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am i being duped?


jsnap75

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Hey everyone, this is my first post so wanted to say thanks for any and all feedback.....

 

Been in a relationship w/ my gf for almost 4 months. Overall, I would say we have a pretty solid relationship. One thing keeps popping up though. She started to date a Navy friend of her brother just before we met. Their relationship did not take off b/c he lives in Mississippi and she lives in Chicago. Long story short, they dated a few times, she went to visit him then we met. She told me when we first started dating she would have moved down to Mississippi to be closer to him if we had not met and started dating.

 

So like I said, we have been dating for almost 4 months now. A few days ago, I uploaded some pics on Facebook of the two of us and noticed there were "new" pics of my gf and this guy from one of her visits to see him. Turns out he uploaded some pics a few days ago and tagged her in the photos. You could tell the two had a connection, one of the pics had her wearing a short skirt with her leg wrapped around his waist and his hand holding her leg. I was taken back a little bit just by the nature of the photos and the fact that she would keep them up even though we have an established exclusive relationship. I totally would have understood if they had been on her profile before we started dating though. I asked her about the "new" pics and her reply was "okay, i did not post them". I did not say much more because I felt she was aware of the pics and not really concerned about the interpretation that it gave me.

 

Anyway, a few weeks ago, before I noticed the pics she mentioned this guy was coming to visit her brother during the summer and she would probably go out with them. She asked how I felt about it and I told her it definitely did not make me feel comfortable, especially since they dated and had been intimate.

 

I wish she would take the pics down just b/c it feels disrespectful but she makes her own choices. I feel like she is not doing so b/c it would be a slap in this other guys face if she did and she does not really want to alienate him, or so that is how I feel. Anyway, I hope I do not come accross as being jealous but I know she dated other men before me but splashing pics accross her profile 4 months later does not make me feel too secure about where we are right now. I can assure you she would have something to say if she were in my shoes.....

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welcome to enotalone - well, i don't blame you for being bothered about this photo, i would be too. yeah, it does sound like she is holding out hope for this guy maybe hoping that they might get back together or something in the future? how is she as a gf towards you? besides this, do you guys have any issues? i don't recommend breaking up over 1 face book photo, but yeah, i would definitely be bothered by this if i were in your position.

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She is very loving, caring and affectionate to me. Really we have few issues and when they arise, I point out my concerns and she usually acknowledges them. This situation is unique in the aspect that I am not controlling and absolutely do not want to come accross as the jealous type. I am equally respectful and courteous to her and only accept the same in return.

 

I have no intention of asking her to take the pictures down. I plan to tell her how this makes me fell, then go from there.

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im sure some people would have mixed opinions on this but here is my opinion. The way i look at it is that she is exclusive with you now meaning she should not be hanging out with someone she used to date or was intimate with. Thats just common respect. Now, if she wanted you to go with her then that might be better but ackward at the same time. I guess it depends on how secure you are with her and your relationship. If she doesnt invite you i would be uncomfortable with that too. she has to look at it from your perspective. Dont let it start big fights but try to calmly communicate about it. My girl is friends with people she has slept with in the past and so am i. We made it clear and ok to one another that they are just friends and nothing more. Friends sometimes get drunk and hook up. it happenes, then you realize it was just sex and nothing else. then again everyones different but keep us posted.

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my gf requested when we started to date that we not hang out one on one w/ people who are interested in dating us out of respect for the other person. her exact quote was, ""i don't think it would be healthy for us to hang out alone with people we know want to get in our pants". i totally agreed w/ this as it seemed logical and respectful. she said she learned a long time ago after she ended a relationship that all of her male friends were interested in dating her as soon as she was single.

 

i am by no means jealous, just a little hurt. i would never force a decision out of her. i think she needs to make her own decision then if things do not work out then so be it. and if they do, that's even better.

 

so what i do not get is why she would leave the pics up and why she would suggest the above then want to hang out w/ this guy when he visits.

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my gf requested when we started to date that we not hang out one on one w/ people who are interested in dating us out of respect for the other person. her exact quote was, ""i don't think it would be healthy for us to hang out alone with people we know want to get in our pants". i totally agreed w/ this as it seemed logical and respectful. she said she learned a long time ago after she ended a relationship that all of her male friends were interested in dating her as soon as she was single.

 

So, in reality, when she said "We should not hang out one on one with people interested in dating us" she meant "You should not hang out one on one with people interested in dating you but it's OK if I do it?" I understand that her brother is going to be there but it is still somewhat hypocritical.
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so what i do not get is why she would leave the pics up and why she would suggest the above then want to hang out w/ this guy when he visits.

 

I think you already 'get it' but are looking for an alternative answer. But I don't have one sorry, I think the same as you do..

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i get it, i really do.

 

i planned on having a talk with her this weekend about the situation. i agree this is very hypocritical. in fact, a plutonic female friend of mine was texting me about our rival baseball teams a few nights ago. my gf got upset b/c i was texting another female, even though they have met and she is only and always will be a plutonic friend.

 

i felt she might be somehwat insecure. maybe she is using this guy to make me jealous. who knows! all i know is what i am willing to accept and what i am not.

 

thanks for all of your feedback guys. going to have this talk sometime over the weekend and will let you know how things turn out. if you have any tips to broach the subject, please leave them for me. have a great weekend!

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