Merrick Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 This is a serious question...has anyone else been so incredibly hurt by a bad break up that it seemed that their heart wouldn't work anymore? I'm not in the fresh stages of a break up by no means. Its been about 14 months. It was EXTREMELY hard on me and honestly i only recently started dating again. I am interested in someone. He's an amazing man...good values...a good heart...a good job...owns a home and has his toys...you know...his stuff is together...not to mention his FREAKIN AMAZING BODY!!! Problem is...you know how when you fall for someone you feel that flutter in yoru heart? To me it always feels like i just fell in a love a little more and my heart grew when i have that feeling. But i find myself wondering why i don't feel that wtih this man...he's amazing and truly deserving..and i do like him and respect him a lot...but that feeling isn't there. Now i'm not sure if all that means is that i just don't jive wtih this man despite all his great qualities...or if that means that my heart is just so guarded that it won't LET me feel that anymore. Thought?? I don't wanna go through life with out ever having truly known the love of someone...and i'm afraid i'll push all the good people in my life out. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 That flutter feeling fades as we get older and more experienced. Try for the love that grows the longer you know someone. That is mature love. Link to comment
COtuner Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 I'm thinking you have not bonded with him enough to feel that yet. It could be because you're guarded, it could be lack of chemistry. Give it some time... Link to comment
COtuner Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 That flutter feeling fades as we get older and more experienced. Try for the love that grows the longer you know someone. That is mature love. And it's the worst kind to have unrequited.... Link to comment
hei Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 "Can a heart break so badly it doesn't work anymore?" Assuming you'd live forever, I do believe time heals all wounds, and that one will be able to love again eventually. Can take more years than one wants to imagine though. I got my first girlfriend when I was 14. We broke up when I was 15 1/2 or somewhere around there. I did not meet anyone I felt anything for up until august '08. I am now 23. Even if nothing happened between the two of us, I am very glad mine proved it's still alive and kicking. Link to comment
waveseer Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 And it's the worst kind to have unrequited.... Amen to that. Link to comment
OrangeMoon Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 Amen to that. Same here.. Go for it..if you feel he is worth it. Dont follow the feeling..the feeling will follow you.. Link to comment
sparkles4 Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 I don't know that it stops working, but in my experience it works differently. When I was young and my heart hadn't been hurt yet, I fell in and out of love easily. As I've gotten older, I've had good relationships and terrible ones, I've broken hearts and gotten mine broken, and every time it takes longer for me to develop feelings for someone. I don't think it means your heart doesn't work anymore, you've just grown up and learned that it can hurt to give your heart to someone, so it takes longer to fall in love to give you more time to determine if the person is good for you. Link to comment
Merrick Posted April 23, 2009 Author Share Posted April 23, 2009 I understand what everyone is saying. I think its important to point out that i am turning 30 and by no means fall in and out of love like i did when i was 16. This guy hurt me really badly after 4 years...talked of marriage and children, his family all loved me and i them. He had a drinking problem that he asked me to help him with b/c he knew he'd lose me and that he couldn't imagine living without me. He was either lying to me that whole time and just kept me around b/c he was proud of my being his gf since most poeple were shocked that i was with him...or he actually let the alcohol take over his life. I stayed as long as i could...till i realized that he was destroying me and sucking all the life i had outta me. I know i'm bitter and i will most likely never find it in me to forgive him totally...especially replacing me so quickly and his being sure that the first time i saw him and his woman...a mere month later at a wedding...he made sure to make out with her after looking me in the eyes. I loved him b/c i saw that little glimpse of the scared and sad man that he was and no longer wanted to be. But i couldn't save him since he didn't want to save himself. I'm just scared that it hurt SO BADLY that i'll never allow anyone close to me again. Its a sad though especially since this summer i'm going on my 8th wedding as a bridesmaid and EVERYONE has babies. I feel so behind for loving and trusting him...i'm afraid i won't get that stuff back in my life. Link to comment
knightingale Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 That flutter feeling fades as we get older and more experienced. Try for the love that grows the longer you know someone. That is mature love. That's how my current relationship is for me. I didn't get the flutters at first, and even now it's only sometimes. Heartbreak teaches you to pace yourself, and that's not a bad thing. Your heart still works, it's just running on manual instead of automatic. Link to comment
jul-els Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 Once you get hurt once or twice your heart becomes more guarded about opening up. Which is obviously a good thing. It's the wisdom that comes with experience. Maybe you just need more time with this person to decipher what your feelings really are. Link to comment
LittleLion24 Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 Here's a question that I always ask myself whenever I read stuff like "Its a sad though especially since this summer i'm going on my 8th wedding as a bridesmaid and EVERYONE has babies. I feel so behind for loving and trusting him...i'm afraid i won't get that stuff back in my life," why do you compare where you're at in your life with where other people are at in their lives? This is just a question for contemplation because I too, have been in a very similar situation so I completely relate to feeling left behind while everyone else around you is having babies, getting married etc. However, have you ever considered looking at this experience in a different way? I mean how many of the people around you can you say have had to go through something like you? Probably not many. But look at how much you have grown as a person and how much you have figured out about what you want in life and in a relationship. All of this growth is very beneficial although it might not seem like it after all the pain, heartache, and hurt. As for your ex hooking up with some girl so quickly after you broke up and making it public in front of you, that's just a rebound. And in my experience guys who do that so quickly do it so that they don't have to deal with the hurt and pain of realizing that they just screwed up the best thing that has ever happened to them. But don't worry it eventually catches up with them and they have to deal with the hurt and pain just like you have except it's worse for them because they have to live with the fact that it's their fault for screwing it up and not yours. Please don't compare yourself and what you don't have with the others around you. It's so self-destructive and bad for your self-esteem and confidence. There are no rules in life as to what you're supposed to do, have, etc. in your life and when and how. Instead accept the fact that you're unique and different and have a different way of doing things that may at times make you feel 'left behind' etc. but in reality that's not true because you are becoming stronger, more confident, and more comfortable with your true self. And yes, your heart does still work. You just have to want it to work before it can work again. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.