most prolific writers & thinkers are on this site.

 

I have a similar view of ena. So much wisdom, so little time.

 

I've kinda learned from this place...that nobody will understand me like I do, and may not give the insight I need. I can ask for support from here, but it is ultimately me who will have to find my answers.

 

You make an important point. Ultimately I make my own choices. What I find most helpful, however, is the perspectives I receive from others even if none fit my situation exactly.

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It's hard to get angry at strangers. All they can do is tell it how they see it!

 

lol, true. I do remember the first advice I was given here and I am still working on it. Not only haven't I completely accepted it yet, I also haven't completed taking the suggested actions. Guess I'm not done yet!

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lol, true. I do remember the first advice I was given here and I am still working on it. Not only haven't I completely accepted it yet, I also haven't completed taking the suggested actions. Guess I'm not done yet!

 

Yeah, I have a checklist of advice I still have yet to follow! Just because I've learned to take it gracefully doesn't mean I follows it!

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I've learned that there are other people in similar situation as you are.

 

It's great to hear what people think about your situation because they are separate from it and can think clearly about it. They can also add from their own experience and clear up anything that might be clouding your brain.

 

Constructive or not, people's comments and criticisms here are good because they are impartial and people can't backstab you like "friends" that may be sitting next to you.

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I have learned that you only can make your life better. Taking advice from other people and taking advantage of opportunities that come your way are up to you. Just like the old saying... You can lead a donkey to water but you can't make it drink. I have taken responsibility for what I have done and what I plan to do, and really opened up to advice from other people, both on here and people I know personally...it has helped me find out about myself more.

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I've also learned that I am not all alone, in terms of things I go through in my daily life. Sometimes I get so caught up in my own world that I forget that there other people out there who are suffering if it not much worse than I am. So we're all in the same boat. I learned that we're all either looking for love, lost a loved one or looking to self-improve in some kind of way. And ENA has been a great tool in helping us accomplish that.

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That sometimes people think "tough love" is them getting to say something any way they feel like saying it, whether it is rude, insensitive,untrue, or outright ridiculous. Also that their opinon is the "best" and "true".

 

Debate is a fine art and many people can not do it without having a temper tantrum ( sometimes myself included)

 

Over all I guess I have learned to take many things with a grain of salt and a

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That there are a lot of insightful people here, who actually take the time to carefully read what your problem is, instead of blindly applying their "solution" to your problem.

 

That despite what I just said, there are also people who will be snide to you to make themselves feel better. But you can ignore them.

 

That this is a safe place (most of the time) to vent and check your perceptions with others, which is really helpful.

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Just as a disclaimer, I think this is a wonderful site. However there are also some limitations.

 

What I have really learned:

- you cannot help anyone, if they are not ready to admit to themselves that they need help. people post all the time that they want help, but often enough they just simply ignore it, thus indicating even if they are not happy in their situation, some kind of fear makes it seem more attractive to stay right where they are instead of doing the hard work towards a solution

- sometimes all the compassion and support just seems to enable people to continue their behavioral patterns; as long as there are enough/ new people to give you sympathy - why should you feel the need for personal growth? some even seem to ask for the sole purpose of attention seeking and describe problems/ situations that turned out to be non existant

- some of the given advice does not seem to be geared towards the questioneer, but more for the responder to increase/ feed their own sense of importance

- there will never be a situation where everyone agrees on the interpretation

- it's quite a challenge to give unbiased advice that is not clouded through the judgment of your own experience

- it's quite amazing that regardless of how many situations will be described, how limited the number of truly different type of problems is, yet while you are in the situation it's hard not to feel that your story is more 'unique' than anyone's else's

- i'm sad to see how many people have suicidal thoughts and a very bleak outlook on life; i am usually at a loss how to try to help them especially if the option of professional help is not available to them for any kind of reason

- it's astounding that sometimes the 'obvious' solution (communicate/ talk to your SO; seek a doctor when having health related issues etc) is the furthest on someone's mind

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So true. Sometimes people come here looking for an instant solution, hoping something else can do the work for them. It takes a lot to be able to man up and actually accept responsibility for fixing your own life. We always want it to be Someone Else's Problem.

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