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Too early to ask? Female opinions please


USARM

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Two months ago I was seeing someone, things were going well between us, however, there were some outside factors that made it unbearable so we let off, but still talking/seeing each other. The outside things have let off now, we see each other nearly daily (going to the gym or out) and speak/text a couple of times a day. Is it too early to ask if things could start up again (I was thinking a simple asking her out for dinner, making it clear it was just us - we often go out with friends too). Before we had agreed that neither of us were just looking for some 'fun' and had discussed the summer (I'm away for 2 months but we'll be seeing each other in the middle for a few days) and said how neither would be looking for someone else. We're really great friends now, but the question is, is it too early to ask her out again? Should I, or wait until the summer or until I get back? Seeing as we see each other a lot, I take that as something promising, or am I reading into it too much? Advice appreciated. Thanks.

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I think it depends on a few things -

 

why didn't it work out the first time?

was it a mutual break up?

did you have a period of no-contact?

does she contact you a lot?

 

Answering these questions might help to better establish whether you have been 'friend zoned'..

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I think it depends on a few things -

 

why didn't it work out the first time?

was it a mutual break up?

did you have a period of no-contact?

does she contact you a lot?

 

Answering these questions might help to better establish whether you have been 'friend zoned'..

 

Yes, we definitely need more details.

 

I find it interesting that you seemed to leave these details out...they're pretty vital to getting a clear and concise answer. Were you leaving them out because you're afraid they'll cause us to respond with an answer you're not wanting to hear?

 

Just wondering...I know a lot of people on these boards have left out significant details on purpose because they know, in turn, people will give them the advice they're afraid of hearing.

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Sorry, details left out was meant for it to be quicker to read and reply! I'm not hiding anything and can deal with whatever you think (or happens for that matter).

 

why didn't it work out the first time?

She was dealing with a LOT of work (Grad School) also closing off from someone else that she briefly saw but deeply regretted (her words not mine). I had recently (two months earlier) broken up with my ex and she was being a pain - really horrible threats, but she is not in the equation anymore.

 

was it a mutual break up?

Yes, we both thought that it was best as things were too chaotic, although I wanted it to continue, it was best for us both to leave it for a while.

 

did you have a period of no-contact?

a while, a couple of weeks of less contact but we were still seeing each other now and then and spoke somewhat - not every day

 

does she contact you a lot?

Yes. Calls for random things she sees or is told by friends, when she is upset (her gran is Ill and some other personal things, regular texts and she often starts the 'chat' on facebook, although I ring/text her too. She always asks if I want to go to the gym with her and I'm one of the first people she invites to any social thing and usually tells me any news etc first. She calls me a lot more now that things have settled down though than when there were problems.

 

That cover it all?

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thanks for giving us the extra details.

 

I think it's great that you have maintained a friendship after the dating part didn't work out. i take it she was aware that your didn't want it to end?

 

sometimes things don't work out, for whatever reason, but feelings don't just go away. it seems like the timing was off the first time you dated and

you both still like each other. now the timing is right!!!

 

i would go for it, before it's too late, on the off chance she meets someone else, or she doesn't think you are interested anymore, so she moves on..

 

more importantly, are you confident of a positive response if you do ask her out???? listen to your gut feeling..

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needafriend - yes I'm pretty confident of a positive response. If not, there is very little chance of us not staying friends, as much as I want something to happen, I haven't just been speaking/comforting her all the time to improve my chances, just as a friend.

 

Well, I guess I'll see how it goes....

 

Thanks again.

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