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Why is making friends hard for some people like me?


Ms.Lady

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I don't get it, most of my life was spent sheltered and alone. It's a never ending pattern with me.Granted I have a few friends I hang out and talk to from time to time but they also have their own lives and we all hang out every blue moon. Meaning we may all get together maybe 2 or 3 months within that time frame. The times I don't spend with them are very depressing and alone. I don't go to school anymore, I graduated high school and college so making friends seems so hard now. I'm also looking for employment for the past two months since I've been laid off my job and I'm very depressed and lonely. To make matters worst, my ex boyfriend left me all by myself. He's moving on with his life and leaving to another state which adds on to the hurt and the pain.

 

It seems so easy for people to live these exciting lives. I'm looking on facebook and looking at all the friends I graduated school with. Everyone seems to be living these great exciting lives. They have friends and family all around them. Pictures with them on trips,clubs parties etc, people getting married and people my age having children.It makes me sad because I never really got any of that in my life, an exciting life. I guess maybe due to my shyness, no one hardly ever seemed to notice me in high school or college. I was always the girl people never paid any attention to. Though I was very shy and quiet I kept to myself often, maybe that's why no one bothered to talk to me. I just wish I could have done more when I was in school. I never joined clubs and I was just a very isolated sheltered girl. Basically went to school and went home to an empty place by myself.

 

Talking to random strangers while I'm out and asking them to be my friend seems a little desperate and pathetic. I'm a very shy woman to till this day. Like I never bother trying to talk to people and I think maybe that's why I can't make friends. It would be nice to have someone notice me for a change. Maybe a guy even, heck I can't even seem to get attention from a man like most women my age does. It just seems like I'm invisible to the world. So here I spend another lonely Friday night alone and to myself. I don't know how I'm going to break this pattern. I wish I had a life, I wish I had a closer connection with family, I wish I had friends and a life. That would make me happy but it's easier said than done.

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We sound just a like. I know exactly how you feel.

 

As a child, my grandparents (who raised me) kept me sheltered. Seriously. They would freak out every time I was invited to go to a birthday party or a sleepover. They always wanted me at the house, and always wanted to know what I was up to. Thus, I became very isolated.

 

I have some friends from middle school and high school, too. But like you, they all have their own "happy" lives. Some have marriage and children, others are living the lives of partying 24/7 with friends. I'm not a party girl. I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs; so I don't fit into that category.

 

The happiest days of my life were when I was with my ex. And how he's gone. So I sit at home every night, with occasional chats on the phone or IM with friends. Not much of a life outside of school...and I'm getting to the point where I don't even care about school, because I don't see much of a future ahead of me.

 

*Sigh* Anyways...sorry to make that all about me. I guess I just wanted you to see that you're not alone in this situation. I hope things can get better for the rest of us (as well as others who live this sort of life). If not, then... I don't know.

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I can relate to your story.

 

For various reasons i was deeply shy for most of my entire school life and now am left with only a few friends who i don't see all that often.

 

I am tired of being lonely & have made it a focus to change. Firstly i have found things that i can do myself, to ease the time alone. My weekends usually consisted of staying home and not doing a whole lot. Now i've started reading, i make sure not to be lazy and attend the gym, shoot hoops and at the very least for the most part i am getting outside and my attention isn't on the fact i am alone & i have a chance to talk to others. Not sure what you get up to, but i feel as though it helps, keeping occupied and trying doing things you enjoy to do, even if it is by yourself.

 

What i am trying to do now when i am out/at work is to talk to more people, even if it's simple "hi, how are you" & from then try start a larger conversation. Completely avoided people & interaction hasn't helped me, i hope a change of attitude and trying to be more open with people will help change the situation i am in, hopefully make new friends etc..

 

Try keeping a positive attitude and don't let yourself get too down. I know last week, i was fairly happy all week, then on Thursday morning i had a dream about being lonely, and i woke up and felt depressed, i was really down but when i got to work i tried to keep at it, keep interacting, smiling, i think it's important to really focus in on just trying to change a bit, where as before i would of just kept to myself all day.

 

I wish i had the answers to truly help, but your story is so very much my story and i am also trying to figure it all out. Heres to better days ahead.

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If you want people to notice you, you have to be noticeable! I'm fairly outgoing, so I don't know what it is like to be shy. My brother is shy, and I can't figure out what he finds so terrifying about people! I always consider strangers as friends I haven't met yet. Try smiling at people and wishing them a good day. That's a good start. Also, dress in a style that is stylish, yet classy. That alone will get you noticed. Go out on your own and have a ball, scary I know, but it usually ends up being fun when you do it! It takes some effort to have a full life, but it is soooo worth it!

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Man, You really know how to be all sad and stuff.

 

First of all no ones out there is living perfect lives, i guarantee it. We all have our demons...they come with life.

 

Just make a genuine effort to make some change. The best way to do it IMO is to join the gym(and go), eat better, dress nice/ tidy and be positive.

 

Every time you find a negative point about something find a positive point about it. Slowly it'll all make a difference and you'll be happy and people will approach you.

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you have to put yourself out there!

 

I was/still am the same way, but I am getting better at putting myself out there and taking chances.

 

Your just going to have to ask people what they up to the up and coming weekend, get peoples emails or numbers and try to start conversations.

 

Easier said than done, but then again its not all that complicated, you just have to take the chance!

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Its out there, u just have to go get it. Its all the lifestyle people choose. my sister is never ever home except to sleep, and half the time not even that. she is always gone doing crap so for her to not have friends would present a problem.

 

me on the other hand, i dont get out except to work and occasionally for whatever, so i have significantly less friends. im shy, but if u continue to go around the same people, over time they will come to you.

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i'm PAINFULLY shy, but i'm never unnoticeable. i think they're separate things. a friend of mine isn't particularly shy, but she is probably the most unnoticeable person i've ever met. most of the time, when we hang out (in a group of 3... so its not a big group at all) we pretty much ignore her. even when she says something, it's never interesting. she doesn't bother with ... anything. her hair, clothes, face is always a mess, she looks like a cat lady. she complains a lotttttttt, she acts like things just 'happen' to her, instead of taking responsibility for them. (omg, my alarm didn't go off AGAIN! - for the 3857382th time... like what the hell? get a new alarm clock then?!), she's judgmental ( about things that are really small/petty/none of her dang business!), she's also really petty (she keeps a score in her head about things... she thinks people don't notice... but they do, and it's not so much that it matters but it's an annoyance so it makes people not want to care). i think this makes her so unnoticeable/easy to ignore. she acts like she has NOTHING in that brain of hers.

 

the other day, she was complaining about how most people don't even recognize her. we've been in the same classes for 2 years! our university is really small. having said that, i like the girl. i don't mind her but i wouldn't ask her to hang out.

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