Cheating Boyfriend----Please help!

[Sara749]

Hi all, I am new to this forum, and I was hoping to get some advice on my situation.

 

My boyfriend and I have been going out for about 2 and a half years and we have never had any major issues or fights. My boyfriend originally lived in Canada, but moved to America to be closer to his mom about 3 years ago. He was quite the ladies man back in Canada, but he knew virtually nobody here, aside from his family and a few acquaintances when we first got together, but since then he's made more friends. We do not live together and we have only discussed plans of marriage for the future ( once I get done with school) Sorry for the details, but I feel I need to give some backstory here

 

Whenever we're together, he is the sweetest, kindest, most affectionate man I have ever seen in my life, and I have no doubts of cheating or infidelity on my mind. He doesn't even look at other women when we're together. The key words being "when we're together". However, I recently figured out his email password and checked it only to find that he is currently exchanging sexual emails and pictures with not only his most recent ex girlfriend, but various other women from his past.

 

 

In the emails to his ex, they mention how the webcam conversations were great, and all that. Upon finding these, my heart broke. I was completely shocked and devasted to find out he is cheating on me!

 

I don't know if I should confess to reading his emails and try to work it out or just dump him. I love him very much, but i don't know if I can ever trust him again. He had told me that he has cheated on his past girlfriends, but that he was "young and foolish" and has since changed his ways, so the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" is true in this case, and I am SURE he would do it again, if we talked about it.

 

 

I am so confused, I could use any advice or input. Thank you for taking the time to read through this.

[melrich]

I wouldn't tell him you saw the emails. Just end it and move on.....and be thankful you found out now and not in 5 years time.

[faithful14]

Hi Sara,

 

if you know you can't ever trust him again and you believe that he will continue to cheat, then just let him go. Breakups suck but you deserve to be with someone who will treat you like a princess. I mean, can you really stay with him and not always be wondering what kind of shady things he's doing behind your back? It would drive me nuts and drain me emotionally.

[OziJack]

I wouldn't tell him you saw the emails. Just end it and move on.....and be thankful you found out now and not in 5 years time.

 

Yep, just walk away, then cry and cuss and slobber all over your girlfriends , lick your wounds and eventually you will met a decent man who can keep it in his pants..

This guy is unmanly, and a flatout weasal.

 

You said it right when you said ,"Once a cheater always a cheater "

 

One last thing - they ALWAYS tell you how it is going to be if you really listen to their history.

He told you that he cheated on his previous girlfriends. I bet that you thought that it would be different with you .

Cheating is a compulsion and a character defect - it is not a little quirk that you can love him out of, like slurping his soup.

 

I feel for ya honey, nobody deserves to be lied to and betrayed like that.

[Day_Walker]

Save yourself the prolonged pain of dragging this relationship on. You know that you cannot trust this man and you have proof that he is a cheater, you need to have the strength to realize that this is not the kind of relationship you want to be in and break up with him.

[Miss Firecracker]

You've wasted a little time, that's all. It's a drop in the bucket.

 

Send him packing!!

[steelcitymstro]

 

Whenever we're together, he is the sweetest, kindest, most affectionate man I have ever seen in my life, and I have no doubts of cheating or infidelity on my mind. He doesn't even look at other women when we're together. The key words being "when we're together". However, I recently figured out his email password and checked it only to find that he is currently exchanging sexual emails and pictures with not only his most recent ex girlfriend, but various other women from his past.

 

 

In the emails to his ex, they mention how the webcam conversations were great, and all that. Upon finding these, my heart broke. I was completely shocked and devasted to find out he is cheating on me!

 

Sara, you sound like you're very sweet, but you need to wake up and smell the coffee. Really READ what you wrote above....all that this proves is that he is better at being deceptive and covering up his dirty work from you than the average cheating jerk.

 

You can do much much better, you should do better and you will do better. Dump him immediately, don't look back and find someone who will give you the respect you deserve.

[Binoo]

What made you check his e-mail?

 

Anyway, I suspected my ex of cheating, I checked his e-mail and found all the evidence I needed.

I confronted him about it and we worked it out [ until we eventually broke up a year later because this behaviour continued ].

 

If I had to do it all again, I would not have even said anything. I would have left without a word.

Your boyfriend deserves no explaination, no closure, no nothing. What he's done is unforgiveable and if you speak with him about this I can almost promise you that he will either blame you entirely or make you feel sorry for him.

Just leave. Don't even say goodbye.

[lavenderdove]

I amm sorry, but you've discovered his true character. People who have a repeated history of cheating have a very poor prognosis for stopping... He is getting ego gratification and has learned all kinds of tricks on how to be a very very good cheater and hard to get caught, which is why it took you 2.5 years to do so.

 

Lying is second nature to cheaters, since they have to do it in order to cheat. So he lied about cheating, and he also lied about having 'learned' not to cheat. So lies upon lies, while he blithely goes off and does what he wants.

 

Most cheaters are perfectly happy in their primary relationship, but enjoy the hunt/chase/undercover activities cheating involves. It is quite exciting for them to pull it off. But that is counterproductive to you trying to live an ordinary life, when he likes to run around and cheat.

 

So nothing in this for you... i suggest you just tell him what you discovered and break it off and find someone who won't cheat, and who doesn't have a history of prior cheating since past behavior is a good predictor of future behavior, as you have sadly discovered.

[Sara749]

Thank you all for your prompt replies and advice! I have already made plans to speak with my boyfriend this Sunday, until then, I am not turning my phone on or speaking with him.

 

I have decided to leave him, and I will not give him a chance to explain. Nothing he could say would make me feel better and like lavenderdove said"Most cheaters are perfectly happy in their primary relationship, but enjoy the hunt/chase/undercover activities cheating involves. It is quite exciting for them to pull it off. But that is counterproductive to you trying to live an ordinary life, when he likes to run around and cheat." I definitely think this was the case here. He is a star athlete and loves games of all kinds, I know this cheating and running around behind my back feeds his desire of winning and all that.

 

I am completely heart broken, but thanks to everyone on this forum, I have realized I do deserve better, and there are good people out there. After this, I am going to take some time for myself and just do things for me, and get myself together.

 

 

Once again, thank you all for your words of advice and encouragement. They have really helped guide me in the correct path when I was completely lost. I'm going to gather my thoughts and what I will say on Sunday now, so I'm off...thank you for everything!!!!!

[Miss Firecracker]

Good luck, Sara!

 

You've saved yourself a lifetime of drama and heartache.

[Rabican]

I was going to suggest confronting him and telling him you know, but not how you know. But after thinking about it for a minute... whats the chance you would ever know if he stopped and was being faithful... probably he wouldnt.

 

So you are doing the best thing by just telling him its over. Im not sure if you should even waste the effort in telling him why... I guess it cant hurt either way.