Lauren.xo Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 I need help I don't know why, but my boyfriend always makes me so jealous with things he does. When we first started dating he made me feel like I was the only girl and that I was so beautiful.. It isn't that way anymore. We are two years into our relationship and it has been quite rocky.. Last December he broke my heart REALLY bad and then we got back together in February.. We are in a long distance relationship, but I came to visit him for a few months since the end of February... There has been no cheating in our relationship and I am sure 100%.. But lately he will always comment on "hot girls" on TV shows, or if he sees there boobs or legs he will go "mm".. even if its a TV show it bothers me.. We even went to the circus a few days ago and when the show girls came out he STOOD up and clapped (I think it was to make his friends laugh but it still makes me feel horrible).... Now I look in the history of our computer (not intentially- we have a mac and it was a mistake I saw what I saw) and I see he looks at all this pictures of celebrities like Pamela Anderson and so on... He even watches porn (when I am back in Canada) and he KNOWS it bothers me but says that I have to deal with it if I want to stay with him.. Just yesterday we were sitting on the couch and he shows me a picture of two girls on the computer and he says "what do u think of them".. I answer "Not pretty" (I was being jealous) and he goes "NO they are smokkking hot"... WHEN he KNOWS I get upset over this... EVEN when we were lying in bed talking he says "Do you remember SCLUB7.. I used to be obsessed with Rachell and thought she was the hottest thing"... ITS like it DOESNT stop... and it is making me get mad and frustrated with him ALL the time... Am I being way unreasonable? Should I just settle for this.. Is this normal behavior Lauren Link to comment
vertigoxo Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 Honey, I was once in a relationship like your's- It was nothing but drama since day 1. It was my ex and I, and then 2189281922181 other girls flirting with him, trying to make him break up with me, being mean to me, etc. And my ex would flirt with them back and make them a priority over me sometimes. So guess what? I moved on and didn't look back. I'm not saying you should break up with him, but he does sound like a conceited little boy. Have a serious talk with him and if he doesn't change, ask for a break- This might wake him up a little. Link to comment
Lauren.xo Posted April 23, 2009 Author Share Posted April 23, 2009 It is NEVER girls on msn (he never goes on msn, and has 0 on there) he he has 0 girls on his phone.. So when I confront him that it bothers me he only tells me to "grow up, every guy does it, and its celebrities etc"... So he makes me feel he is right.. Thanks for your response.. I really feel I can't do it anymore.. I want to feel like im so special to a person.. and I don't feel this way with him. I do everything to make him happy .. I cook,clean.. cater to him (when were together)... and he never says things like I love you to me... he just says "I should know it after two years and if I don't, its my fault"... He just calls me a "drama Queen" when I get upset and tell him how I feel.... Link to comment
chai714 Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 What's normal: him watching porn when you're gone, him looking up women on Internet and having a particular celebrity he likes. These are things that are common and what I consider to be "normal." What's disrespectful: him gawking at women in front of you, repeatedly. What would happen if you reacted differently to him gawking? For example, what if you gawked at a guy on TV, how might he react? Test him out and watch his reaction. Link to comment
amipushy Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 What's normal: him watching porn when you're gone, him looking up women on Internet and having a particular celebrity he likes. These are things that are common and what I consider to be "normal." What's disrespectful: him gawking at women in front of you, repeatedly. What would happen if you reacted differently to him gawking? For example, what if you gawked at a guy on TV, how might he react? Test him out and watch his reaction. I agree. I would so start doing that to him. I would behave in exactly the same manner and if he didnt take the hint and change his ways, I'd have to walk. Link to comment
Lauren.xo Posted April 23, 2009 Author Share Posted April 23, 2009 I have actually done it to him... and he says he doesn't like it and for me to stop... and I then say "now you know how I feel" and he goes, "yes I am sorry".. BUT then he doesn't stop himself... Link to comment
knightingale Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 The porn thing is normal and something guys are just going to do. Porn is ridiculous, so don't worry about that unless it becomes or is some sort of addiction. Having a one or a few celebrity crushes is normal (my boyfriend looooooves Jessica Alba). Next time he does the ogling and commenting, just leave. You don't have to put up with anything you don't want to. When he asks why you're leaving just say you're sick of it and you're tired of him not being considerate about how it makes you feel. He can save that kind of gawking for when he hangs out with his friends. If you can't do it, neither can he. And if he's not going to yield to those rules, maybe it's time to reconsider the relationship. Link to comment
sparkles4 Posted April 24, 2009 Share Posted April 24, 2009 This guy sounds obnoxious and really immature. It's like he's in middle school and is just starting to discover women, is preoccupied with the female body and completely overreacts every time he sees an attractive one. He probably thinks he's proving his manhood or something by doing this, and doesn't realize how juvenile he looks, or how annoying it can be for the person he's with. Next time he acts like this, ask him how his thirteenth birthday was. Link to comment
Lauren.xo Posted April 24, 2009 Author Share Posted April 24, 2009 Thanks for the replies... So I am pretty tearful right now.. But I did end up talking to him... He basically told me I was being a drama queen about it. He said every guy does it and if the girl doesn't know about it the guys are just sneaking behind there backs and atleast he is being "honest" with me.... He then after a bit ended up saying sorry and that he wouldn't do it anymore.. But its hard to believe after he said "Fine i'll be like all the other guys and just sneak about it"... He makes me feel so small sometimes.. and always calls me drama... I am going back to my hometown soon, and thinking on calling it quits for good this time.. It just scares me and I have already felt heartbreak from him and I am not sure if I am strong enough... Link to comment
sparkles4 Posted April 26, 2009 Share Posted April 26, 2009 I think calling it quits might be a good decision. The fact that he calls you a "drama queen" every time you try to talk to him about this shows that he's belittling your feelings and doesn't really care. A decent guy would take his girlfriend's feelings more seriously and make a stronger effort to change his actions if he knew something he was doing was hurting her. Link to comment
knightingale Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 Ugh, just break up with him. He's being a complete ass and you don't need to put up with it. Boys will be boys, but men will be men. He seems to be stuck in the former mentality... Link to comment
Mavh25 Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 I'm sorry you may have to end it with him Lauren, I hope you feel ok with whatever you decide. If you tell him you don't want to be with him anymore, until he learns to change his ways, he may take you more seriously, but right now you stick around and you take it so he does'nt feel like he really needs to make that change for you. You really do need to step up, I know its so hard to convince yourself to do it, and not sweep it under the carpet. But you know he won't stop and he has no respect for you. Good luck Link to comment
ilovehim2009 Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 Yeah.. to openly oogle women in front of you is definitely disrespectful. Your man needs to save that stuff for hanging out with his guy friends. You can't expect him NOT to check out other women, have celebrity crushes or masturbate to porn, but it should not be done in front of you if he knows you are not comfortable with it. It also sounds like he's almost getting enjoyment out of making you jealous, perhaps due to insecurity on his own part? Needing reaffirmation that you still desire him. I wish you luck. It's definitely a very bad sign that he has such disregard for your feelings. Link to comment
Lauren.xo Posted May 7, 2009 Author Share Posted May 7, 2009 Thanks for the replies. Its weird and I do not understand it, but he told me he likes when I'm jealous.. I hate it.. The feeling I get is horrible. The other day we were at the movie store, everything was great and then I hear him go "we are so renting that!!!".. I looked at him and smiled and said which movie? He quickly turned away and put his body so I couldn't see and pointed to this series (which I knew he had never heard of before).. When he moved away I noticed right away the DVD had a picture of a girls boobs on front... He immediately said he was so sorry and that he forgot and was hugging me and kissing me... I let it go, because it isn't the biggest deal but still its like he has no concideration for me.. Another example is when we went to toys are us to get my little sister a gift, we were in the barbie section and he goes "omg that barbie is smoking"... Now I no its a barbie and I didn't even care at the time, but looking back now it makes me wonder why he even bothered to say it? Lately I'm having a lot of struggles with him. I know I love him greatly and I have always choose and put him before everything.. But it seems he takes me forgranted... I'm 20 and he is 23 and we are in a long distance relationship... I just got back from my visit and I let all my feelings out to him. I told him that I wanted a future and wanted to be with him and was willing to relocate to start my education where he is... (he makes a TON of money and I by no means want to live off him) but merely just live with him and do my education. He said no to this idea because I would lean on him too much. Fair enough I thought.. But I don't understand where the ending to the long distance will be? He talks about me in his future theoritcally but then he says things like, I'm going to buy an apartment next summer and maybe ill ask my brother to live with me.. I never hear him mention me in his future plans.. So I msged him a long msg explaining how I felt and that I needed answers to our future, and he doesn't reply.. 5 hours later I msg him "you always put me second in your life".. 3 hours later (after his day is done and he doesn't work in the summer so it wasn't like he was working) he says "sorry I was just so surprised and I don't no how to react or what to say"... It was late and I went to bed... His last text to me was "I love you".. I didn't answer, and he hasn't msged me anything since that last night... I just want to know if I'm being unfair to think that he takes me forgranted? I explain how I feel and he doesn't even answer back? He never calls or msgs me first.. He always tells me he is fine not talking to me because he knows he loves me.. How is this fair to me? I need a lot of help Link to comment
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