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Please talk me out of accepting her friendship with the guy she cheated on me with!


Monster

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Kind of a continuation from my old thread... but i don't want to dig it up.

 

I miss my wife. I wanted a normal family, i wanted my daughter to have both parents growing up.

 

I was ready to join the Air Force and give us all a better life before I found out about her cheating.

 

She says now they are just friends and it was a huge mistake, and they want to keep it at a friend level to not ruin what they have. She moved out we've been separate since February, and now he lost his job and apartment and is sleeping on her couch.

 

She refuses to remove him from her life. Even if they are just friends, i think its horribly disrespectful and shows her lack of caring about our marriage by being friends with the person she cheated with (who used to be my best friend, and is the one who introduced us btw) and to even go so far as bringing him into her home.

 

I'm seriously contemplating giving in, and trusting her again. for the good of our family. but i fear it's only a matter of time. especially if im away in the military for long periods.

 

I'm so sad and scared and pissed off. My whole life is practically a standstill, my future has been thrown away.I have no drive, no ambition. sigh.

 

Im just rambling because there is so much in my head but i cant make it coherent.

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It is disrespectful to remain friends with the man she cheated on you with.

 

Not ruin what they have? How about not ruin what she has with her husband?!

Exactly - she is prioritising him over you. Not cool and not acceptable.

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But what if i suck up my pride, and they are telling the truth, and were able to be happy and move forward and have a good life? see, i'm sick of going back and forth, this goes on all day long in my head.

 

What if you "suck it up" and they get together again? How happy of a life will that be?

 

A wife that wants to make it work especially after cheating DOES a lot of work to make it work & that doesn't include keeping the other man around, friends or anything else! To me she doesn't seem ready or commited enough to make this marriage work.

 

Oh yea & tell her when he's packed up, moved out & completely out of her life to give you a call. BUT maybe by then you will have someone else sleeping on your "couch"

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But what if i suck up my pride, and they are telling the truth, and were able to be happy and move forward and have a good life? see, i'm sick of going back and forth, this goes on all day long in my head.

 

If someone cheated on me, you would bet your bacon that they'd be crawling at my feet, worshipping my words, and doting on me completely if they wanted me back. She doesnt sound like she's showing true remorse.

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If someone cheated on me, you would bet your bacon that they'd be crawling at my feet, worshipping my words, and doting on me completely if they wanted me back. She doesnt sound like she's showing true remorse.

 

It sounds as if you are doing all the work...where is her effort?

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It's absolutely disrespectful to you and ridiculous that she wants to remain friends with the guy she cheated with. If she has to see him for some reason, that is one thing (as in required to by her job, the law, or some other such obligation). But there is no need to be friends.

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Your title says it all. You know you can't (and should not!) accept this arrangement. Give yourself the respect you deserve and present her with an ultimatum. She's showing no remorse or regret here. They can never go back to being friends. There was a hidden agenda on one or both their parts; they wanted one another for sex. You don't flip that light switch off so easily. If she wants you, she can't have him. Period.

 

Come on. You deserve more than this. Back straight, chest out, and chin up.

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That's absurd. Who is to say that if you leave your wife officially (she's already gone... so I don't see how making it official changes the circumstances to your child) that your child will only have one parent!?

 

I'm a product of divorce and honestly what is so silly about parents staying to gether for the sake of the kid is stupid. The kid knows you're unhappy, the kid knows the mom likes the other guy more than a friend. The kid knows you don't trust her. How's that benifiting the child? It doesn't. You're doing more harm than good. You give the child an idea that it's okay that mommy doesn't love daddy. You let the kid see that relationship are not based on love and respect.

 

Look at the situation, she's already left. What is different if you divorce? Your wife continues her "friendship" (uhh, yeah right btw) with the other guy. Your child is still between households. You can show your child wonderful parenting. And you can be a better parent just by being happy. That means not forced to trust a situation that seems obviously untrustable.

 

Yes, it will happen again.

 

Your child doesn't need two parents in the same house hold. Your child needs love from both parents and a relationship between them that mutually agrees on the best interests of the child. Notice I don't mention they need to be married?

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Of course not, don't accept this, you must love this woman tons (or have been totally hornswoggled by her) to even consider it. Get a better quality wife, the mere fact that this one actually expects you to accept this arrangement says all you need to know about her quality level and common sense.

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Well never mind you don't have to tell me anything more. I confirmed the th truth yesterday. They are considering themselves a couple and are sleeping together

The messages I read made me want to puke. We are done and will never be together again. Guess its time for me to move over to the divorce forum

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If my fiance told me that she wanted to have anything at all to do with a man whom she cheated on me with... and I mean ANYTHING, emails, calls, text messages, post cards, you name it. I would tell her not to let the door hit her on the way out. Good bye, good riddance.

 

Even asking to have any association with a past 'other man' is such a breach of ethics, and respect and decency that its not even funny. So if simply asking for that step is so bad, its even worse for her to actually do it... and worse yet to imagine that you could ever in your right mind be accepting of it.

 

Tell her that when she comes back from planet youhavelostyourmindcrazywoman and shes ready to work on your marriage on planet earth you two can talk.

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Exactly - she is prioritising him over you. Not cool and not acceptable.

 

Agreed. Why are you still even pining over this piece of trash? Family obligations? Screw that. The kids come first and you can't give them that if she's emotionally terrorizing you. You'll all be better off if you remove her from your life. Period. The less contact you have with her the sooner you'll be able to move on, and THAT'S what's going to benefit your kids the most.

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Well never mind you don't have to tell me anything more. I confirmed the th truth yesterday. They are considering themselves a couple and are sleeping together

The messages I read made me want to puke. We are done and will never be together again. Guess its time for me to move over to the divorce forum

 

Although I am sorry to hear this I'm glad you intercepted this communique. At least you confirmed what your gut was telling you. Do your best to move on and put this in your past as well as you can. This is her loss and her choice, not yours.

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If my fiance told me that she wanted to have anything at all to do with a man whom she cheated on me with... and I mean ANYTHING, emails, calls, text messages, post cards, you name it. I would tell her not to let the door hit her on the way out. Good bye, good riddance.

 

Even asking to have any association with a past 'other man' is such a breach of ethics, and respect and decency that its not even funny. So if simply asking for that step is so bad, its even worse for her to actually do it... and worse yet to imagine that you could ever in your right mind be accepting of it.

 

Tell her that when she comes back from planet youhavelostyourmindcrazywoman and shes ready to work on your marriage on planet earth you two can talk.

 

 

I still get a ton of text messages from a girl who is engaged and also pregnant where i was the other guy in the relationship. I kind of feel bad for her fiance.

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I still get a ton of text messages from a girl who is engaged and also pregnant where i was the other guy in the relationship. I kind of feel bad for her fiance.

 

send her a one way trip to karma town... call her fiance and tell him whats up!

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Well never mind you don't have to tell me anything more. I confirmed the th truth yesterday. They are considering themselves a couple and are sleeping together

The messages I read made me want to puke. We are done and will never be together again. Guess its time for me to move over to the divorce forum

 

Wow. That just makes me feel sick. She sounds incredibly selfish. I'm glad you did not accept her "friendship" with him. She was clearly trying to play you for a fool. Good for you for not letting that happen.

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What To Do If They Cheat - Do this ...
What To Do If They Cheat - Do this First

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