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Obsessing and agonizing if ex is with someone else..


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I'm sitting here agonizing with all these thoughts about why my ex just lost interest in me. I'm also sitting here in paranoia wondering if he's going to get back with his ex girlfriend since he's ironically moving to the same place she's moving to a month from now. He says that he was too busy for a relationship and he needs to focus on himself blah blah blah but I know it was more to it than that. I just feel that there is but apart of me wants the know the answer. I know he won't be truthful with me.

 

I keep having these mental images with him laying up with some new girl & him meeting someone else. I keep wondering if he's going to get back with his ex. All these thoughts are bordering being obsessive and I know it's not healthy for me to worry so much over it. I know since we're not together anymore, his life is no longer any of my business but I can't help but wonder what is going through his head & if he's with someone else.

 

I don't know what's it going to take for me to get him out of my head. Even when I'm out, I still find myself wondering and asking myself these stupid thoughts..

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It takes TIME. I know you probably heard that one before, but believe you me, it will get easier for you to focus on things other than him. I am sorry you are going thru this right now. Surround yourself with people as much as you can and stay busy. Come here and vent...you mentioned that you know he will not be truthful with you, so dont put yourself in a position where you are depending on his answers to get thru the day. You are just giving him more control over you...Just go completely NC.

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I can understand this Ms lady. Without proper closure this is pretty normal.

I think if you found out his ex was fat and ugly it might not be so hard to get over.lol

so maybe visualizing something like that might help.

 

 

I've seen his ex before!! She was beautiful and they share major history together. High school sweethearts, how can I compete with that.

 

I know he's getting back with her, why move to the exact same place as her and yet they're friends.. yeah right. I know they're getting a place together. I was just the rebound girl

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It takes TIME. I know you probably heard that one before, but believe you me, it will get easier for you to focus on things other than him. I am sorry you are going thru this right now. Surround yourself with people as much as you can and stay busy. Come here and vent...you mentioned that you know he will not be truthful with you, so dont put yourself in a position where you are depending on his answers to get thru the day. You are just giving him more control over you...Just go completely NC.

 

I know it takes time LOL. I just wish things would speed up a little. I found myself calling him again this morning and he was very agitated with me. Saying things like, I thought I told you to move on and blah blah blah. I asked him if there was someone else and he says no & that he wants to be by himself and left alone meaning no contact and he hung up in my face

 

That hurted like hell to the point where I'm crying. I deleted his numbers but unfortunately I know them by heart and it's so hard to refrain myself from dialing the number and yet I caved in again today. I'm literally driving myself crazy. I haven't slept good or eaten right in days.. All this confusion and uncertainty is driving me literally up the wall!

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Honestly...it does take time...sometimes way longer then other relationships did. It may not happen in a couple weeks...may not happen in a couple months. Its been a year for me now and i still think about it all the time!!!! But at least it hurts waaaayyy less. That clamp around my heart doesn't feel so tight anymore!!

 

My ex moved on with someone 10 years younger then me in about 3 weeks after our 4 YEARS together!! It did help ( a tiny bit) to know that she was fat and although her face was beautiful, she was (apparently) a total b*tch and has NOTHING on me!! But it still bothered me everyday and yes...it bordered obsession...stupid facebook!! lol. But now?...i can smile inside knowing that whether he knows it or not...i was the best woman to enter (and more importatnly) walk out of his life forever!!!!

 

Head up!! You can do it!!!!!

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I hope so but it seems slim.. I hardly ever seem approached or hit on by men. I seem very invisible to them

 

That will not last forever. As soon as you are healed enough you'll be ready to look a man in the eye and smile that certain smile again.

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Wow it's been a year for you and you still think about it I'm sorry that it still hurts but like you said it lessons as time past.

 

Personally I could care less how his new girl may look but it does something to my ego and me to know that I wasn't enough for him. Like what it was about me that he lost interest in me?? Did I gain weight? Was I too boring? What was wrong with me and I keep asking me these questions. It's no use agonizing over it..

 

I have this great guy friend who has a crush on me. He's handsome funny and smart. I never really liked him in that way but he treats me so much better than my ex did. He suggested that I go out with him this weekend to talk about my feelings for my ex. I don't understand why I never fell for him like I did my ex. He seems so much nicer than my ex was to me... Plus I knew him longer but yet I'm so strung out over this jerk.. I don't understand myself.

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I know it takes time LOL. I just wish things would speed up a little. I found myself calling him again this morning and he was very agitated with me. Saying things like, I thought I told you to move on and blah blah blah. I asked him if there was someone else and he says no & that he wants to be by himself and left alone meaning no contact and he hung up in my face

 

That hurted like hell to the point where I'm crying. I deleted his numbers but unfortunately I know them by heart and it's so hard to refrain myself from dialing the number and yet I caved in again today. I'm literally driving myself crazy. I haven't slept good or eaten right in days.. All this confusion and uncertainty is driving me literally up the wall!

 

I know how you feel, Ms. Lady, because I am still going through it. It gets better, but only after you start coming to acceptance. And let me tell ya, you do NOT want to know if your ex is with someone else, and especially who that person is. I hate to further reinforce your suspicions, but chances are, there is someone else - whether it's with his ex or someone else entirely new, in the end it doesn't matter. What matters is that he ended it with you.

 

If you do go looking, be careful of what you ask for and find. It will do more harm than good. I found out everything about my own ex's new boyfriend (through the evil entity that is facebook, and the internet in general) and believe me, it is NOT worth knowing because you will constantly compare yourself with the new person, which will lead to greater feelings of regret, shame, obsession, refusing to let go, etc. Post here instead and get it all out, but try to move away from the ruminating thoughts about him. Easier said than done, I know - like I said, I am still going through it. But when I see someone in the early stages of what I was going through several months ago, it makes me want to say "STOP! Don't do it or go there! It will only lead to more hurt and unanswered questions."

 

If you're looking for closure - journal, write a letter to him (but don't send it), meditate, get in touch with a higher power, exercise, talk it out with w/ friends/family. Do all of the things you need to do for yourself, but not by looking for it with him. Don't make the same mistakes I made and keep in contact with your ex while they try and convince you of something else entirely.

 

Be strong.

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Oh trust me...i know that ALL TOO WELL!! My ex was a total smaktard that didn't deserve me!! I fell so hard b/c despite all his flaws...he cried to me at one point long ago that he didn't like his life (he was...haha...IS a big drinker) and asked for my help...i coudln't walk away...until he got so drunk one night he didn't recognize me while talking to another woman!!! I went through all that...why i wasn't good enough...how could he so easily walk away...and you know what?...if he's anything like my ex...then he cannot deal with anything even remotely difficult in life...its easy for them to throw in the towel and walk away all teh while pretending it didn't hurt or it didn't matter. A day will come in both their lives when they sit back and think...what the hell did i do!!!! Of that i have no doubt!!!! And i really did learn a lot...took a long while to see it...but now that the hard pain is over...i can see it...and i'm better for it!!!

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That will not last forever. As soon as you are healed enough you'll be ready to look a man in the eye and smile that certain smile again.

 

 

This ex was the first guy in a long time to pay attention to me. Before that,it seemed like no one was really digging me like that. It's weird I used to get approached a lot by guys when I was in high school but now that I'm 24 and outta school, I don't ever seem to catch anyone's attention while I'm out.

 

I know it's too soon to think about dating again but I was out yesterday at the mall and I saw so many cute guys around. Mainly they were with their girlfriends walking about I miss that sooo much! I wouldn't mind talking to someone new. It would get my mind off of things and my ex. I just wish I could catch some cute guys attention. But I can't start off like that, I have to learn to be happy by myself before I jump into another tragic relationship.

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Thanks for telling me this. I don't get why I'm so curious to know if he's with someone else. It's like I know it's going to hurt me and make me feel worst if I find out he's dating someone else yet I still want to know the answer. I don't get why I want to hurt myself like this. Yet, sitting here worrying if he's out on some date with some new woman isn't helping matters either. It's like either way I'm still curious.. I didn't buy the answer he was too busy for a relationship. I don't get it, I'm confused as to why he left me. I just want an answer to that.. an honest one. I don't know maybe I'd feel so closure.

 

I want to believe what he says but I don't...

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You already know what to do, you just have to be strong and get thru the next couple months. Tomorrow wont be as bad as today...it will stop hurting as much as it does right now. The more time you spend thinking about it the more it hurts. You really have to think of all the negatives in this relationship. Sometimes people focus a lot on closure. But thats when you start blaming yourself, dont think "Like what it was about me that he lost interest in me?? Did I gain weight? Was I too boring? What was wrong with me and I keep asking me these questions." You are right, no point agonizing over this. He didnt want to be with you, he didnt care enough, so why should you? Make the most of your friends and use them for support. Hope this helps.

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You already know what to do, you just have to be strong and get thru the next couple months. Tomorrow wont be as bad as today...it will stop hurting as much as it does right now. The more time you spend thinking about it the more it hurts. You really have to think of all the negatives in this relationship. Sometimes people focus a lot on closure. But thats when you start blaming yourself, dont think "Like what it was about me that he lost interest in me?? Did I gain weight? Was I too boring? What was wrong with me and I keep asking me these questions." You are right, no point agonizing over this. He didnt want to be with you, he didnt care enough, so why should you? Make the most of your friends and use them for support. Hope this helps.

 

I know keeping myself busy and spending time with friends helps. The problem is I can't find this all the time to take my mind off of things. Especially at night. I will find a way, People please pray that I find a job in this horrible economy right now. I think if I was working again, that would so help to get my mind off of him. With money being short and being unemployed, I really can't do much of any activities except sit here in the house and think about him. I'm still looking and actively searching for a job but to no luck and this just adds to the depression that I'm feeling.

 

Most of my friends and family are busy with their own lives so they can't be here that much for me. I don't want to rely on anyone to make me happy. I was on youtube, looking at meditation practices.. It seems to help a lot to relieve stress..

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I know it takes time LOL. I just wish things would speed up a little. I found myself calling him again this morning and he was very agitated with me. Saying things like, I thought I told you to move on and blah blah blah. I asked him if there was someone else and he says no & that he wants to be by himself and left alone meaning no contact and he hung up in my face

 

That hurted like hell to the point where I'm crying. I deleted his numbers but unfortunately I know them by heart and it's so hard to refrain myself from dialing the number and yet I caved in again today. I'm literally driving myself crazy. I haven't slept good or eaten right in days.. All this confusion and uncertainty is driving me literally up the wall!

 

 

 

Hi. I know just how you feel cause I used to do the same thing with my ex boyfriend. Im still hurt but now I'm going to go NC for sure. I remember I used to call him and ask him if he was with someone else and things like that and he to reacted the same way your ex did. They act like such jerks and idiots. He would hang up on me too . It just makes you feel worse after. Don't call him anymore and try to eat and sleep because if you don't then how can you be strong enough to move on. You need to be healthy. When did he brake up with you?

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The important thing to understand here is that you're obsessing over something you have no control over. Eventually, he will find someone else, as will you. Such is life. The best thing to do would be to distract yourself with other activities, and get so excited about your own life that you don't have time to think about his.

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Hi. I know just how you feel cause I used to do the same thing with my ex boyfriend. Im still hurt but now I'm going to go NC for sure. I remember I used to call him and ask him if he was with someone else and things like that and he to reacted the same way your ex did. They act like such jerks and idiots. He would hang up on me too . It just makes you feel worse after. Don't call him anymore and try to eat and sleep because if you don't then how can you be strong enough to move on. You need to be healthy. When did he brake up with you?

 

The breakup has been over a month now and I ended things because he basically lost interest for some odd reason which I'm still trying to wrap my brain around why... Don't need to worry about it, I just need to find a way to move forward.

 

I'm trying my best to do NC but it's not easy..

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The important thing to understand here is that you're obsessing over something you have no control over. Eventually, he will find someone else, as will you. Such is life. The best thing to do would be to distract yourself with other activities, and get so excited about your own life that you don't have time to think about his.

 

 

Right the only problem is finding something in my life to get excited about

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