AlwayzRight Posted April 24, 2009 Share Posted April 24, 2009 Ok .....Ex dumped me 6 months ago, we were together for 3.5 years, havent talked to her in 5 months, she was with some guy about a month after we broke up...anyways shE called me about 3 weeks ago and left a message to call her back, I did a couple times but she never responsed.....Heres my background story..... Anyways TODAY for some weird reason I felt like I had to call her and I left a message...she called me right back...she acted excited and happy to hear from me and then she started crying and apologizing for the way she treated me when we broke up and I told her it was not needed..etc...Anyways she told me she was dumped last night and now knows how it feels and knows how I must of been feeling...etc...she then wondered if we could ever be friends and I told her that I honestly didnt know we ever could. we then started asking me questions about what this guys actions meant and I basically told her the truth that he was treating her like crap, she didnt deserve it, because this guy basically was. We then started talking about what we have been up to, how are families are doing, etc and then we started just basically having a conversation ,laughing and enjoying each others company, just like old times....she then asked me if I would like to meet her for lunch in a couple days and I said I would like to and told her I would call her in few days to set something up..I also told her she could call me anytime before then if she needed to talk because she was really sad about getting dumped and telling me how sorry she was for what she did because she now knows how I must of felt. We had about an hour converstation and it is the first time I have talked to her in 5 months. Guys, she thinks I am over her but I still LOVE this girl and I want her back! Where do I go from here???????????? She wants me to call her in a couple days to set up something to meet for lunch...what is considered a "couple days 2-3? Also what should I do when I meet her etc.....she doesnt know I want her back, how do I go about handling all of this. PLEASE HELP! Link to comment
cl76 Posted April 24, 2009 Share Posted April 24, 2009 Looks to me that she wants a friend and you want a lover. Do you see where you're headed? Don't take my word for it, find out for yourself if you must. Link to comment
longdist Posted April 24, 2009 Share Posted April 24, 2009 Looks to me that she wants a friend and you want a lover. Do you see where you're headed? Don't take my word for it, find out for yourself if you must. Yep. Regardless, she only came to you after being dumped. How does that make you feel? Do you think you really want to keep in contact with this girl? Let her get her priorities straight and then reconsider after another 5 months down the road. If you did get back together it would be for the wrong reasons on her side and would probably not last long. Link to comment
AlwayzRight Posted April 24, 2009 Author Share Posted April 24, 2009 here is the thing though...she kept comparing things that this guy did to how I did things and kept saying how I never did or would have never done some of the crap that he did to her and when she was apoligizing to me for the way our breakup happened it was almost like she saying sorry for everything bad that happened in our relationship....see we WERE best friends and lovers....... I am confused.....should I send her a text tomorrow asking her how she is doing? Link to comment
nomorelovish Posted April 24, 2009 Share Posted April 24, 2009 I think that the fact she called you RIGHT after she was dumped should send up a huge red flag. If I were you I would proceed with caution. You've agreed to set up lunch with her, so you shouldn't go back on your word, but I would give it a little bit more time especially since you still have feelings for her. Link to comment
AlwayzRight Posted April 24, 2009 Author Share Posted April 24, 2009 I think that the fact she called you RIGHT after she was dumped should send up a huge red flag. If I were you I would proceed with caution. You've agreed to set up lunch with her, so you shouldn't go back on your word, but I would give it a little bit more time especially since you still have feelings for her. I called her today....she called me right back. Link to comment
cl76 Posted April 24, 2009 Share Posted April 24, 2009 The first thing someone does in a rebound is compare their ex to the new person of interest (you). The second thing they will do is use you to ease their pain by confiding in you, they may even sleep with you. It may appear that things are going fantastic. The third thing they will do is run back to their ex leaving you high and dry without explanation. Seen it before. Will it be the case with you? I don't know but the signs are definitely there. You two need to have an honest talk about what your expectations are. Link to comment
longdist Posted April 24, 2009 Share Posted April 24, 2009 The advice looks really good here so far. I would take heed. You may want to use the lunch to communicate and tell her why you won't be talking to her for awhile. Tell her now is not the time to make decisions on either side. Let the dust settle, as they say. I know it's very, very, very tempting to jump in. Just listen to the advice here first and take it for face value, but definitely keep it in your mind. Link to comment
Girl wants EX Posted April 24, 2009 Share Posted April 24, 2009 I'm sorry to say that, but she uses you as rebound for the moment. Of course I can't tell if she still loves you or not. But from my experience, I called my ex-ex 1 minute after I got dumped by my recent ex. Somehow, the ex-ex was the first person popped in my mind. I think you need some time to know what she wants from you, and she also needs some time to figure out whom she actually loves. From the way you described how she compared you with her ex, this can be understood as she was telling herself, she got someone better available than that guy who dumped her, so she felt less rejected. That was how I felt when I talked to my ex-ex about my ex. I felt I needed to say something bad about my ex to feel better, since I loved my ex-ex for long time also he was my best friend when we dated. Link to comment
AlwayzRight Posted April 24, 2009 Author Share Posted April 24, 2009 The first thing someone does in a rebound is compare their ex to the new person of interest (you). The second thing they will do is use you to ease their pain by confiding in you, they may even sleep with you. It may appear that things are going fantastic. The third thing they will do is run back to their ex leaving you high and dry without explanation. Seen it before. Will it be the case with you? I don't know but the signs are definitely there. You two need to have an honest talk about what your expectations are. She has been with this guy for 5 months. She was with me for 3.5 years. Link to comment
AlwayzRight Posted April 24, 2009 Author Share Posted April 24, 2009 Did you ever want togoback to your ex ex or even consider it after you called him? Link to comment
cl76 Posted April 24, 2009 Share Posted April 24, 2009 She has been with this guy for 5 months. She was with me for 3.5 years. Does she love you in a romantic sense? Who is she attracted to? Link to comment
Girl wants EX Posted April 24, 2009 Share Posted April 24, 2009 Did you ever want togoback to your ex ex or even consider it after you called him? No. Because he is with someone else, and I usually lose feelings completely for an ex who has a new gf. Link to comment
agtc Posted April 24, 2009 Share Posted April 24, 2009 Yep. Regardless, she only came to you after being dumped. How does that make you feel? Do you think you really want to keep in contact with this girl? Let her get her priorities straight and then reconsider after another 5 months down the road. If you did get back together it would be for the wrong reasons on her side and would probably not last long. Yes, THIS! Link to comment
AlwayzRight Posted April 24, 2009 Author Share Posted April 24, 2009 the thing is she asked me a couple times if I was seeing anyone or dating and when i I told her no that I was single and having fun she seemed pleasantly surprised...I think she had what they call on here the GIGS.... Any more thoughts on how I should move forward????? Link to comment
cl76 Posted April 24, 2009 Share Posted April 24, 2009 Just have an honest talk to her about what her intentions are. Be direct, you don't want to be hurt again on a whim. Link to comment
AlwayzRight Posted April 24, 2009 Author Share Posted April 24, 2009 Just have an honest talk to her about what her intentions are. Be direct, you don't want to be hurt again on a whim. I think thats what I am gonna do.....So I talked to her Thursday and she told me to call her in a couple days to set up lunch...do I call her Saturday or Sunday? Link to comment
jasav1 Posted April 24, 2009 Share Posted April 24, 2009 Personally I wouldn't do anything. But you're determined soul, I can see that. I would just go for lunch and I wouldn't act serious. If anything, I'd act disinterested to be honest. Keep it short and sweet, show your face and go home. Link to comment
Pandaman211 Posted April 24, 2009 Share Posted April 24, 2009 Shes re-rebounding until she finds someone else to replace you Link to comment
AlwayzRight Posted April 24, 2009 Author Share Posted April 24, 2009 Personally I wouldn't do anything. But you're determined soul, I can see that. I would just go for lunch and I wouldn't act serious. If anything, I'd act disinterested to be honest. Keep it short and sweet, show your face and go home. Why act disinterested??????? Link to comment
AlwayzRight Posted April 24, 2009 Author Share Posted April 24, 2009 Shes re-rebounding until she finds someone else to replace you This girl wanted me to marry her and when I finally came around there were issues especially on my end that that I did not fix so I lost her. Over these 6 months I have corrected these issues. I am a changed man and she would see that. She may be rebounding now but it does say something that I am the first person that she wanted to talk to...it almost sees like she regretted breaking up with me and if she sees that I am a changed person, to the person that she fell in love things I dont know if that would happen. Link to comment
Pandaman211 Posted April 25, 2009 Share Posted April 25, 2009 This girl wanted me to marry her and when I finally came around there were issues especially on my end that that I did not fix so I lost her. Over these 6 months I have corrected these issues. I am a changed man and she would see that. She may be rebounding now but it does say something that I am the first person that she wanted to talk to...it almost sees like she regretted breaking up with me and if she sees that I am a changed person, to the person that she fell in love things I dont know if that would happen. Its good you guys had a good talk. But you called her, at least in your post, you said something felt right so you called her. She didn't call you. Its unknown whether she really wanted to talk to you first or not, people say thing when they are in the midst of emotional turmoil. When you guys were talking, you mentioned how she started talking about him, and what it meant when he did this and that. So basically, shes not over him. If she felt comfortable enough to talk to you about him after all you guys have been through, and RANDOMLY, after basically 5 months excluding that call which she flaked out on, its not serious. Maybe you guys will get back together, but it would never last. Her talking to you for some time about her recent ex just proves it. Shes distraught from being broken up with. Now she feels bad for you because thats how you felt. It really is simple. You can criticize me and say everything is different, and everything and everyone is, I agree. But in the big scheme of things, way too many signs that this would never be serious, and shes somewhat unstable. I'm not trying to be mean at all. But this is a pretty clear cut to me. Also, you guys aren't together anymore. So it doesn't matter what you guys said about having kids, houses, cars, and married together. It doesn't. Its nothing. Thats what you guys said WHILE you were together. You guys are not together. That changes EVERYTHING, that changes the whole dynamic, and when the relationship is broken, so are things like that. For you to still have that in your mind and hold on to it is going to hurt you in the long run. It really wouldn't last if it worked again. She is just going to jump to someone else. Don't waste your time. I say this being aware of the fact that you probably will. Link to comment
AlwayzRight Posted April 25, 2009 Author Share Posted April 25, 2009 Pandaman I appreciate the advice. But shouldnt one fight at all for the person that they love if they are given a chance...no matter how slim it is???????? If I do nothing, not even try at all. I feel I may regret it for the rest of my life. Link to comment
Pandaman211 Posted April 25, 2009 Share Posted April 25, 2009 Pandaman I appreciate the advice. But shouldnt one fight at all for the person that they love if they are given a chance...no matter how slim it is???????? If I do nothing, not even try at all. I feel I may regret it for the rest of my life. Then you should go for it if you'll regret it. But it seems you havent really moved on, and judging by your last thread, youre still somewhat clingy and attached to her. And it'll never work out like that. Link to comment
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